Inspirations

"Soco Ameretto Lime" Brand New

Renee was definitely something.

                She was beautiful, that was sure. She was smart. She was athletic. She was basically perfect, and that’s completely biased.

                Of course I was in love with her. Of course she was beautiful, and smart, and athletic, and perfect to me. It was love. She could have been a eight feet tall woman with green skin and five eyes and she would have been beautiful. She shone, she was my light.

                Renee, unfortunately, and I were not in love. She did not love me. But that was okay. Me loving her was enough. That’s why, when she came up to me on the day before graduation, and smiled and whispered, “Grant, let’s hang out tonight. I’ll be at your house at ten thirty.” I didn’t hesitate, I swallowed and agreed.

                Renee was punctual and I was ready. I sneaked out the window, easily. Maybe I was hoping to impress her, maybe it was all beginner’s luck. Who cares. I was with Renee and that’s all that mattered.

                She led me to her car, parked a few houses down, and got in, handing me a bottle of vodka. She laughed, “Drink up.”

I did as she told me, it was all a trance. The harsh alcohol slid down my throat, heavily, the taste choked me. It was disgusting. I swallowed it. Maybe she’d love me.

I was such a stupid boy.

“She must have already had at least a few drinks, because as we sped down the deserted street, she swerved a bit, hitting curbs and a few mailboxes. I laughed with her, because what was there to do? She was happy and I was happy. I felt in love.

                Renee’s hand reached towards the radio, turning it up to an obnoxiously loud volume. It made my heart pulse and my mind race and everything felt too bright. I shut my eyes close, wishing it would just be us.

                Not the alcohol, not the music, not the harsh lights of the streets. I wish there were people out. I felt alone and scared, even if Renee was with me. The exhilaration and adrenaline had worn off. Renee wasn’t with me. She was gone, gone, gone. She was in her own place and I was merely there for her entertainment. I took a deep swish of vodka, hoping to drown my loud thoughts.

                “I wish I wasn’t here,” I said. My words were louder than the dumb music. She heard.

                The car was silent- the music gone. We sat, all strapped in, by the curb and she clicked something on her side. She unlocked my door. “You can leave, Grant. I just wanted you to have a little bit of fun, you know? You were always drooling all over yourself, I thought, hey last day of this same lame place, maybe Grant and I can hang. I can make his fucking day, his fucking year, goddamn your fucking life. But whatever, just get out.”

                “You don’t mean that much to me.” I lied, getting out of the car, gripping her vodka bottle tighter.

                She scoffed and drove off, the music was already blaring. I wondered how the entire world could sleep with music that loud.  I wondered where everyone was. Sure, it was probably around midnight already but the familiar streets seemed unfamiliar as empty as they were.

                I swore loudly, taking the last few gulps of vodka in one quick rush before slamming the body against the cement. Watching in satisfaction as the bottle broke into hundreds of tiny pieces. It was lovely. “It’s all fucking lovely, isn’t it Renee!” I cried after her car. She was miles away, she would never hear.

                “I love you,” I whispered, feeling drained and tired and stupid. She already knew, yet she would never really know. Renee didn’t know about love.

                She would never know about love.

                She died that night.

--------------

A/N: this song is really great as with everything involving Brand New usually is, but yeah, I know this whole "Inspirations" is getting long with all the parts and whatnot but i guess w/e