Uncontrollable (Punk Luke Hemmings)

Chapter 7

Turning the music up louder than I should, I drive. Down the surprisingly deserted highways, following the coastline. It's beautiful. But I don't notice, too caught up in my own thoughts.

A small part of my brain that I promptly shut down is telling me that I shouldn't be driving in this state of mind. I'm going much too fast, not enough attention being payed to the task at hand.

Images of my father swirl around my mind. All the times he was wrapped around another women. The blonde from the beach. I feel sick all over again.

Luke is there too. Rolling around my brain, messing with me all over again. Sweet and smart to cocky and stupid. It's gives me whiplash, but I feel the inklings of an addiction starting. I hate it all over again.

I push the gas a little harder and even I can't deny how stupid it is at this point. Breaths come faster. Thoughts all tangled.

Then, for the first time in a long time, I stop and think of James. Beautiful, cruel, James. I met James in London before we moved to Ireland. But I kept going back to see James. Smart, uni student James. I shake my head. I shouldn't be thinking of James right now. I slow down a bit, turn the music up louder, and roll down my windows.

Deep breath. I think of Calum, Ashton, and Michael, who are all nothing like James. It's okay. I have them.

I pull into a small little town by the sea, astonished at how far I seem to have come in what I thought was little time.

But no. I've been driving for 2 hours. I get out the of the car, wandering onto a small beach, so different from the one I was at just this morning, plopping myself down on the sun soaked sand. I call Ashton.

"Andy! Are you okay? Mikey said he took you home." His voice is loud, happy, and I can hear what sounds like Calum screeching in the background.

"Yeah,I'm fine. Just got a little overwhelmed. I just started driving. I don't know where I am." I admit. He laughs, telling me to describe the town. I do.

"I know exactly where you are. Do you want us to come up there?" I smile at his offer, Calum yelling his agreement in the background.

"It's alright Ash. I think I'm just gonna stick around here for a while. I'll talk to you on Monday, alright? I just need some time to clear my head right now."

He hesitates. "You sure you're okay?"

Now I'm not exactly sure why I called anymore. "Fine, Ash. Go have fun. Don't worry about me." I hang up on my best friend, turning my gaze back to the ocean.

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I don't turn around back towards 'home' until 1 am, blasting down the highway, windows down, stars overhead, music loud. It's strangely relaxing.

I drive slower this time, making the trip in just over 3 hours. I should be tired, but I'm not. I have Fall Out Boy blaring, and I'm wide awake, pushed on by the caffeine and cute boy who was short and ginger and looked nothing like James or Luke. It was fun while it lasted but he wasn't worth it. Nothing had happened.

I was fine.That is, until I pull into my street, close to 4:30 in the morning, and there he was. Luke didn't say anything, sitting there on the sidewalk outside my house, skateboard next to him.

I try to swallow the feelings I'd even trying to escape all day as I get out of the car, and he stands, looming over me, hair messy and eyes gleaming in the darkness. "Andy." He stands close to me, arms folded over the broad chest.

I run my finger through my long and now very wind tangled hair. "What Luke?"

He reaches over, tucks a piece if hair behind my ear, hand lingering. My breath hitches. I can see the intricate design over his swirling up his arm.