Or Is It Real?

CHAPTER 10: That's My Girl

Lauren's POV

Camila kissed me.

An actual, full-on, tongue-inside-my-mouth kiss. Like what the heck, right?

I can't believe that actually happened.

So, first she ignores me for weeks, then she kisses me like that on my birthday, and to end the night with a bang, she leaves all huffy and puffy without even so much as a goodnight? Only god knows what I did wrong again, I don't even wanna know anymore.

What the actual fuck am I dealing with?

I wish she would have stayed so we could talk about it, but I didn't wanna push her. She said she'll text me, but the hundred times that I checked my phone, I haven't gotten any messages from her.

Leave it to Camila to mess with my mind like that.

Okay, fuck it. I need some clarification.

I grabbed my phone for what felt like the thousandth time tonight and texted Camila.

(2:35 a.m.) "Hey, r u still up?"

Watch me act so chill, like hey mama what's up, whatchu doin, like ya know I'm just bored and shit and I'm totally not obsessing over the fact that you just kissed me, so yeah, hey r u still up?

Yeah. I'm so chill right now I'm a polar bear.

I put down my phone in frustration when I didn't get a reply. Well, I'm overreacting because it's only been like two minutes since I sent that text.

Whatever.

Why wasn't she texting back? Was she already asleep? How can she be asleep, when I'm going out of my mind trying to interpret the meaning behind that kiss! Never in my wildest imagination did I ever think that Camila would kiss me. I mean, it's Camila, for crying out loud! Innocent little Camzzi who never even had a boyfriend and a first kiss.

Whoa, wait the fuck up. Was I her first kiss? I was, wasn't I? Unless she kissed some random guy without telling me, then yes I am.

Damn.

Somehow, the thought that I was her first kiss makes me smile.

I can still feel her lips on mine, as if it's still happening right now, and it was so tender and yet burning hot at the same time, that I couldn't help but feel something stir inside me that I couldn't yet decipher.

What's happening to me?

Am I attracted to my bestfriend?

I've dated a lot of guys, but I never had an actual girlfriend before. But Camila wasn't my first girl kiss. I have practiced kissing with my childhood bestfriend, Alexa, before but that was purely platonic. Alexa is so terribly straight, and I've known her since we were wearing diapers, that even if we stood naked in front of each other trying out bikinis and shit, nothing sexual will ever happen.

The closest thing I've had with a girl that I could call something that's definitely more than friendship was with one of my bestfriends, Lucy. Uhm, okay, it's definitely a more-than-friendship thing that we've had. Well, I guess she's technically my first girlfriend if we have thought of labelling what we were at that time. But we didn't. We just did things (and boy did we do a lot of things!) – experimented, I believe is the right term – and felt all sorts of emotions towards each other, but we never talked about it. We simply "experimented" over and over again, and then acted like nothing out of the ordinary had happened after each time. What do you expect, we were kids and we were taught that girls didn't do the kind of stuff that we did behind closed doors.