The ones I cannot forget

Nostalgia

Everything reminded me of happy times with Patrick. The poles which we had kissed under, the trees we had played around, the patches of snow covered grass that we had laid on and even the benches we had cuddled on. It was extremely hard to hold in the tears.
I climbed in the car and got a nostalgic feeling of old times when I picked Patrick up in this car, I remembered our first kiss which was right in the seat I was sitting in. That's what set me off.
I howled In The car and I knew it was dangerous to drive with blurred vision but I had fears of people spotting me. I noticed Hibbert hanging in her huge coat by the entrance and stuck the key in the ignition as quick as I could. As soon as the car was on I pulled away forgetting it was cold and therefore stalling the car. My cheeks burned with embarrassment and I restarted the car, feeling Hibberts scornful gaze. Once I had gotten my bearings and pulled away safely I noticed her staring in the opposite direction, she hadn't given me a sideways glance.
If I could I would have breathed out but I realised I was in hysterics. I was crying so hard the road was wobbly. I ended up pulling over as I was scared a policeman was going to pull me over for drunk driving.
I pulled over and briskly ducked down on the floor and let out half my tears. I was crying so hard the seat was vibrating underneath me. This felt all too familiar.
Once I managed to pull myself together I re-started the car and pulled away for the third time. When I drove pastt the park i saw the bench, my gloves were still there.
I shivered but managed not to start crying again, even though my eyes began to flood.
As soon as I reached my house I shut the car off and sprinted inside, fumbling for my door keys. I jumped inside and slammed the door shivering.
Slowly, stunned, I kicked my heels away and dragged my coat off me. I changed into pyjamas and climbed into my warm bed. Then, and only then, I allowed myself to cry properly.
" I love him so much and this is all my fault. Why can I just have him back" I kept asking over and over in my head as tears spouted  from my red eyes. I could tell my mascara was running and rubbed it in a tissue sadly. I realised I wouldn't stop sobbing for some time, and I was right.
It was early evening when I finally started to calm down. I caught a look at myself in the mirror and almost screamed. My makeup was streaming and almost rubbed off completely, my mascara was everywhere and my eyes were red, blotchy and puffy. I was a true mess.
"Autumn, it's time to spread the news more, what have you got to loose?" I pushed myself to text my family.
I sent the exact same message to both my mum and dad.
"Hi, it was my first day back today or the anniversary of me and Sean breaking up. Well this day must be doomed as today me and Patrick broke up. It's really complicated but it was due for a while now. Sean has come back to work and wants me back but I don't want him so I took my week off. I am also gonna turn my phone off so if I don't respond please give me some time, I'm fine so don't worry. Love you bye" I sent the text and was about to switch off my phone when it buzzed, making me jump.
It was Leon. " hey Autumn I'm panicking. Katie told me everything and I need to know what's going on now please, I'm scared. Why didn't you tell me?" I sighed and reluctantly texted him back.
" sorry got caught up in the moment. Basically he dumped me as he saw me with Sean and got all defensive. But we were struggling and breaking up was needed, kind of. Yeah I took the week off and I'm gonna turn my phone off just to relax and clear my head, love you bye" I sent it and then turned my phone off for good.
I decided to pad downstairs in my fluffy socks. It was dark so early and the only light I used was the refrigerator light.
I remembered dancing in the dark under the fridge light with Patrick, and began to cry again. I slowly pulled a large bottle of wine off the rack and tripped back upstairs with it. I lay in bed, all lights off crying under the covers. I forgot a glass so I just gulped the wine from the bottle.
" what have I got to loose?" I slurred after my third gulp; it didn't take me long to get drunk.
" I don't even love him, all I need is Lee. That sexy hunk of a man is so sexy and hunky. Wait I don't even know what time is it, I mean it is" I realise now I was making no sense and being stupid, but at that time my head was spinning.
I didn't even check the time before I fell asleep.
When I woke up in the morning, the first thing I noticed was my head. It was banging and sending bad pulses through my body. When I moved to go and get a headache tablet I noticed that I was holding an empty bottle of wine in my hand. I threw it on the ground. As I sat up I noticed a large wet patch on the covers.
" did you wet yourself?" I asked outloud, but thankfully it was just spilled wine.
I pulled myself downstairs and gulped back two tablets. Once I relaxed on the sofa for a while my headache was reduced to a tiny throbbing.
" well done, I managed to get drunk last night" I scolded myself, and the anger was pulsing through my body.
First I threw my covers in the wash along with all my work clothes. Next I re-made my bed and cleaned my whole house. Then I showered before returning to my new super clean room. I hung up all of the now clean washing and then ran back upstairs. I gulped back more headache tablets and threw everything that reminded me of Patrick in a huge bag.
Pictures of us, necklaces he bought me, letters he wrote me and more. I even logged on to my work emails and deleted all of the romantic emails he had sent. I threw the bag outside as tomorrow was bin collection day.
" TRASH, YOUR TRASH NOW DIRTY BAG OF CRAP!" I screamed absent-mindedly. Probably disturbing neighbours.
I ran back inside and grabbed my wallet. Sprinting up to the shops without a coat was such a stupid move. The snow was turning into slush and every step was agony. The cold wind whistled in my ear and surrounded me making me shiver violently.
I walked up to my local Newsagents and bought another bottle of wine. I ran back to my house, loosing breath which was turning to steam in front of my face. Once I was inside I bought in the washing and left it on a pile on my sofa. I walked past the fridge and thought about food.
" I should eat, I haven't at all today" I whispered to myself. So I took out a yoghurt but the lump in my throat stopped me from swallowing it. The meal ended up in the bin.
In my bed again I was alone with some wine and the darkness.
" cheers to two nights in a row" I muttered stupidly, a tear running down my cheek.
Soon I had drunk the whole bottle in six or seven glasses and I stood up to put the empty bottle on the bed table. Suddenly I tripped and smashed the bottle, saving the glass.
" I does that in a morning" I cried, slurring my words again. I sat on the bed, wrapped in my new fresh duvet crying until my eyes were sore for the second night in a row.
I woke up late again on Wednesday, with another headache. I had more tablets and showered.
" I can't do that again" I realised that this was damaging my body and was so unhealthy. That was the last time I got drunk over patrick. " I'm over him" I shrugged, washing out the shampoo in my hair. But as soon as I slipped into my new pyjamas I started crying again.
"This...is ...l...l...like......so.....h...h....ard!""I gasped between sobs, sitting on the floor laying my head on the bed.
Once I was able,I stood up and cleaned my room again, sweeping up the smashed wine bottle.
" I'm such an idiot" I turned at myself, throwing out the bag full of rubbish. I watched from my sofa out the window as the rubbish bin crushed everything Patrick had given me. For what felt like the millionth time I was hit with major nostalgia and found myself bursting into tears.
" why am I not strong?" I sniffed," DAMN YOU NOSTALGIA!" I screamed, slamming the pillow against the wall.

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Hey guys, it's me! So did you like this? Oh dear, Autumn really isn't dealing with the breakup very well at all. Who does? Will she be able to sort her life out or will she struggle for a while? How long will this last? Please comment because I never talk to anyone on here. Thanks for reading this far and I love you guys so so so much! Bye! Xxx