5SOS BOYXBOY ONE SHOTS

there's this burning in my heart and on my skin

Michael can't help it, he's still in love after four years and it fucking hurts. He knows that he's not supposed to still feel that way, he knows that fame is too much for committed relationships, but he's still hopelessly in love. Every time he even looks at Calum makes him remember clumsily kissing in one of their beds when they were 15, when they were younger and could do whatever they wanted to and nobody would give them shit about it. Michael knows that if he kisses Calum again, he's not going to be able to control himself anymore and he'll accidentally let it slip that he's still in love.

He's pretty sure that Calum's over it, he doesn't seem to get upset about the band not being able to date people for real, and he certainly doesn't act like he's in love. He treats Michael the same way he treats Luke and Ashton, like brothers.

It really fucking hurts.

But nobody knows about his feelings, he's managed to learn to keep everything to himself. It doesn't make it hurt any less, if anything, it makes it hurt even more. He hasn't talked to the boys about his and Calum's relationship since the breakup, and just a few days after it happened, he had convinced Luke and Ashton that he was over it, that he was okay.

And god, he was so wrong and he knew it.

Michael stands under the shower spray, his pale skin burning as the scorching water brought searing pain to his shoulders and back. He just lets it happen, he just lets himself get burnt even though it's going to feel like hell to sleep on his back later tonight. It's probably going to sting when he puts his guitar strap on his shoulder, but it's a comforting pain that he's used to. He knows he has an unhealthy obsession with burns, but nobody else knows and in his mind, that's okay.

Maybe he should've brought it up to the boys that he self-harms after they constantly asked him if he was okay after the pyrotechnics incident at Wembly Arena, when they were concerned as to why he wasn't screaming in pain like Calum was, and Calum only burnt his arm while Michael burnt his face. He should've told them that fire and other hot things are how he harms himself, but he didn't.

Michael's eyelids feel heavy, and just as he starts drifting to sleep, he slips on the bottom of the shower and just barley catches himself so he didn't hurt himself that bad. A bottle of shampoo falls and makes a loud noise, and Michael flinches and lets out a breath. He needs to get himself together.

"You okay, Mikey?" Great, just what Michael needs, Calum worrying for him.

"Yeah, just slipped," Michael says, standing up and turning the water hotter. It's almost as hot as it will go.

"Can I join you? I forgot to shower this morning," Calum says. Michael sighs and leans against the shower wall, no way in hell is he going to let Calum shower with him. They used to shower together when there wasn't a lot of time in between events, but that was when they were super famous from She Looks So Perfect, before Michael got obsessed with burns. Now, they're only famous to their passionate fans, not most of America anymore. They don't have as many interviews as they used to, and they only play shows at night, so they have a lot more time, and Michael burns himself now.

"I'm almost done, you can shower after me," Michael finally responds. He finishes washing his hair and body before drying himself off and blowing his hair dry. His skin is a shade of red that makes him smile in a sad way, the burns are familiar and it's comforting that even though it hurts, it's what he's used to.

Michael wraps his towel around his waist, opening the bathroom door and starting to walk to his room. A hand on his shoulder sops him, though, and he winces a little bit at the pain.