empire ;; phan

pt. ii

the moon.

"thanks," dan whispers as chris tightens the cloth around dans arm.

"don't worry about it," he mumbles.

the two had been moved to the dining area once annette had managed to control phil's situation. the room is dark and only lit by the street lights outside and the light illuminating from the kitchen. the two sit in silence, sipping on water, dan sitting on the table and chris on the leather lounge chair.

"who's pj?" chris asks quietly.

dan ponders the question. who is pj? well dan figures he's a rotting corpse by now. nothing but a waisted life. who was pj? that's different. dan's not sure there are any words that could even tell chris who pj was. he was a brilliant mind. he was beautiful. the first person dan ever really loved.

"an old friend." dan decides with a shrug.

"where is he now?"

dan feels threatened and suddenly finds difficulty in flowing with his words, stuttering and hyperventilating. "um, i don't know."

"oh," chris mutters. "dan?"

"mmh?"

"what the fuck is going on? why is my best friend laying on a kitchen bench, unconscious and beat up? who did this?" chris splutters.

dan thinks lying might be easier. but he knows chris doesn't deserve that.

"phil and i had been seeing each other without the blessings of someone who i'll call my partner, but know that it's much more complicated than that. phil and i got high and my partner came home to us cuddled on the sofa. he freaked out, dragged phil out onto the street and beat the shit out of him. i tried to stop him chris, i did. but he fucking shot me in the leg. who does that?" dan explains, adding a lightly pained chuckle.

chris nods slowly, rearranging the medical kit in front of him.

"what did you mean- 'he's been addicted before'? phil told me he hadn't done drugs." dan asks cautiously.

the other boy hesitates for a moment, looking over dan's shoulder and at the kitchen where phil lays.

"phil was an alcoholic for about three years," chris says quietly. dan frowns. "when his brother, martyn, died, he just shut down. he was always drunk; to the point where sobriety actually hurt him. it took a lot of effort, but he recovered. i just didn't want him to get addicted to that sort of stuff. i'd rather alcohol, for his sake, any day."

dan lets out a shaky breath. he can't help but feel a pang of envy. phil could recover but dan couldn't. dan could barely breathe when he went more than a day without gear. but phil could. and despite how disgustingly wrong it was, dan was jealous.