What Should Have Been

Part 24

Connie finally got home after what could be described as one of the longest days in all her working life. Nothing had gone the way she wanted it to today, losing patients, awkward patients, awkward staff... Everything that could happen, did. Not to mention passing Sam in the corridor yet again.

She pushed the door shut swiftly collapsing down against it. Her mind full of today's events and how everything seemed to be slipping out of her control. She no longer managed what happened in her life and it was the one thing she feared the most. Losing control.

Resting her head back against the door, Connie released a deflated sigh wishing that everything would just stop. She didn't want to feel anything anymore, she just wanted it all to disappear for a while.

She dragged herself up and into the kitchen grabbing the first bottle she saw. Bypassing the glass, she moved straight into the living room opening it before pausing momentarily. Looking down at the bottle she swallowed past the solid lump that had formed in her throat. Picking it back up she tilted her head back taking a mouthful.

Slowly she felt herself undoing, bit by bit, everything being released and piece by piece she began to break. Tears fell down her cheeks as she slipped down from the sofa to the floor. Her knees held tightly up to her chest as she continued to drink.

Nothing would change this. How could it? The one person she'd found herself coming to depend on had told her he was quite possibly dying, and soon. She shouldn't be this selfish, she should be out there helping him but instead she was here drowning her own sorrows.

Sam had watched Connie leave work that night knowing something was off about her. Things had been bad for some time, yes but this was different. She wasn't herself anymore no matter which way he tried to look at it. He couldn't help but blame himself for everything that was happening now.

Despite himself he needed to know she was okay. She needed to know that she was in a good mind set, not willing to do anything stupid. Rather than go straight home he detoured elsewhere. He knocked on the door seeing a light switch on through the glass panel. "Sam?" "Elliot, I need your help."

Connie sat in the same position she'd been in for the last two hours, the only difference was the number of empty bottles before her. Her tears no longer stung her eyes as they fell down her face. Her cries no longer racked her body as they once did, her energy had depleted considerably.

"Sam!" "Hey sweetheart... You staying with Uncle Elliot tonight I see?" She nodded as he picked her up from the floor, leaning into him. "Connie said she had to work late-" "She left before me." Elliot looked to Sam's worried expression before leaving the room picking up his phone on the way.

Her phone continued to ring, she didn't want to talk to anyone. Not now, not ever but as she saw his name flash up on her screen her mind screamed at her. "Elliot? Is Grace okay, has something happened to her-" "No Connie, I was just checking everything was okay..." She hesitantly responded confirming his worries from before. "I'm fine. Look after Grace for me Elliot, thank you."

When the line went dead he turned to see Sam had been standing there listening. "I need to go round there-" "I don't think that's a good idea, do you?" "Then what do you suggest!? I can't stand back and let her do this to herself Elliot!" Grace came tottering out into the hallway hearing them shouting. "Now is not the time Sam."

He turned looking down to Grace who was cowering behind her blanket. "Come here you..." Grace wrapped her arms around his neck holding onto him. Elliot watched the two, seeing the paternal instincts he held for his daughter without even knowing it. "Stay with Grace." "What? Where are you going?" "Like you said, we can't let her to do this to herself."

Without another word Elliot was leaving the house. Sam wandered back into the living room with Grace taking a seat on the sofa. "Hey, what's wrong?" "Mummy's sad." Sam forced a smile placing a hand to the little girls cheek. He really did see so much of Connie in her, but the connection he felt to her was unlike no other. "I know she is-" "You make Mummy happy, can't you come back again?"

Sam felt a part of him shatter at the young girls words. "I wish I could Gracie... I really do..." He ran a hand back through her hair as she dropped her head to his chest again. He left it a few minutes, cradling her quietly. "I promise you... I'll do everything it takes to get your Mummy happy again... I promise Grace."

By this point Connie lay barely conscious on the sofa, her phone only lightly still in her hand. Elliot pulled up outside to see all the lights off within the house. Her car was parked outside but it was eerily silent. He quickly got out and headed for the door but before he got there he caught sight of a reflection from the window.

His eyes widened briefly before he found her key that she'd given him before hastily opening the door. He pushed the door shut rushing inside, dropping to her side. "Connie? Connie! Can you hear me?" She groaned slightly as she rolled her head to one side. "Elliot?" "It's me Connie, I'm here-" "Gr-Grace... Where's Grace!?"

Suddenly she became more alert trying to sit up but Elliot stopped her. "She's with Sam, she's safe-" "No! I don't want him near my baby!" She pushed his hands away standing up beginning to walk to the door before he called after her. "She's his daughter too Connie!" She stopped walking, her head spinning as she fell down to the floor.

Elliot was beside her as she began to cry once again. "Come on..." "I can't Elliot, I can't do this anymore." He held onto her as she cried into his shoulder. "You can and you will." He remained sitting there with her for some time before walking her back to the sofa. He got her a glass of water from the kitchen making her drink it before getting her another one.

Connie was sat staring idly ahead of her as she sobered up. When he was sure she wasn't going to do anything, Elliot stepped out of the room. "It's me... Yes I'm with her, she's awake... Far from fine, but I'm with her so try not to panic. You just focus on Grace." Sam gritted his teeth wanting to argue back but knew it wouldn't achieve anything. "Fine, keep me updated."

When he returned to the room Connie was still in the same position. "Was that Sam?" Elliot nodded as he took a seat beside her as she scoffed. "Pretending to care again was he?" "Connie." He spoke sternly causing her stare to falter. "You know he cares so stop being so stubborn." "He lied to me!" "And you're still lying to him!"

Elliot didn't like raising his voice to Connie, especially not when she was most vulnerable but sometimes it was the only way to get through to her. "Now you know as well as I do, that he did not come here to lie to you, nor did he come to stand back and see you hurt like this. So pull yourself together and start thinking of the poor man who is going through this himself."

Connie swallowed letting her eyes fall to her hands as she felt the surge of guilt tear through her. "I think I need to lie down-" "It's probably best. I'll keep Grace tonight, I'll call in the morning to see how you are Connie." She nodded standing from where she'd been sat and dragged her feet towards the stairs.

Elliot let her go before clearing away the mess from tonight. After he'd finished he returned home to see Grace fast asleep on Sam's chest. Instead of disturbing them both, he placed a blanket over them before retiring for the night himself.