hold my heart, it's beating for you anyway

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"Cal," Michael says quietly, it's just the two of them in the tour bus inside Calum's bunk. "Remember when Luke kissed you when you turned fifteen?" Calum's breath hitches, he remembers it like it was yesterday.

"Yeah," Calum says softly back, his eyes glancing around Michael's face nervously.

"I was mad, I was mad at Luke for a while," Michael says. He doesn't say anything more, and Calum studies his face. He looks sad, like he's regretting saying anything at all, but then he continues. "I wanted to kiss you, I wanted to be the one that you loved like that." Calum nods a little, and Michael looks up at him. "I had this crush on you, but you were like a god and I was a nerdy and chubby kid obsessed with Pokemon."

"Is that what you really thought?" Calum asks, he's being gentle with his voice so he can coax answers out of him.

"I was so in love with you, but I thought you loved Luke," Michael mumbles, looking down at where his fingers were playing with Calum's shirt. Calum feels bad, he never knew that Michael felt like that and it's heartbreaking to hear Michael talk with such a sad tone. "I know it's dumb, I just- I loved you a lot."

"It's not dumb, Mikey, it's just being human. People just fall in love with other people, they can't help it."

"But it's different now. I know you don't love Luke now, and I know he doesn't love you. It was just a little kiss because you were both curious, it wasn't anything special. But now I know I can't have you because it's wrong, we're best friends and it would be selfish of me to act on my feelings when you're happy with us being friends."

Michael sighs quietly and shifts around in the bunk until he's facing away from Calum, and Calum frowns. He doesn't know what to say or do, Michael can be unpredictable when it comes to emotions and feelings and Calum doesn't want to send him to tears if he says the wrong thing.

"I don't know how I fucked this up-" Michael starts to say, but Calum cuts him off.

"You did nothing wrong, babe, I just had no idea you felt like that," Calum murmurs, reaching a hand out and gently placing it on Michael's shoulder. "Face me, Mikey, let me see you," he says softly. Michael turns around and tries to hide his face, but Calum can see tears in his eyes. "Don't you dare think you're an idiot, okay? I didn't even think I was cool enough to be friends with you and Luke back then."

"I still love you a lot, Cal, I fucking love you and I can't even tell you how much," Michael continues. "Whenever I see you, I get these feelings that I can't explain."

Calum leans forwards a little and looks into the older boy's eyes, watching his reaction when he leans a bit closer. They're breathing the same air and it's suddenly so much more intimate, their faces just centimetres apart and hearts thumping wildly. Michael finally closes the gap between them and holds onto the front of Calum's shirt, kissing the hell out of him. Calum kisses back eagerly, and he hears Michael whimper. It makes Calum feel a small bit of pride knowing that Michael made that sound because of him. Michael pulls away a little, their faces still close and breathing the same air.

"I don't even care if you don't love me, I just love you a lot," Michael mumbles before leaning in again and crashing their lips together. Calum's not quite sure how Michael doesn't realise that he loves him just as much, he's kissing back with all he's got, but he's too into kissing Michael to tell him anything. Instead, he moves so the older boy is laying underneath him, and he runs his hands through Michael's hair, making him whimper again. Everything's going so fast, suddenly tongue was introduced and Calum can't get enough of Michael.

"Love you, Mikey," Calum mutters after pulling back a tiny bit. "I love you so much."

"Stop lying to me, you don't have to pretend," Michael shakes his head before starting to lean in again, but Calum stops him.

"I'm not lying, I mean it," Calum tells him, and his heart aches when he sees tears in Michael's eyes. "I would never lie like that, babe, I love you."

"It's okay to tell the truth," Michael whispers, leaning up and capturing Calum's lips with his own. Calum's so confused, he doesn't know how Michael doesn't get it; Calum's head over heels for the older boy and he calls him babe all the time, they cuddle all the time, and Calum thought it was pretty obvious that he'd do anything for him.

Michael's hands grab the younger boy's face and pull him closer, and Calum hears him moan quietly. He keeps playing with Michael's hair, he knows how much he loves it, and Michael lets out a gasp and a moan when the tan boy starts kissing down his neck and collarbones.

"'m not lying," Calum says into his neck. "Love you so much."

"Cal, please," Michael whimpers. Calum chooses a spot on his neck, biting down and sucking a mark onto the otherwise pale skin. Michael moans and grabs at Calum's hair, tugging when the tan boy's hips press down, hard. "Oh fuck, fuck, Cal," he gasps.

"You have no idea how much I love you," Calum mumbles into his ear, continuing the grinding of his hips. Michael bucks his hips up impatiently to get more friction, and the younger boy presses down harder. Michael whines and throws his head back, his eyes squeezed shut in pleasure. "You look so good, babe," Calum groans, he's not going to last long if the intense feelings in his tummy keep getting stronger and stronger.

Calum pulls his shirt off and then helps Michael get his off, and he admires the pale boy's tummy and smooth skin, peppering small kisses around his upper chest. Michael's hands grab at Calum's hips and force them down harder, making them both moan. Calum notices that their moans sound good together, and he almost laughs, because him and Michael have always harmonised well together. They always sound good together.

"Cal, babe, please touch me, I need you so bad," Michael whimpers, fucking whimpers, and Calum wastes no time in pushing Michael's shorts and boxers down, taking his length in his hand. "Fuck," Michael gasps, his own hands fumbling to push Calum's boxers out of the way to return the favour.

It's just them together, hands down each other's pants, and Calum's never felt more alive in his life. Michael's hand feels so much better than his own, and he's not sure if he'll ever be able to jerk himself off again without Michael, because this feels too good. It's not very long before he's about to come, and he can tell Michael's close, too.

"Cal, I'm gonna come, I'm so close," Michael whines before Calum has the chance to say it, so the younger boy squeezes him tighter and goes faster, and Michael cries out and comes all over his tummy and Calum's hand, his own hand momentarily pausing on Calum's length as he rides out his orgasm.

"Mikey, please, I'm close, don't stop," Calum groans, and Michael's hand picks up speed again, going faster than before. Calum drops his head against Michael's shoulder and bites down a bit, squeezing his eyes shut. He comes, and the breath feels like it's taken straight from his lungs, he's silent as he adds to the mess on Michael's tummy. Once he comes down from his high, he pulls his face away from the pale boy to inspect the marks he made.

"Hardest I've ever come," Michael breathes out, and winces slightly when Calum runs his fingers along the teeth marks in his shoulder.

"I bit you really hard, I'm so sorry," Calum says softly, then examines the hickeys he made across his neck as well.

"I would've stopped you if it were too much, it felt good," Michael tells him, and he feels better about it.

"I love you so much, Mikey, okay?" Calum asks, he wants to make sure that Michael knows damn well that he loves him with everything he's got.

"I love you too," Michael responds, leaning up and capturing Calum's lips between his own. Calum kisses back gently, blindly reaching over to the night stand and pulling a tissue from the box, then cleaning Michael's tummy and their hands off, all without breaking the soft kiss. When they pull apart, Michael laughs softly, shaking his head. "I'm not mad at Luke anymore, by the way. I know you've always loved me, not him," he jokes, and Calum laughs.

"God, I love you so much, you dork," Calum kisses him once more. Then he moves the older boy so his own arms are wrapped around him, and he just wants to hold him forever.

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