What Should Have Been

Part 59

Sam lay awake with his arm wrapped around Connie, his hand placed to her stomach. Although it was barely recognisable, he knew it was there now. That his baby was only seven months away from him. He moved his hand in gentle circular motions across her tummy, an undeniable smile on his face.

"You're going to go to hospital right?" Connie turned her head slightly as she leant into his chest. "Huh?" "To have the baby, please tell me you haven't got these crazy ideas of a home birth." She smirked with a laugh before shaking her head. "No Sam, I'm not having this baby at home."

He smiled leaning over slightly to met her lips. She lay contently, his chest pressed behind her and his strong arm around her waist. Connie let a hand fall to his where it lay across her stomach. "What do you think Grace will say when we tell her?" Connie released a slow breath as she closed her eyes for a moment. "I think she'll be excited to be a big sister... She's always talked about being one, I just never had the heart to tell her it wouldn't happen."

Sam pressed a kiss to her hair as she inhaled deeply. "Well I think my little princess is going to be incredible." "Me too... What do you want?" "Hmm?" Connie pulled out of his embrace, turning to face him. Sam dropped his arm back around her, his hand pressing to the small of her back. "A boy or a girl?"

He grinned moving his head to look up at the ceiling. "A little girl-" "Really?" Connie watched him carefully with a smile. "Yeah... Someone I can love and protect, threaten all the future boyfriends... Watch her grow up to be as beautiful as her mother." He twisted back to glance down at her. "What do you want?" "A boy, I mean I love Grace but god can she can be-" "Like you?"

Connie nudged his chest before laughing with a nod. "Painfully hard to deal with at times... Besides I think a miniature you running about couldn't be too hard to manage, I mean I put up with you for enough years to know how to handle it." Sam smirked as she placed her hands to his chest gently. "As long as they're healthy, I don't care I just don't want it to be like last time."

Sam frowned moving a hand to her cheek brushing the hair back from her face. "Connie? What's wrong-" "It's nothing-" "Hey, don't do that. Talk to me." She took a breath before releasing it slowly. "When Grace was born, I- I... Shocked myself with the defibrillator paddles, said I was fine. Took myself into theatre and carried on ignoring everything that my baby was shouting to me."

She tried turning away but Sam placed a hand to her cheek wiping the few tears that had fallen. "She was seven weeks premature, and breech and all I could do was worry about when I could go back to work." He leant closer placing a kiss to her forehead before pulling her into his chest. "I could have lost her Sam... She was so small, so sick... And, and I can't- I can't go through that again."

Connie's head rest against his chest as he tried to soothe her. "Shh, hey everything's going to be fine... You're not on your own-" "But that wasn't the problem... There was nothing I could do for her, I couldn't make it all go away. I'm a doctor I'm supposed to make things better and I couldn't."

Sam refused to let her go like this. "Look at me." Connie reluctantly turned back looking up to him. "If you even think I am going to let you anywhere near that hospital while you're heavily pregnant you can think again. I'm not letting you ever put yourself into that position Connie, and I don't care if you think you're the big I am who can tell everyone what to do. I won't let it happen."

Connie opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. Instead she lowered her eyes as Sam sighed. "I love you. I love Grace, and I will love our baby just as much, let me take care of you properly. Don't become the woman you were who shut me down every time I tried... Please?" Connie closed her eyes hearing his pleas before nodding slowly.

Sam let an easy smile fall to his lips as he looked at her. "God I'd hate to be the guy who had to deliver your baby-" "Hey! I wasn't that bad." He smirked as she rolled her eyes before wrapping her arms around him hugging him properly.

They lay quietly together for a while before Connie lay flat on her back. Sam pushed the covers down to her waist causing her to frown. "Sam what are you-" he nudged her top up to reveal her stomach before placing his hand warily to it. A half smile came to Sam's face as he looked down at where his hand lay.

"We should probably get this introduction out the way. Hey baby, my name's Sam but all you need to is know is that I'm your Daddy and I'm going to always love you more than anything. And this woman right here, she's your Mummy and she is the most incredible, beautiful woman in the world...

I know you can't hear any of this, and I know for a fact your Mummy is glaring at me right now... But I promise I'll never let anything happen to you. Daddy's going to protect you for as long as he lives." Sam gently ran his fingers across her tummy, beginning to notice a slight raise. Whether it was his mind playing tricks on him now that he knew she was pregnant, or if it was only obvious because he knew he wasn't sure.

Connie's eyes filled with tears at how tenderly he touched her, at how soft his voice was as he spoke, even if it was stupid. Sam was propped up, slightly lower down the bed as he continued to speak. "I'll get this out of the way now, you're Mummy can be an insane control freak at times but I love her. I wouldn't change her for the world, and she's going to love you so, so much...

She'll be there for all the times you fall over and graze your knees... Whenever you can't do something, and you think that it will never make sense... When you fall out with friends because you both like the same person... All those little things, this Mummy, she's going to be right here for you day and night... Because deep down, that's the sort of person she is.

She's caring and kind, no matter how strong she likes to show she is. She's independent and can show you how to keep your heart from getting broken. She knows how to love and fights being loved, but I know she'll show you all of that. She's, amazing and talented... Clever, funny, bossy as hell but when you get it right with her, she can be relaxed, laid back you just have to know her inside and out.

Oh and did I mention bossy? Yeah, you'll learn that quickly... She's incredibly beautiful, just like your big sister Grace. I've never seen anyone quite like them, and if you're a girl, I know you're going to be just as gorgeous as them... And if you're going to be my little prince, I know you'll be a handsome one."

Connie watched Sam speaking, his eyes never meeting hers. Tears rolled slowly down Connie's cheeks at everything he said, unsure of whether she really wanted to laugh or cry at his words. "One last thing pea, you are so, so loved." He leant down placing a quick, gentle kiss to her tummy before caressing it once again.

When he returned his gaze to Connie's he saw the tears that she was trying to cover as she sniffed. A saddened smile on her face as he placed a hand to her cheek. "I love you." He smiled glancing back down to her stomach. "We love you..." Connie laughed before dropping her head. Looking up at him again, she arched a brow. "Pea?" "Yeah, problem?" Connie couldn't help but laugh again as she nodded. "Pea?" "Hey everyone has nicknames for their babies and that's always what I'd had in mind."

Connie let his arms encase her once more as she rest her head to his chest again. They were silent but it was comfortable until Connie broke it. "For what it's worth, pea and I love you too." Sam matched her smile before placing a gentle kiss to her lips, smiling against them before the joking and chatting carried on.