Or Is It Real?

Chapter 28: Lost Frequencies

Lauren's PoV

I can't say for sure where we went wrong, and no amount of overthinking could help me figure out how to fix it. And that's what scared me, because how can you fix something if you don't know how it broke in the first place?

Maybe it's the fact that we were both too young and rushed into a relationship that we were too immature to handle.

Or maybe we were too blinded by our overeager desires and mutual fondness and mistook it for love?

Maybe it's the people around us, constantly telling us what to do, or what not to do. People who don't even know us judging our every move, analyzing our words and our actions. People who only cared about what will make them happy, or how they'll benefit from us, and ending up disregarding our own feelings; the fact that we, too, are human beings, tossed aside like a banana peel laying on a cold pavement, left to rot, or until someone picks it up to throw it in the trash. That's how insignificant I feel sometimes.

It's funny, because as celebrities, people think we have the world in our hands, that we live a glamorous life, all glittery and pretty, all smiles and rockstar lifestyles. Sure, at times it really does feel great to be in a position of fame and power - someone who people drool over, someone whose voice gets heard, someone who, according to the shallow world of media, matters. In this vast universe, we are all but a tiny speck amidst billions of other tiny irrelevant specks, yet somehow, a few shine brighter than the rest. Stars. A bunch of lucky terrestrial stars, so to speak, being gazed upon by the rest of the other dimmer specks. Figurative gods walking the earth, you'll think we all have the power to do what our hearts desire. One could never be more wrong.

Not that I'm ungrateful. But lately, I find myself wondering more and more if it's all worth it?

Do I really want this life, if the one thing that has truly made me happy in these past few years now seemed to be further out of my reach?

When did this happen? How could I have let it happen?

Maybe it's my fault, really. Maybe I shouldn't have insisted that we keep "us" a secret, then this probably wouldn't have happened. Maybe if I have been braver like Camila, uncaring of what other people would think and how it will affect our relationship, maybe we would still be the same people we used to be. She'll still be my bestfriend who I can look at whenever I want to, hug or touch whenever I feel like it, and maybe we'd be together now, enjoying these cocktails in front of me, laughing about silly stuff, listening to the same music that we both like, and talking about books that we have both read.

Maybe it'll be easier if I chose that path. But how could have I known? We only live once, there's nothing to compare it with. Every decision we make, or steps we take, there'll always be unknown consequences waiting at the end of each path, and there's nothing in our power to control the situation. We just have to close our eyes, breathe deeply, and wish that we chose the right road that will bring us closer to our victory... or in my case, failure. When I made that decision to not divulge our relationship and go with the management's PR stunts, I only had our best interests in my heart. But look where that got me: drunk in a chaotic bar, with my equally hammered friends, somewhere in San Juan.

So whose fault was it?

Nobody.

It is just what it is. Shit happens. Life happens.