The ones I cannot forget

New beginings

I knew that I could never forget Patrick, just like Sean. They are the ones I cannot forget in a heartbeat. I crawled upstairs sheepishly and wrapped myself up warm in the duvet. My heart ached badly. I watched television, occasionally giving a little sob until around eight at night.
I had to let it go, but my heart felt like it had been snapped in two. "You got over Sean you'll get over Patrick" I told myself firmly. I longed to get drunk but at that exact moment my head started punding. I couldn't do it again,even if I was happiest when I was drunk lately.
Instead I padded downstairs and looked for food.
" my hearts been snapped, right now I can't even think about eating." I mumbled, tear falling down my cheek.  My stomach rumpled so I ended up gulping down a yoghurt to settle my belly. Afterwards I laid in bed and cried myself to sleep for an early night. These days were a blur.
I woke up on Thursday, thankfully without a wine bottle in sight. I didn't cry, weep or sob, I just walked down to my kitchen and prepared a small bowl of Porridge. I sat at the kitchen table in eerie silence and spooned the food down, staring at the wall. My eyes were sore from crying so much but at least my head wasn't pulsing today. Once I had eaten I threw my bowl into the dishwasher and showed myself. I didn't speak or think about Patrick all. When I did I managed not to cry. I had to get over him some time.
For another day I wasted it, laying in bed staring at a tv.
When it was night time I laid down and cried for the first time today. Still, an improvement.
When I woke up I made a medium sized bowl of cereal and sat at the table eating it.  I smiled for the first time in ages as the silence didn't seem so eerie as yesterday. I showered and changed into an old t shirt and leggings. I sat down on the sofa and smiled to myself. I was proud of me for once. I finally spent a day away from the drowsy bed and hadn't cried at all.
At lunch I made myself a chicken sandwich and ate it all hungrily. Once I had washed all the dishes I walked out on the garden and decided to busy my mind with work. I swept away all of the slushy snow that had become yellow. Most of it was water now but it felt good to clear the snow away. I couldn't believe it was nearly the end of January. Monday would be the first of February, new month; new beginning.
I hummed a song while I cleared my garden and smiled. Although the last few weeks had been strange, the majority of me and Patrick's relationship had been enchanting. I still loved him and never would stop but it was over. The end had come.
He was right some things didn't go as planned but I was still so grateful to have him and he was one of the best things that had ever happened. So was Sean, he was amazing until he cheated.
Things happened and I think I was finally over him. It was the end of me feeling sorry for myself.
I cooked a delicious lasagne for dinner and ate it all up. I went to bed early but didn't cry at all.
I woke up Saturday nice and early, changed a got ready. I was so pleased that I didn't cry at all yesterday.
" yep it's the end" I giggled contented. It was finally over, a long time coming.
I didn't know much but I did know that I was ready for work after this weekend.
It was finally Monday and I could go back to work. However the morning started rough. I let The alarm beep for a quarter of an hour before I finally gave up and threw my phone across the bed, the obnoxious beep didn't stop.
"SHUT IT" I shouted before realising that I was shouting at an inanimate object. " oops" I muttered sheepishly, silencing the alarm. I got up (reluctantly), showered, put on makeup and tired my hair into a half ponytail. I wore a skin tight black dress with little pin tucks down the side. This was the dress I felt most sexy in. I added a pair of black, heeled boots . I stared in the mirror.
" forget about the Patrick drama, you're not enemies. Focus on work and friends....and Lee" I thought to myself. When I looked out the window there was no deathly snow, just damp streets with the occasional lump of slush here and there. It was a different day, a different month even.
I wrapped a coat around me and grabbed my phone. I turned it on for the first time in ages. I read the texts.
" hi honey I'm so sorry about the breakup. I hope you get over it you strong girl. Don't worry and text me when you can" my heart softened at my mums texts I replied straight away.
"Back to the phone now mum and you're right I'm over it. I'm going back to work today as well so that should help, love you"
The next text was from my dad.
" aww my baby girl, chill out and get over him, he obviously isn't good enough for you. Good idea taking away social media. I'm proud of you don't fret xxx"
I breathed out and hugged my phone. I am so lucky to have such supportive family.
"Oh ok I see, well I hope your ok. Just text me when you can and I'll see you on Monday" my brother had texted, but there was also a second text from Leon. " how's it going? Love you" I sighed and read the next text.
" hey sweetie, I hope you're ok. " Katie had sympathised.
"I'm back today, I'll meet up and have a chat yeah?" I replied to them both. I breathed out a sigh of relief that there was no text from Patrick. I changed the emoji next to his name from a heart to a file to show that we were just work friends. I deleted all of the flirty texts and began again as friends.
Finally I made it out to the car. Although the snow didn't paint the town anymore, it was still deathly cold and I shivered as I was locking up the door. Once I was in the car I pumped the heating up and listened to music as I drove into work. I remembered the last journey I took in this car was an awful one, a panicky drive. I was thankful to be in a much happier mood now and parked up in my usual spot.
I then realised my usual spot is next to Patrick's car and moved it into the spot next to Katie's instead.
"Remember Autumn, new beginnings" I told myself before stepping out of the car and locking it.
I walked in and surprisingly saw no one I knew. I walked straight to the office and sighed deeply as Katie wasn't inside. I noticed her coat was hung up when I hung mine next to her, and her bag was all a on her desk. I sat down on my chair and fired up the computer. I logged in and went straight to my emails, I had one waiting for me in my inbox from my boss.
"Hello autumn, I hear you're taking this week off that's totally ok. Enjoy your family event. Have fun and make sure you're here on Monday :)" he had said, I smiled at how lucky I was to have a nice boss. I must have been so angry at Patrick not to notice it when I deleted all of our old emails.
" hey girl!" Katie squealed. I stood up and spun around excitedly. She was wearing a short pink dress which was fluffy and netted underneath. Her blonde, beautiful hair was down and bobbed under her armpits. She looked so happy and refreshed.
"New beginnings" I told myself as I stood up.

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Hey guys, it's me! Did you guys like this? So things are looking up for Autumn, the bad feeling can't last forever after all. She still loved ostrich but she can't get back with him... Can she? How long will she keep up this routine before she lets her bad emotions pour out of her? Can she Ho,d it in long enough to truly get over him? Please comment  as I love talking to you lot and thank you for reading this far. Bye bye! Xxx