RoomMates

Thank god for best friends (part 1)

(Narrator)
The two boys decided to go out on the town for their last day (as in the last calm day before shit gets extremely busy and stressful) in the house. Stupidly, they went to a bar. 
And even though they made it out alive, when they got home it was 11:58 and they(Matt and his inner bitch) were stupidly drunk. Ryan was smart enough to take the roll of being the sober one to 'hold your hair as you vomit' or in his case 'not let you get ran over by a car'. So he only had a drink, and slowly drank it as the night flew by. Laughing at how stupidly cute his friend may be. At one point Matt started to flirt with a big muscly biker dude and did some badddd and might  I add extremely offensive, pick-up lines. Including the absolutely stupid 'you must be butter because I want to spread you all over everything'. 
         That was the highlight of the night and also the last words spoken out of his mouth. Which was punched directly afterward, and ended us up outside the bar as he bled from his lip into a napkin held against it.
          If they were both drunk, all of hell would've frozen over. I say it as if it hasn't happened yet, when it has. Oh, it has. And lemme just tell you now, they are an absolute mess drunk.            
          When drunk and apart, they are pretty good. But when together and drunk off the wall, they end up becoming two different people. Ryan?, more like your annoying aunt that won't shut up. And Matt is more like that long lost cousin who speaks absolute nonsense and wouldn't come as a surprise to be a slut.
           Together they are the wonder twins, making America wonder why they were put on the same earth as alcohol and why they were allowed to have it.