Uncontrollable (Punk Luke Hemmings)

Chapter 29

The night flight home is drastically different from the flight to London. The boys arranged to be on the same flight as Rose and I, making the long flight seem bearable.

I end up seated between Luke and Calum, as Ashton and Michael talked Rose into sitting with them. As the plane took off, all three fell asleep in a tangled mess, making me wonder at their ability to sleep so easily. Calum fell asleep quickly, leaving just me and Luke awake together as the rest of the passengers around us nodded off, the dark atmosphere of the dimly lit plane and late hour getting to them too.

I curled up in the seat, baggy sweater and leggings making it easy, leaning into Luke. His fingers wound through mine, cool and strong and reassuring. I could hear a familiar beat coming from the headphones dangling around his neck.

His lips brushed the top of my head. "Are you going to miss it?"

Luke's fingers threaded through mine are an anchor as I look out the window at the lights of the city I loved disappearing beneath us. "I think I'll always miss it, but I'm glad to be going home."

It's quiet but for the music still coming from Luke's dangling headphones. Luke's hesitant voice interrupts the quiet, shattering the calm a few minutes later.

"We need to talk about America."

I stare intently down at our linked hands, the way his bigger hand seems to completely engulf mine. "I know. But what is there to say, really? You're going to America to start your career and I'm starting uni, and long distance relationships are statistically unsound, and that's that."

"That's not it, Andy, don't do this. You're wrong if you ever think I could just leave you behind as if you'd never walked into my life. You're too damn important," Luke whispers fiercely, turning in his seat to face me more fully.

"That's not it. I trust you. But it's more complicated. Things aren't going to be the same. Things aren't even secure right now, as we're sitting right next to each other. All we seem to do is fight and makeup, fight some more, avoid each other for extended periods of time, then makeup again, and adding a couple thousand miles to that is not going to help that cycle. I don't know what to do or say anymore. You're in my blood, that's not going to change, but at what cost? I don't want my heart broken again."

Luke's eyes look dark and troubled. "I don't want to fight with you anymore. I want to be there for you and with you, always. And I will. I'm not going to break your heart. I already gave mine to you. Oceans between us aren't going to change that."

My hand is still clutched tightly within his, and I have to drop my eyes from his heavy gaze, focusing instead on our hands, together as if we're not teetering on the edge. The edge of what, I'm not sure yet. All I know is that this is something that was inevitable. We're a time bomb, ready to go off at any second. A dizzying, uncontrollable, perfect and dangerous bomb easy to detonate. And all we need is a catalyst to start the explosion.

"Luke, I'm scared, okay? It's been a hellish last couple of weeks, and we've only just started to figure things out and now you're telling me you have to leave, and I'm scared. I don't know what to say besides that I don't want to lose you."

I flick my eyes back up to meet his to find him staring intently at my face, eyebrows drawing together in distress. "I don't know what's going to happen when I leave. I don't know what'll happen, but I can promise you that you're not going to lose me. I've fought too hard for you to let you go that easily."

I lean forward, banishing the thought of Luke leaving me for a moment, kissing the crinkles between his eyes, smoothing out his frown. "Okay." I don't know what else to say. This is our new reality, and I'm accepting it as well as I can. I'm sick of fighting with Luke.

"You know, you could come with me. Any school in the States would love to have you."

I shake my head firmly. "No. I got accepted to a uni in Sydney, and that's where I'm going."

He raises an eyebrow, piercing glinting dimly in the soft lighting. "You won't even think about it?"

"I have, Luke. And I've decided to stay in Australia for now. I'm sick of never staying in one spot. I need to stay."

"Who's to say that I'm not going to lose you while I'm halfway across the world?"

"Trust me, you definitely don't have to worry about that."

"Don't I? What about all the other James and AJs and Chases in the world? Who the hell is going to keep them away from you while I'm gone? Who's going to let them know that you're mine?" Luke's voice has taken on an edge. We're in too deep for this conversation to stop now. And we're having it on an airplane, thousands of feet in the air, in front of our best friends, separated only by a thin layer of sleep.

"I thought we agreed I could handle James and AJ on my own? I can handle myself by myself, because in the end I'm still my own. And those were isolated incidents. And why are you putting Chase's name in there, we're just friends." Our hands are still laced together, but there's a different buzz between us now, one that I'm not entirely prepared for.

Luke snorts derivatively. "You're so blind, you beautiful, beautiful blind girl. I see the way Chase looks at you, and I'm not dumb. He wants you."

I pull my hand free from Luke's, dropping my head down into my hands, fingers spreading over my face, wondering how we got here. "Luke, that's what Chase said to me about you. And he definitely doesn't want me, and even if he did, the only one I want is you. Don't let your jealousy get in the way. You're smarter than that."

"I am not jealous." Luke growls, eyes flashing.

I grab his face between my hands, forcing him to look at me in the eyes. I speak a clearly as I can. "Lucas, I don't give a damn about any other boy but you. We're in this together, you and I, and I'm not backing out now or ever. Things are going to change when you leave. You're going to get famous and make music, and I'm going to go to college. But we'll figure it out. Together. Get that through your fucking ridiculously thick skull."

Luke's blue eyes are a shade darker than usual, driving into mine, boiling me in my own skin. His gaze is intense, peering through me, processing what I just said. My hands are still clutching his face within inches of mine, and he barely has to lean forward to connect his lips with mine.

The kiss is short and sweet and tastes so completely of Luke I forget we're in an airplane for a moment. It says everything and nothing at the same time, filling in the hole that had been digging itself in me.

"Andy." Luke breathes my name, breath washing over my skin like a prayer.

Nothing has been resolved, not yet. But now there's a subtle shift between us, and I know I don't have to worry. I have Luke.

His hand finds mine again, fingers slipping through mine, holding me gently, like a feather he's afraid will blow away in the wind. But there's a certain fierceness to it too, as if I'm the only thing holding him down. I lean my head against his shoulder, grabbing one of his headphones and popping it in my ear as he does the same. His hand holds mine as a quiet song plays in our ears, linking us together, unremarkable but for the fact that it's in both of our ears.

We don't speak, because there's nothing to say. Everything that needs to be heard has already been said, and we can deal with anything else as it comes.

*sorry for such a short and kinda badly written chapter, but they needed to talk about it at least a little bit:) feedback is always welcome, like always.

IMPORTANT- so the end may or may not be coming soon. Idk how long I plan on making this book. There's still quite a bit before it fully wraps up, but it's coming. So my question is: write a sequel focused on Andy and Luke over a year later after they breakup, or write a sequel focused on another boy? Let me know what you want to read. I'll write both eventually, but I really wanted to know which one everyone wanted to read first:) thanks lovelies.*