What Should Have Been

Part 38

Today was always a difficult day and for the past four years it had been even harder. She always tried to ignore the things she felt but it seemed that with each year, it became more complicated.

Grace came tumbling out of playschool before one of the nursery workers approached Connie. "Mrs Beauchamp?" "Yes?" Grace was holding onto Connie already while she looked up at the young woman. "I just wanted to say Grace seemed to have some trouble at first today. You see we were making father's day cards, and well... Grace found it hard to begin with, she asked a lot of questions-" "Such as?"

The younger woman seemed to stutter and wobble under Connie's watch. "She asked us why her father wasn't around, why he didn't live with you both... Grace wanted to join in though, so she's made something for you-" "No it's not for Mummy, it has to be for your Daddy..." Connie dropped down to her daughter's level placing a comforting hand to her cheek. "Sweetheart, it's okay you don't have to-" "But I want to... I might not have a Daddy but, but..."

Connie inhaled sharply before looking to Grace again. "But what sweetie?" "Well... You said that Daddy's take their children to the park, and push them really high on the swings. And you said they help them when they can't reach the monkey bars. You said Daddy's take you on picnics and that they make your Mummy really happy." Connie focused on her daughter as she looked towards the nursery worker. "Yes but-" "Well Sam takes me to the park, and he took me for a picnic and he makes you happy Mummy."

Grace smiled to her mother before looking down to the floor. "So I made it for Sam..." Her feet had suddenly become extremely interesting as she stared down at them, afraid to look at her Mum. "Oh baby, I think he'll love it... Come here sweetheart." Grace ran forwards into Connie's arms as she pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

In that moment, she was unsure whether she was incredibly proud of her daughter or hating herself for lying to her baby girl. The very man she saw as her father, was in fact the real thing. After everything, she had no idea how Grace was going to react to the reality that was who Sam was. "Come on, how about we get ourselves home?" Grace nodded as Connie stood up taking her daughters hand. "Thank you."

Connie left feeling the tears sting at her eyes before heading home for the night. Almost on cue her phone began to ring. "Hey Connie, I was wandering if you needed someone to take you to visit your father-" "Charlie... I really don't feel like going, anyway who would have Grace?" "I think you and I both know the answer to that last part... Call him, you need to do this for yourself today."

The call ended and she was still sitting in her car. Grace was standing on the steps by the front door waiting for her. Connie got out texting Sam as she did so before letting her daughter inside. "Baby do you want to stay at Sam's tonight?" "Are you coming too Mummy?" She smiled as her daughter bounced down to her. "Course I am, but I have to pop out for a little while too. That okay?" She nodded before rushing upstairs into her room.

Before long they were in the car once again heading to Sam's. By the time they got there he was cooking dinner bringing a smile to Connie's lips as she came into the kitchen. "Really are the domestic goddess aren't you?" "Hmm funny Beauchamp... So, you okay today?" She stopped what she was doing before looking up to him with a gentle nod. "Charlie's taking me to the church later."

She didn't lift her eyes as she spoke. "Oh Con, you know I'd have taken you-" "I know. But I wanted you here with Grace." He smiled rubbing his hand to her arm gently before leaning in and kissing her. "What was that for?" "Just because I love you." She smiled gently as he caressed her cheek before standing up. "Dinner."

Grace and Sam had spent the entire time talking, him making her laugh more than anything else while Connie watched them. Sam's head lifted as a knock came from the door. "That'll be Charlie, I'll be back soon." He smiled before shaking his head. "Leave it Con, I'll sort it all." She smiled before grabbing her coat wandering from the room.

The car journey was silent as she stared from the window. Charlie didn't want to break the silence as she remained focused on the outside world. At home, Grace was rummaging about in her bedroom leaving Sam to clean up after dinner. As he sat down on the sofa Grace came running out with something in her hand.

"Woah you... What's this?" She stood in front of him looking down to the floor. "I made it at school today." He smiled taking it from her as she continued to talk. "They were taking about Daddy's who took their children to the park and made them laugh at school. So I made you this card because you're my Daddy."

Sam sat looking down at the piece of paper. Grace stepped beside him pointing to the people. "That's you, that's Mummy and that's me. That's the park because that's where you always take me and make me smile." Sam opened it up reading the short message that had obviously been put into all the children's cards. "Grace I love it." He pulled her up onto his lap wrapping his arms around her tightly.

Connie stood in front of the grave laying down the flowers Charlie had kindly picked up for her. "I miss you Dad, I might not act like I do... You always told me not to make a mess of my life, seems I've managed that though." Charlie stepped closer placing a hand to her shoulder as she turned into him. "What am I going to do Charlie?" "Tell him the truth... It's not just you that you need to consider anymore."

It was later than she had anticipated and by the time Connie was letting herself into Sam's, she walked into a quiet house. The lights were dim and the TV played quietly in the background. Grace was nowhere to be seen and neither was Sam. A glass of wine sat on the side, her name written on a piece of paper beside it.

She took it with a smile sitting down on the sofa as she noticed the card Grace had made standing on the mantle piece beside the framed photos of the two of them. Taking a deep breath she sat forward considering what to say. He needed to know, but how do you tell someone that the child you've been around for the last five months is yours?

Sam returned to the room seeing Connie's expression and took a seat next to her straight away. "Hey..." She forced a sort of smile turning to him about to talk. "Sam look-" "It's okay, I know." "You do?" She frowned causing him to nod lifting a hand to her cheek. "I know today's hard for you, missing your Dad it can't be easy Connie... And now with Grace too, I'm here." She swallowed the lump in her throat with a nod letting a tear fall before allowing herself to fall into his side.

He comforted her as she allowed him to think he knew what was bothering her. The thought of continuing this lie made her sick but she couldn't form the words she needed to right now. Maybe on another day it would be different but today she couldn't care to say the words.