Say My Name ➳ Isaac Lahey

twenty seven

ELEANOR'S POV:

I ran outside from the building. I stopped and leaned against my knees panting with tears flowing down my cheeks.

My breathing was uneven and my head was once again a mess, such a big mess.

Boyd had just been killed in front of my eyes, the boy that I used to play with as a kid in the park, the person we desperately tried to rescue from the abandoned bank, the guy that let me and my friends go to the Beacon Hills ice rink after closing time, he was gone.

And during that time I saw him, Isaac. I hadn't noticed that I had missed him like hell, not being around him felt like a part of me was missing, but I couldn't let myself give into him, not after how we had treated me after everything happened.

"Eleanor!" I heard a familir voice call out from behind me. I knew that voice far too well, but everytime I heard it, it brought back memories, it felt like home.

I slowly turned around to see Isaac running out of the building towards me, but stopped to stand a few feet back.

"You found your way back then?" I laughed choking on tears.

"I just-" I cut him off.

"You've already lost your way Isaac, you're not finding your way back,"

"What are you talking about?" he questioned sounding out of breath.

I was so mad at him, seeing him standing there in front of me. Was he just going to come running back.

"Are you just going to come running back? Expecting me to forgive you?" I exclaimed.

He stuttered. "No, that's not why I came running out here,"

"Then why are you standing there and not mourning up there just like the rest of them?"

"Because," he stopped seeming unsure on what he was going to say. "Why aren't you?"

I laughed without any humour, tears blocking my vision. "Because I'm not supposed to be up there, no matter how close Boyd might have been to me once, I can't be there, I just can't"

"You have the right to be sad about it," he said calmly.

"You idiot!" I yelled to him. "Of course I'm sad about it, I'm so fucking upset!"

"What is your problem El?" he asked me walking closer, but I put out my hand gesturing him not to get any closer.

"Don't you El me," I said. "Don't come any closer," The tears were soaking my shirt.

"I just want to talk to you!" He exclaimed throwing his hands in the air. "Because that's what I've wanted to do, even though I've been denying it from myself,"

"You let me down Isaac, you really fucking let me down," I cried. "But you know the worst thing about this is that, I still care about you, I care about you so much, but my caring for you puts you all in danger!"

Words were now just slipping out of my mouth, things that I was afraid to tell myself, I was letting it all out, every emotion, the emotions that I had somehow controlled to keep in as an alpha. I was different, I wasn't the same.

"You care? You still care about me?" he questioned. "Then why are you being like this? This isn't you,"

"Yes Isaac well done you figured it out!" I said sarcastically. "I have no fucking clue on who I am anymore! Who am I Isaac, who am I?"

He sighed. "I don't know. I have no idea why I'm here talking to this person I clearly don't recognize,"

It all hit me like a bomb. I was the one fucking it all up and I knew that I had known it for quite some time. My friends had nothing to do with this. I think that before I even began dating Isaac, I was losing touch in myself. My head felt like exploding most of the time.

"Go then!" I cried to him and waved my hand in the direction of Derek's apartment. "Why are you wasting time your time fighting with me?"

I didn't want to fight with him, I did feel like slapping him across his cheek, but at the same time I wanted to hug him and kiss him and run into the safety of his strong arms. That's what I had wanted to do for a long time now, but I just couldn't and it was killing me.

"Why am I?" he questioned himself. He turned around and began walking back to the apartment. "Go running back to your new best friends," he yelled and went inside the building.

"I will! Gladly!" I exclaimed. I knew that he was talking about Aiden and Ethan.

And just like that they appeared behind me with their bikes. I turned around and wiped away my tears.

"Need a ride?" Aiden asked.

I nodded. He gestured for me to hop on the back. I put the helmet on my head and got on, wrapping my arms around his torso.

We drove off and soon arrived at my house. I got off and handed the helmet back to Aiden.

"Why didn't Kali order me to go back with you? After Boyd was killed?" I asked them.

Aiden and Ethan both looked at each other for a second and then back at me.

"We didn't do anything after that, she knew that you would come back to us in the end," Ethan explained.

"I could've stayed," I said quietly.

"But you didn't," Aiden said.

"Just talk to them," Ethan said to me. "Just give it a shot,"

I shook my head. "But I can't, because I can't even talk to myself about it," I paused for a second. "I'm just letting it all happen,"

"Figure it out, figure out where you belong and let us know," Ethan continued.

"Believe me, I've tried," I sighed.

"Then just keep on trying," Aiden said and started his engine, so did Ethan. "See you in school," he said.

I gave them a slight wave whilst crossing my arms.

I had tried, that's all that I was doing, but it didn't seem to get me anywhere.