days have passed but it felt like not a moment elapsed. Alternatively of feeling better, I felt more torn apart. It was like a flame that burnt all of my satisfaction and demolished it utterly, all torn apart with nothing left but dejection.
I felt like all I could do was cry and drown in my pool of tears. I felt more depressed rather than torn, feeling the numbness that overtakes my body daily. There was a place inside where my heart used to be, now it was just a hole.
previously my beliefs of falling in love and being loved back had vanished instantly. I no longer trust in fate, destiny and love in general. There was never such a thing, possibly in the beginning but in the end, it's only yourself who depends on love.
love is supposed to be having an unconditional and affectionate emotion towards a being. That you embraced their being and their flaws all together as you fall in love more. Loving meant being happy and crazily in love without having no reason to love them. it comes naturally.
but to think of it, what is love?
love is pain. It's not pleasuring and certainly not the best feeling in the world. It tears you apart and all you could do was bare with it. The pain that overtakes your body and just hear your faint cries and aching heart calling out for the person you love.
every time I thought about Jiyoon my heart starts to cramp and throb emotionally. It's painful and there was no cure. It's not like I wanted a cure anyways.
"Jungkook, you haven't eaten for days. You gotta eat man." says Yoongi,
he was right. I never eat. I was never in the mood to do anything, let's say I was slacking off and stayed in my room all day. But what could I do? the pain overtakes me too much that I can't do anything about it. Even my social life is getting involved due to my stay inside the dorm everyday.
"You can't ruin yourself all because of one girl!" yells Namjoon,
he was never the type to be this serious and when he does, it gets scary. He usually jokes around, but at this moment, he looked fairly alarming.
"Let the lad alone, he recently had his heart broken. It's not easy to tell him something like that." Says Yoongi,
Namjoon calms down letting out a heavy sigh,
"I just hope that you don't let her get in between with bangtan." says Namjoon.
He was correct, I couldn't let anything including what I'm going through affect our group and friendship. I didn't want anyone to be involved in what I felt because no one is at fault,
If I was the one to experience this, then I'll be the one to go through this battle alone.
It doesn't matter if it meant being in greater pain as long as I know that no one should be feeling what I was feeling.
"Neh." i say, the first word i've let out these past days.
I walked past the two and headed back inside my room, straight to my bed that was drenched in so much sweat and tears. The smell wasn't satisfactory due to my presence that haven't left this room for days.
A knock shortly banged on my door not too loud but enough for me to hear.
I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. I wanted to say it was open, but no words wanted to be let out.
Suddenly, the knob turned gently and a figure appeared. It was Jimin with a weary look hanging on his face.
I just watched him as he walked towards me as he sat on the edge of my bed.
"I know that you need a lot of help right now as you think that you're alone. Ani ani ani. You're never alone..."
"that's why were here for you. I understand what you're going through, so don't go through this alone."
"that's why we're a family. To help each other out." he finishes,
his words struck in my mind like a permanent tattoo. It made me come to my senses that, maybe I wasn't alone.
