The Kings Love

You can't fix everything

Jasmine
( Day 105, February 4th )

For ten days, I felt...lonely even though I wasn't, afraid of everything. My paranoia was at an all time high, the simplest things felt like a threat to my child's health. So I stayed in bed, withdrawing into myself more everyday and I knew it was driving Laurent insane. He would try to talk with me but I always shrunk away, burrowing deep under the blankets. I wanted him near me all the time but at the same time, I couldn't stand his presence for longer than a few minutes. My hormones were flying out of control but I didn't get angry or loud, I just got sad. It wasn't healthy, Dr.Leona tried to stress to me how vital it was to go outside and stretch my muscles for the baby, but I couldn't.

The door to my room creaked open as Laurent ambled in, his eyes red rimmed and his demeanor screamed exhausted. I glanced at the little black digital clock on my nightstand to see the time read 10 pm. He must have been working with Larry on the towns festival again. He slowly dragged his feet to the adjoining bathroom and a few seconds later, I could hear the hiss of the showers spray. For some reason, I was nervous. Not scared nervous but butterflies in my stomach on the first date kind and that seriously confused me.

Laurent walked back into the room twenty minutes later clad in just his favorite black boxers with droplets of water hanging on the ends of his twists and flopped down on the bed, his eyes instantly shutting. He wasn't asleep, I could tell by the slight twitch at the corner of his eye. He just didn't want to bother me and I felt this immense guilt rise up knowing that he kept silent around me because of how I treated him the other day.

He had only been trying to make me feel better by surprising me with this huge bouquet of gold painted roses. He had such a goofy smile on his lips that was so unbefitting of a King but made my heart race until I remembered that Selena's favorite color was gold and I started to cry. When he tried to comfort me, I pushed him away and told him to fuck off. I saw the hurt in his milk chocolate irises but I had curled up in a ball and fought the surfacing memories of me and my siblings. That was two days ago and tonight was the first time I saw Laurent after that.

I opened my mouth to apologize only for it to slam shut on its own accord. What was wrong with me? Why couldn't I just not be a bitch and apologize?! Pulling my knees up to my chest, I wrapped my arms around them and could feel the tears again. How many times have I unnecessarily cried since finding out I was pregnant? I was trying to count when a calloused but still soft hand tugged on my ankle hard, forcing my legs back down on the bed.

King Laurent: "Don't do that, it's not good for the baby."
His voice was muffled by the pillow he was laying on but I could still hear how drained he was. I wanted to comfort him, help him but I was scared he would reject me if I touched him. So I instead just opted to stare at him, observe the man who was everything I wanted and didn't want all at the same time.

His hair was longer now, reaching way past his shoulders and the design on them was beautifully intricate. I wonder who does them? His jawline seemed to be sharpened like the finest blade and his cheekbones sat high on his face like they were Kings themselves, almost Roman like. His eyelashes were coal black but fine, like thin pieces of twine and I swore they were far to long to belong to a man. But the best part was Laurent's lips, they were just slight of plump and the top lip curved like a bow that was arched to strike. He truly had be sculpted perfectly with his smooth caramel skin to match the rest of his features.

His chest rose slow and a sound resembling that of a snore drifted from his mouth ever so often. I watched him sleep for a while until I felt like I was creepy and laid down fully to sleep myself, still afraid to lean into his touch.

Morning came by evidence of the annoying chirping birds and the dim sun rays that barely made their way through the curtains to rest in my face. Uncomfortable with the heat, I rolled on to my right side to see that Laurent wasn't there. Disappointment filled my lungs as I caressed his side of the bed, which was cool to my touch meaning he'd been gone for a while. Swallowing down my sadness, I got out of bed with help of walker that Larry had brought to my room since I refused to have a personal servant. Slowly making my way to the bathroom, I showered with Laurent's body wash that smelt like honey and chocolate. I put on just a black house dress that covered my figure completely and pooled down at my feet, and my favorite pair of grey bunny slippers.

I could feel the stares of the maids and servants as I wobbled through the hallways, watching my every move like I was so delicate damsel that had to be caught should she fall. I hated this amount of attention, it wasn't from the one I wanted it from. I didn't let my gaze slide to Larrys old bedroom when I went to the dining room, I couldn't deal with the emotional havoc it would cause to remember my last moments with Kyanna.

The double doors were opened for me by a passing gardener on his way to the gardens and I forced a smile of appreciation on my lips. I wanted everyone to stop treating me like I was going to fucking break! But I still said thank you and wobbled into the room with the walkers wheels making a small squeaking sound. Two heads whipped at the sound as Liara and Lidia stared at me when I joined them at the table, something I haven't done in a week. Nervously, I greeted them.

Jasmine: "Good morning Lidia, you look beautiful this morning..... Good morning Liara.."
I took my usual seat by Laurent's chair, my eyes automatically resting on the lush over cushioned chair that resembled the Throne actually.

Lidia: "Good morning darling, how are you feeling?"
Her smile was radiant as her eyes scanned over me in a motherly fashion, she definitely was ready for another grandchild. I was going to answer her when I caught a glimpse of sorrow pass Liara's face at my growing baby bump. At only a month and a half, I was already showing signs of my pregnancy even through the loose dress. Guilt wrecked my heart and I lowered my gaze to the floor.

Liara excused herself from the table and left as though hell hounds were nipping at her heels. I couldn't stop the wayward tears that fell from my eyes if I tried and Lidia sadly shook her head, grasping my hand in her own.

Lidia: "You can't fix everything Jasmine, especially a problem that isn't yours to fix in the first place. Let Liara battle her own demons, she's the one who called them forth. She wants someone to hold blame on and have as her crutch but only thing is, she isn't disabled, she was enabled to damn long. Now eat your breakfast so my grandchild won't starve."
Lidia pinned me down with a stare that said let it go and pushed a plate of pancakes my way. For the first time in a couple days, I scarfed down food like it was disappearing.

When I was finished Lidia had a satisfied smirk on her lips and I felt heat rush to my cheeks. Then I remembered something that I almost forgot.
Jasmine: "You know Lidia, my birthday is on the 26th of this month. I didn't even remember til now but I was hoping you'd go on a trip with me to London to see Sophia?"
I knew she could see the hope shimmering in my eyes and she smiled but it didn't reach her eyes.

Lidia: "The 26th huh?....", she paused for a second as though she was contemplating something but in the end, shook off whatever was on her mind. "Of course I will, we will enjoy ourselves. I have to go and check on a few things so I'll see you later darling."
She got up and kissed me on the forehead as I wondered why she had such a hard time looking me in the eyes now.

I can't fix everything huh? I never heard more truer words.