The ones I cannot forget

Relief

I couldn't stop my mouth from falling open. "What are you doing here?" I asked absent mindedly.
She suddenly burst into tears. "I'm....so ....sorry" she sobbed, collapsing into my arms. I hugged her tight, slowly pulling her inside. I shut the door and pulled her into my sofa.
I burst into tears too.
"Me ....too" we stared at each other and began to laugh. Eve though this meet up was solemn it was the happiest I had felt since Spain. This told me we were friends again.
"Im so sorry I yelled at you. I hated myself for it. I hope you're ok and I'm so sorry for not caring for you." I sighed, wiping the tears.
"Don't worry, I'm sorry. For not replying to your texts and being so mean about you and Lee. I was jealous that you were in bliss and I wasn't" Katie wiped her tears too.
"It's not your fault, it's mine" I giggled awkwardly.
"No it's mine"
"No, mine"
"Nope, mine"
"Incorrect it's mine" I laughed, avoiding eye contact.
"It's both if our fault" Katie placed a gentle hand in my knee. "Friends?" she asked looking shy.
"Best friends" I laughed because we were acting like high school kids.
"Let's never discuss this argument again" Katie suggested and I nodded, relief flooding through my body.
"So, tell me about your dad. I'm so sorry about what happened." I sighed.
"Yeah it's upsetting. I got a call on Tuesday that he had a fall so I went to the hospital. They had to operate but sadly he died in the table. Me and my mum were destroyed. It was awful. I guess we're getting over it a bit now but the funeral is next Saturday and it's gonna get worse from there. I can never forget him" a single tear rolled down Katie's cheek.
"Think about it this way" I smiled warmly, wiping away her tear. "If he survived it would have been a slow, painful road to recovery. Think about how much he would have suffered trying to get better. Now he's happily, painlessly dancing in the fluffy clouds with the Angels. He is an angel"
"I suppose you're right, thanks Autumn. Tell me about Spain and Lee in more detail"she dried her face and leaned in like a child wanting a bedtime story.
Suddenly The thing that had locked up inside if me unlocked and the details of me and Lee (even the sex bit) came flooding out. I told her about the moment he told me he was leaving. Mixed relied and sadness flooded through my body.
"And then that's gonna be it, less than a day together" I fought back tears, he was so much harder to forget than Patrick. "he's the one I cannot forget" I sniffed.
"Aww, it wasn't meant to be then. If it was meant to be he'd come back" Katie pulled me in for a hug.
"Thanks Kate. I have missed you" I squeezed her tight.
"Me too" she squished me, too hard.
"Ow!" My hip throbbed and I pulled away quick, applying pressure and wincing. It was too delicate to be pushed around.
"Omg I'm so sorry, what did I do? Did you get a cut?" Katie jumped away, shocked and scared like I was a delicate china doll.
"No it's fine, I just had a cut there, my fault for squishing too hard" I forced a laugh, trying to stop wincing.
"Oh, how did you cut yourself" Katie asked innocently.
"Oh....erm...knife....cut it there" I forced anther giggle but it came out unevenly.
"Yeah but how.... Never mind" she shrugged, looking at me suspiciously.
I pulled my hand away, the pain began numbing. I went to brush my hair out of my face and saw blood on my hand.
I got a flashback like the ones in the movies where lots of clips flash in super quick time. I saw the knife when it dropped, seeing blood, cutting and more. I shuddered.
" no....b....b...blood" I shook violently.
"Autumn?" The voice sounded deep and distant. It reminded me if the night I lost Lee and lily in the club.
Everything went black as darkness crept over my eyelids....
"Morning" I felt a weird sensation in my hurt hip. Something wet was on my head. I opened my eyes.
"Did...I...?"
"Yes you did faint, please lay down I need to sort out this" Katie soothed, strangely comforting.
"Omg" I muttered wearily before laying back down. The pain for strong before disappearing quickly.
