Uncontrollable (Punk Luke Hemmings)

Chapter 38

"Yes, for the fiftieth time, Niall, I'm fine." I wiggle the phone a bit closer to my ear with my shoulder, trying very hard not to drop the camera in my hand or my keys as I struggle to unlock the door.

"Well fuck, Andy, you obviously aren't fine if Rose is telling me to call you. It's only been a week."

I finally manage to unlock my apartment door, slinging the camera down to more fully focus on my conversation with the concerned Irishman.

"Rose is just being paranoid, I'm fine, I promise. I already finished the article I was writing about them, deleted all the pictures of him, I'm moving on. I mean, it was my choice to break up, I'd rather get my heart broken on my own terms than his."

"Rose doesn't get paranoid, she gets it right. Have you seen those eyes of hers? Fucking creepy man." He pauses a moment. "It's gonna be super awkward touring with Luke after this."

"No it's not, you guys will be fine. We just weren't meant to be, I guess."

He snorts. "Sure."

"Okay, give me your honest opinion as a guy: was I being clingy? Was it all my fault?" The words escape before I can stop them, every fear I'd had since he walked away getting out. Was it me, had I pushed him too far? I didn't want to think about it, but I couldn't stop.

He sighs in a big whooshing sound, but gives it to me straight, like I wanted.

"Well, you were supposedly the first person Luke has ever opened up like this to, the only one he's ever actually dated. He was probably insanely out of his element, and you pushed the one button he wouldn't let go. Whether he loved you or not didn't matter because he wouldn't have been able to say it anyway. To most people, you probably weren't being clingy, clingy is fucked up, I don't think you were being clingy, but he probably felt smothered at the time. I don't know, Andy, I just don't know. We all know how he feels, don't know why he couldn't just say it. You both fucked up big time and now it is what it is and you gotta get over it sometimes."

"That was blunt." I laugh into the phone, leaning my head back against the wall. Hadn't Luke known I was just as inexperienced as he was in this stuff?

Niall is quiet for a moment, seeming to think things over before he asks the next question. "Was the sex good at least?"

If I had been drinking something, I would have spit it out. "What is it with you people and asking if it was good? Rose asked me, Chase asked me, Michael asked me, and now you're asking me! If you were here, I'd hit you like I hit them, but you're not, so I'll just settle for fuck you, the sex was amazing but it's not like it's happening again."

"I don't know who Chase is, Andy." Niall reminds me.

"He's in Rose's band. I gotta go, thanks for calling me, I'm completely over it. Gonna go try to do something productive, clear my head."

His voice is sad when he replies. "You're not over it, you probably never will be. Anyone could see how in love with him you were."

"He wasn't in love with me too, it doesn't matter."

"It does matter. I'll call you later, yeah? I miss you, Andy."

"Miss you too, even though we only actually met in person those couple of times."

"Oi, long distance friendships are the best. This way, I can call you when I'm smashed, but you're not obligated to come take care of me, and vice versa. Anyway, call me later."

"Bye, Niall." I hang up the phone and toss it at the couch, running my figures through my hair, feeling the way it untangles beneath my fingers as I collapse down on the couch.