Uncontrollable (Punk Luke Hemmings)

Epilogue

Luke's POV:

Screaming, pounding, the crowd just beyond the curtain seems unreal. A familiar rush is racing through me, the adrenaline making my head spin and the weight of the guitar feel like nothing.

Our first time opening for One Direction in front tens of thousands of screaming people. I should be feeling ecstatic, full of energy and excitement, but there's still a hollow hole, aching through me, reminding me every second of what I did, what I lost.

It's never been more clear to me in this moment that I had fucked up. But as it was then, there's nothing I could do to fix it.

"2 minutes lads!" A stagehand yells next to me, rushing around as she adjusts Michael's hair and makes sure Calum has pants on. I stare out past the slit in the curtain at the sea of lights and people, all about to hear us rock the big stage for the first time.

A buzzing in my back pocket distracts me. Expecting some kind of notification, or my mom calling to wish me luck again, I slide it out slowly, ready to give a quick reply before going out.

Except the face blinking on the screen, the song playing as ringtone that I hadn't had the motivation to change, the name in big bold letters, all make my heart stop. I feel every beat of my heart, every surge of blood through my body. There was something big going on if she was calling me.

Andy hadn't tried calling me once since I'd broken my promise. That only resounded the fact that if she was calling me now, something must be going on. It feels like the Earth is trying to suck me in, to crush me under the weight of an innocent phone call that wasn't actually so innocent.

"20 seconds guys!"

Her face, which I'd tried so hard to forget, was smiling up at me, her hair blowing around her face. I'd taken the picture on a drive with her once, when she hadn't been paying attention, simply laughing at whatever we had been talking about at the moment. It was just her, as she was.

Goddamn it. As if I wasn't fucked up enough.

"10 seconds!"

"Luke, c'mon, put your phone away, we gotta go!" Ashton chastises as he runs past me, looking surprised I'd even dare have my phone out at a time like this.

Yet again, I was being forced to chose. As Hold Onto Me, a song I would associate with her until I died, continues to play as her ringtone, I'm reminded of exactly what I had given up to be here, and as the crowd continues to scream, I'm reminded of why.

But it doesn't matter anymore, not really. Not much really matters. I ha made my choice. As I click the screen off, ignoring her again, I feel every piece of myself that I'd left with her shatter. I walk to the stage, a blank smile plastered on my face. It feels like a mask. I feel like a puppet, moving automatically as my mind remains in memories of a girl that I can never go back to. I needed a drink.

I was the one who had ruined it, and now she was gone, and now I felt like I was too.

Andy's POV:

The screen goes black in my shaking hands, canceling my last hope. Falling to the floor, my phone bounces across the hardwood, each crack the only sound besides my own heavy breathing. I had hoped, and I had been crushed by daring to do that.

I guess that was it. That was Luke's answer. I wouldn't be calling him again.

He was gone, and he wasn't coming back.

It was time for me to get over it. It was time for me to be my own rock. I could be strong, so much stronger than he could ever imagine. The girl he knew wouldn't be here anymore.

I could fix myself. I wouldn't ever be broken by him again.

It was just me now.

*OKAY IM SORRY THAT WAS SHITTY BUT THERE ARE LITERALLY 6 VERSIONS OF THE EPILOGUE I WROTE AND NONE WERE COMING OUT RIGHT. LONG STORY SHORT, THIS WAS THE ONE THAT SUCKED THE LEAST. ANYWAY STAY IS UP NOW, YOU CAN FIND IT ON MY PROFILE.*