The ones I cannot forget

Alone

I remembered stroking his gorgeous face. He was everything to me. I knew he'd desert me like everyone I'd ever loved ever as well. Parents moved to another state, Sean cheated, Patrick ended our relationship, Katie had ignores all my texts and so on. The only person who had stuck by me was Leon.
I wiped my running mascara. This was worse than Patrick and me breaking up.
"Autumn can't you see, that's why he took you to Spain, kissed you and broke your virginity so soon. He wanted to be with you before he... Left you" I cried more.
After a while I wiped my running mascara again and turned the key. I drive sombrely across the city to my house. When I arrived I just locked the car, pulling my case into the house and dropping it but the door. I flopped on the sofa and cried. I had lost one of the best things that had happened to me. It's over. I couldn't accept that. I cried and cried all day long.
It was Wednesday when I finally got up. I had called Katie to talk last night, but she hadn't  picked up. I was worried. I hadn't cried yet, all my tears had gone. I showered and did my makeup, depressed and frowning. I didn't have much energy but I was too worried to leave this.
I threw on an ugly tracksuit and left my hair in a messy bun, I couldn't be bothered with that. Katie was my best friend, I knew she wouldn't mind.
All I took in my bag was my phone. I needed to check if Katie was ok, so I decided to go round to her house, she was always understanding.
As I climbed into my car memories haunted me, I struggled to keep the tears inside me. This was all too familiar.
I pulled up into her driveways, her car was here.
"Yes she's home" I thought with no momentum what so ever. I stood up and hovered by her door.
"Her phones probably broken or something. Don't worry she's your best friend. And you need to talk, keeping it bottled up isn't good like your parents said" but something felt wrong.  My gut feeling was screaming at me that I was being over dramatic. Me and Katie have never argued and never will, so nothing could go wrong.
I knocked and it only took two seconds for the door to fly open. Katie looked so fresh as always, in a small blue dress with sequins all up the bodice. She was barefoot and her hair and makeup were flawless. The only thing that was missing was her happy smile.
"What are you doing here?" She asked out if the blue, normally she asked me in but nit today.
"You weren't answering my texts. Is everything ok?" I asked emotionless.
"No, why do you think I wasn't answering?" She sighed.
"I'm sorry what happened?" I was scared for her.
"Dad died actually, I was gonna tell you but all you could talk about was Lee and how you "got it on" so I didn't say anything!"
"Omg I'm so sorry"
"Don't be" she actually went to close the door and I felt the anger bubbling up inside me.
"Lee is leaving, England. I'll never see him again" I shouted briskly to avoid being shut out.
"I knew you'd never last" Katie's words scarred me. I felt something lock inside me, like I'd never speak to anyone ever again. I had never felt so alone. The sadness inside me turned to anger bubbling up my throat.
"What? You little..... I thought you were in my side!"
"Same here Autumn, but you and Lee were all you cared about so all I care about is me and my mum. To nurse her better after her husband died. My dad Autumn and you didn't care" tears brimmed over Katie's eyes.
"You should have told me, now you're just attention seeking. I know this is all for show" I knew what I was saying made no sense, but it made me feel better.
"I tried but you didn't care, you only cared about your dumb relationship. Now if you don't mind I have a funeral to plan. I'm not arguing on my front porch" she rolled her perfect eyes at me and tried to shit the door again.
"IT MIGHT MAKE TOU FEEL BETTER BUT YOU CANT SHUT ME OUT! ILL ALWAYS BE HERE. YOU SLUT I HATE YOU AND YOURE SO UNGRATEFUL. IM GLAD YOUR DAD DIED! Karma" I shrugged and got into the car. I saw tears spill down her gaping expression. She was too shocked to even shut the door. I just stared at her angrily as I pulled out of her driveway. I drive all the way home with a death stare. I hummed demonically to the music, as if I was putting some sort of spell on the kids to kill them.
As soon as I got home I locked the door and walked to bed. Before balling me eyes out. I had lost my best friend. It was all my fault. She was right I didn't care about her in this holiday and I was being selfish. I couldn't believe I said I was glad her dad died. I was a despicable human being. I shouted at her that I was glad her dad died? Who was i?
I starred in the mirror. I wasn't me. I was some weird, ugly and rejected bitch. No wonder Lee had left me.
I hated myself. I lay in bed In silence, I starred at the ceiling in pitch black darkness. This was all my fault. Why did I always mess things up? I was a walking disaster. I could try and act pretty with my super cute lover Lee and pretty best friend Katie but I wasn't really that popular.
Lee could go to England. I hope he had fun and the new life he had asked for there. Katie could carry in being popular. She made me popular here and now she could tell everyone the tales of how I showed up at her door screaming at her. I hoped she was happy.
I had never felt like this before. Through every break up or tough moment Katie had always been the read supported my decisions. She always advised me to not go insane and now I had lost that. I was so alone and that's what I had to deal with.
I knew bottling up my emotions wasn't the right thing to do at all as my parents taught me. My dad got depression from it when his mum died. But who could I tell? I had just spent a week w it's lily and Sarah and I feel like I couldn't go to them. They weren't my best friends really, I couldn't put my problems on them. I had Lee but we always went through rough things together, he was probably dealing with his upset girlfriend. I couldn't go to him. I had my parents but they lived in a different state and everything was hard, I had to act like the perfect little princess who never got upset in front of them. I couldn't talk to them.
So I kept the sadness locked up on the inside. I would only unlock it when I was alone. On the outside of the lock was a hard rubbery material, a happiness act that made me look string like Lee had once said. Truth was; I wasn't strong at all. I was worthless and that's All I'd ever be....
I sat up shaking in bed. I was having a panic attack. I cried and cried until the bed spun around, without the comfort of my friends, and being alone I couldn't control this one. It went in for half an hour before the world stopped spinning. It was only because I had no tears left in me.
After a while I stood up and decided to get dressed.
"I'm Autumn rivers, I do things alone because it's way more efficient. Boyfriends are losers as they always reject you and friends are stupid because it's like high school all over again. I am Autumn rivers and it's Thursday and I'm going to... Do something alone. Yay. I'm going to wear this..... Omg I have nothing to wear" I muttered silently.i wasn't positive but I could pretend to be? Happiness was such a long way in the distance that I'd have to. I realised I had no clothes as I hand unpacked from Spain. So I walked downstairs and hauled the heavy case Up to my room. the heavy contents spilled all over my bed.
"Geez, I am Autumn rivers and I do laundry alone" I tried to pretend everything was OK as I sorted the clothes into lights and darks. It was all found so well until my hand that brushed against the most precious object I had in the whole case. I pulled it out and stared at it. Just looking at it destroyed me. I couldn't do this anymore...

Hey guys tis meh! Did you enjoy this or hate it? So Autumn is struggling, and Katie has abandoned her like everyone else. What is the object that made Autumn so sad? Will she ever be able to tell anyone to help her? How will she deal with this when she has to go back to work? Please comment because they make me so happy, like anti depressant tablets lmao. Thanks for reading so so so so so far and I love you guys. Bye!!! Xxxxxxxx