Uncontrollable (Punk Luke Hemmings)

Chapter 24

The flight is long and subdued- I'm still caught up in the fight I had to have with my dad to be here, and my encounter with Luke last night. But Rose understands- she lets me sit in peace, listening to music. But every song I hear makes me think of Luke and even the normally calming sound of bands that I had listened to with Luke before throw me off.

And by the time we finally collapse in our nice hotel room, I'm feeling like just sleeping for a million years. And Rose has had enough. She throws pillows from the overstuffed couch at me.

"Andy! Pull yourself together. We're in London, a beautiful and vibrant city with thousands and thousands of attractive men. So what if you're sad over Luke- he's just one guy. Let's go out tonight and have some fun." Rose is berating me.

I groan theatrically, throwing an arm over my face. "I'm sad, and I'm tired, and Luke isn't just one guy." I mumble.

Rose sits down next to me, stroking my hair. "Babe, the whole point of this trip was to get away from all that drama. Here, we can just relax and have fun. And I, for one, want to have crazy, wild sex with some hot English boy."

I can't help the laugh that escapes me. "I didn't have sex with Luke after however long we had our thing, what makes you think I'm going to have it with someone I haven't even known a day?"

Rose lies down next to me, kicking off her boots. "Andy, are you still in love with Luke?"

"I wasn't even in love with him in the first place, what makes you think I'm in love with him now?" I sputter out in complete embarrassment, lying through my teeth. And Rose knows.

Rose just looks at me, all joking gone from her face. "You don't even know how you feel about him. Maybe you should take this time away from him to just figure out how you feel. Meet some people. Figure out if Luke is really what you want."

I follow her lead, kicking off my converse onto the plush carpet of our hotel, courtesy of my father. Maybe it was his way of making up for being drunk most of yesterday for reasons I still don't understand.

"You're right." I say with a yawn.

"I know I am." Rose picks herself up off of my bed and throws herself into hers. "Now, jet lag is a bitch, so I'll be sleeping until it's time for us to go out tonight."

I mumble an agreement and fall asleep faster than I ever thought I would.

I have the same dream about Luke again. He's striding toward me, arms reaching out to grab me roughly, eyes dark as they had been during his beating of AJ. I wake with a jerk just as he grabs me and tosses me aside.

My chest is heaving, and it's hard to regain my breath. Our suitcases lay unpacked at the foot of our beds, and the sun is just starting to set over our fabulous view of the London skyline. But even that can't calm me down after what I just dreamt. I hug my knees to my chest, wishing Luke was here. And then I want to hit myself. I shouldn't want Luke. I'm mad at him.

Or I'm supposed to be. Now that I'm halfway across the world from him, I'm starting to feel like an idiot. I can't make up my mind. I feel like I'm missing a part of me when he's gone, but I can't just ignore some of the shit he's done. He broke a promise, and almost beat AJ to death. But what am I expecting? I got involved with a bad boy, then was surprised when he acted like a bad boy.

Rose was right. I need to use this time to figure out what I want. And I might as well start tonight. A quick glance at Rose's bed shows me she's already up and getting ready for our night out. Almost as if she can hear my thoughts, she sticks her head out of the bathroom door.

"I already picked out your outfit. No, you have no choice in whether you wear it or not. It's on the chair." She trills off before retreating back into the lit up bathroom.