What Should Have Been

Part 79

Sam woke first the following morning, rolling onto his side to see Grace still tucked up in the bed between the pair of them. She had woken the previous night after having a nightmare, unable to fall asleep again. As he watched her he couldn't help but see the many long nights he would have with their baby girl.

Sitting up he ran a hand through Connie's hair soothingly causing her to shuffle in the bed, burying her head into the pillow a little further. A content smile was on her lips as she slept unaware of his eyes on her.

Grace was wrapped up beneath the duvet as she curled into her mother. The two of them were a picture and Sam could do nothing but think of all the reasons he loved them. Soon it would be different, but he knew for sure that nothing could ever stop him from loving his girls like he did now.

Turning back Sam lay watching them as he thought back to a conversation he had had with Connie so many years before.

"Ha. Children? No chance, tell me you are actually joking." "What? You've never thought about it?" Connie's strong façade slowly fell, not completely but enough for her voice to falter as she shrugged. "I don't know. I've never pictured it- I couldn't anyway, this career doesn't allow for children and families."

Sam nodded with a small shrug of his shoulders as he had another drink. Connie stared down into the glass as she considered the conversation they were having. "What made you ask anyway?" He looked over to her shaking his head as he leant back against the sofa beside her. "Just this case today. The way you were with the patient, you were good with her. Figured it was some maternal instinct you buried within yourself, must have got it from your own-"

Connie scoffed causing Sam to glance at her again. "No?" "Hardly. An absent mother doesn't provide the best example." Sam frowned keeping his eyes on her as she ignored the attention he was paying her. "She wasn't a good mother?" "I... I can't say, I barely knew the woman."

She wasn't sure what possessed her to even mention that, and to Sam of all people. It had been the day from hell and the sheer fact they were drinking in her office showed that much. But right now, she needed some kind of distraction from the sad and pathetic life that seemed to consume her now.

"Connie-" "No. Forget I said anything." He reached for her arm but she got up moving across the office to her cabinet where she poured herself another drink. "Want another?" Sam stood placing his glass on the desk beside her before turning around and leaning against it, his arms folded against his chest. "Is that why you're so cold?"

She placed the bottle down picking up his glass passing it to him. Walking past him she barely acknowledged the question he had asked. "Is that why you pretend like you don't care?" "So what if it was? Hmm, what you suddenly know me all because I told you my mother wasn't there for me?" Sam shook his head as Connie drank her drink all at once.

"No it doesn't... But it explains why you'd think you'd be a bad mother." She paused unable to find the words required to respond. "Because for what it's worth, after seeing you out there today. I think you'd be an incredible mum." She lifted her eyes to meet his slowly, a saddened smile on her face as Sam placed a hand to her arm.

Connie clenched her jaw thinking about everything they had spoken about. "I know you won't but, if you ever need to tell someone anything then I'll listen. I best be off, wouldn't want to be late for the boss in the morning." She smiled faintly as he stood up wandering to the desk putting down the glass.

She looked up as he nodded before moving to the door. "See you tomorrow Connie." He left without another word as Connie released a heavy sigh.

Moving himself from the bed Sam wandered downstairs scrolling through his phone. His thumb hovered over a number before he decided to dial it. "Hello? Hello, is anyone there?" Sam found his mind drifting away ignoring the voice on the phone.

Sam slammed the door shut before leaning his forehead against it. "Well someone's happy." His head shot up as he spun around to see her standing across the room, her arms folded against her chest. "What are you-" "Making sure the welfare of my staff is okay. I can't have a registrar on the breach of breakdown because of his mother."

He shook his head moving to his locker trying to open it, but struggled becoming angry. He slammed his fist into it as Connie stepped over pulling it open with no problem. She stepped in the way of it stopping him from being able to ignore her. "This has nothing to do with her-" "It has everything to do with her."

Rolling his eyes Sam turned away from the locker lifting his hands behind his head. "Fine. She is a rude and intolerable woman who thinks she can say what she likes and walk all over you. That might be something you accept, god I couldn't care less but when it interferes with MY department, then I care."

Connie stood with her hands on her hips as she waited for him to say something. "What? Cat got your tongue? Unlike you to not have anything to say-" "You know what!? You're right, you're right okay? Is that what you wanted to hear!? Help your ego does it? Knowing that the grand old Mrs Beauchamp was right again?"

Sam walked closer to her until he was stood face to face with her. "Well here's a newsflash. The world doesn't revolve around an uptight, selfish, stuck up bitch-" His words were stopped as the sound of her hand coming into contact with his face echoed around the room. He looked at her instantly before stepping forwards, his lips crashing down onto hers.

Connie lifted an arm wrapping around his shoulders as he lifted her from the floor walking back across the room.

Standing before the window he stared out into the garden finally snapping back. "Hello?" He ended the call staring down at the name on the screen. Mum. After a few more moments of staring at it he locked his phone, throwing it to the sofa as he returned upstairs to Connie. Maybe his mother deserved to know of his life now, maybe she didn't but it was a decision he needed to make with his fiancé by his side.