empire ;; phan

pt. ii

the moon.

warning; major character death & graphic scenes (some content may be triggering)

"dan, what the fuck?" ginny cries, collapsing next to pj's dead body.

"i'm," dan whispers, looking down at his hands, "i just."

"what's going on?" the officer whispers, standing and clutching the boy to his chest.

"i didn't mean to," dan stutters, "it was an accident. he wanted me to kill you."

ginny seems to be stunned into silence for a moment. "what?"

"he was in love with me," dan sobs, "he put all of these horrible things into my head to try and get me to leave you. the only way was to kill him."

dan didn't want to lie. not for one second. but he couldn't seem to even find the truth, let alone tell it.

"thank you for protecting me," ginny says softly, kissing dan on the forehead. "what do we do now?"

"i'll think of something," dan whispers, "can you go make me some coffee, please?"

"of course."

the second ginny closes the door with a soft click, dan starts to panic. his eyes dart to every corner that pj decorates. with quickened breaths, he speaks in urgent whispers.

"i'm sorry," dan breathes, "i'm so sorry, friend, please. i'm so sorry. please forgive me for this. i promise to tell marty you left her. i know you wouldn't want her to know this truth."

dan knows that marty, pj's wife to be, will never understand why pj would do such a thing. perhaps dan will tell her that he met someone else. dan never liked her, anyway. pj never kissed dan after her. she didn't know pj like he did. she didn't know about pj's bisexuality or his little desires or his fantasies. she had no interest and for that, dan despised her.

dan scares himself when he collapses next to pj, his knees leaving circular patterns in the pool of crimson. for once, he doesn't know what to do. his heart pounds in his ears as he drinks up the scene reluctantly.

"shit," he sobs, his hands shaking uncontrollably. the world seems to be screaming. there's a deafening screech in his head so with shaking clenched fists, he tries desperately to block out the noise, smashing his hands into his ears.
"what do i do, pj? what do i do?" dan keeps repeating this until he starts screaming; what do i do? what do i do?

"dan," ginny whispers, startling the hysterical younger boy. "dan, go to bed. i'll take care of this."

slowly and weakly, dan stands and moves to the double bed, taking a seat on the edge. ginny removes dan's shoes, but not before they track bloody footprints across the floorboards. then he helps dan out of his clothes and lays him down on the silken linen, wiping the beads of sweat from his forehead.

is this mourning? dan asks himself. am i mourning? he doesn't think he's ever felt like this before. it physically burns. it makes no sense to him.

with a broken voice and throat on fire, dan whispers, "what do i do?"