the weather of seoul was indescribably bipolar these days. It would be sunny with a slight breeze and can easily change to a cold or rainy atmosphere. Maybe because of the season changing, who knows.
I felt like I've lost my mind a lot recently, it was everywhere and it didn't function well. All that was in my head was the thought of her, either I was imagining, daydreaming, zoning out, anything, it was always her in my thoughts. Not even a second or minute has she never crossed my mind.
It was driving me crazy and I didn't know what to do. The only option I had was to think. Think of all my mistakes, the things I could've done better and what I should've done to make her more satisfied about me, about us. It was always negativity that I thought of, despite all the advices I've received, not even one has struck my mind.
Everyday, every night, my mind is wandering about you. If you're also missing me a slight bit and possibly changing your mind about coming back. But, there was not even a tiny possibility of us happening again.
Maybe there is, but it only happens in my dreams.
A tear rolled down my cheek while I clasped onto the photo of us. I looked at the photo silently with stifled sobs, my eyes full of hurt and sorrow, the pain still felt like an open wound.
As much as I tried to hold it in, the pain came out of my throat like an uproar of silent screams. Looking at that little portrait of us, I wanted to scrunch it up, rip it, throw it out but I had no guts to do it.
I blinked briny tears as my eyes were bloodshot, feeling my eyelashes sticking together every time I'd blink. The tears made wet tracks down on my face that dripped down towards my chin. My lips quivering into anger and hurt, as I stood there facing the wall.
The wall made me think of a punching bag, like it was necessary to bring my anger out. My fist curled into a ball while many more unstoppable tears slid down my face, releasing all of its sorrow and leaving no bits.
I released my anger and threw a punch at the wall, eventually regretting it due to the backfire of pain. I yelled out in grief while my hand throbbed in discomfort. Soon realizing that my knuckles had various cuts and little by little, blood started to appear.
"Aish, jinjja?!" I shout while getting a tissue that was placed on my desk,
suddenly the door bursted open and in came six boys whom looked concerned as hell. Worry filled their eyes, just watching them come running towards me with that frightened look visualized on their faces.
"What happened?" blurts out Taehyung,
"Gwaenchanha?" asks Jimin,
I was breathing heavily while tears still remained to slide down my face. I let out a shriek and shake my head, falling down on the ground while cradling myself in a ball.
I rocked back in fourth while I felt the hands of my fellow members caressing my back for comfort.
"We heard a loud thud that came from your room. What did you do?" asks Namjoon,
I hesitated to talk, no words wanted to be let out. Instead, I raised my hand and by now the room filled with gasps and sighs.
"Jungkook"
"stop hurting yourself, enough to the point where you can't take it anymore."
"you're already hurt enough, don't bring yourself more sorrow." says Jimin.