"all done. You can sit up if you feel you're strong enough but dint do it too quick please?" Katie shook her head fondly.
"Phew, she doesn't know the cause if the cuts. She thinks they were an accident" I smiled, sitting up slowly. The room went super fuzzy for a minute before everything was normal.
"Wow" I blinked, unable to believe I just fainted.
"Autumn, those cuts-"
"Uh oh, keep her distracted!"
"I can't believe I just fainted"
"Autumn, please, the cuts were-" Katie was interrupted again.
"I've never done that before" I shook my head.
"An odd shape, they don't look accident-"
"A first for me"
"AUTUMN ACCEPT IT!" I jumped and decided to listen.
"Yes Katie" I stared at the floor like a little kid getting punished.
"The cuts were an odd shape. They didn't look accidental. They look like self harm is there anything you want to tell me?" She asked, acting like my mum all strict and stern.
"No they were accidental, I was cutting food and the knife slipped-" I lied.
"Autumn rivers. I get it. You self harmed didn't you?"  Katie interrupted, holding her head like she had a headache.
"Fine yes I did" I almost cried again. Katie gave me the speech about self harm being bad and I shouldn't have done it.
"Sorry...I did it because...." Once again relief flooded through my body as I told Katie the whole story.
"I get it... But I feel so awful for you" Katie looked solemn.
"Ok I am sorry, I won't do it again. I regret it so much!" I cried a bit.
"Good. Promise me you won't?"
"I promise" I wiped my tears and sighed dramatically. "Let's not talk about this again either" I added.
"Ok but if you do it again I'll have to tell someone" Katie smiled sympathetically. "Can I sleep over?"
"Um YES!" I laughed and turned on the tv to the music channel.  We chatted and gossiped like teenagers until dark.
"I'm starving, wanna order something in?" I asked, standing up.
"Yes please, wouldn't be a sleepover without pizza!" She laughed, laying back.
"Peoeroni?" I grabbed the house phone.
"YAS gal!"
I ordered the pizza and we sat down on the sofa again.
"I can't believe we go back to work in like three days!" I smiled at the thought of seeing everyone again.
"I know right, just the weekend to go" Katie smiled too.
The night went smoothly and we ate pizza, gossiped more and generally hung around.
"I might go to bed now" Katie snuggled into the sofa.
"Me too. I can't believe we stayed up till three am." I giggled weakly.
"Night Autumn"
"Night Katie" I grabbed my phone and switched the light off as I walked up the stairs. When I fell in my bed after I got ready to sleep, I felt so much better than last night.
I always felt a pang of sadness every time I thought of Lee, but knowing I had Katie on my side made me feel so much better. I felt something I hadn't for quite some time; relief.
I smiled as j slowly drifted off to sleep. My life wasn't perfect and I'd miss Lee, but I had Katie. Best friends before boyfriends. I fell asleep with ease for the first time in a week.
When I woke up I heard clanking from the kitchen so I jumped up and ran down absent mindedly. Was I being burgled?
"Morning" I heard a chirpy, sing-song voice greet me.
"Katie! Morning" I mumbled.
"Want a coffee?" She asked as she sat down at my table, drinking a tea.
"Yes please. Need caffein" I lay my head down on the table.
"Sure, I see you're not a morning person."
"I see you are"
"How you feeling this morning?"
"Good"
"I mean you're hip" Katie laughed at me.
"Good"
"Does it hurt?"
"No"
" I guess we'll save the talking for later" Katie giggled, placing a mug in front of me.
"Thank" I murmured, sipping it. "Dang you make a mean coffee"
"Thanks, by the way, I need to leave at around 2 because my mum wants me to collect some flowers"
"Oh right, what time is it now?" I asked, voice sounding like I had choked on a fly.
"Twelve... I was wondering when you were ever gonna get up" Katie laughed.
I looked at her, shocked. We stared at each other and burst out laughing. We really were true best friends.