Adopted But Not Saved

Normal

(Ava's POV*) 

I feel somebody softly shaking my leg and my eyes pop open. I look up to see Voight standing there. 

"Mornin'." He smiles.

"Good morning." I whisper tiredly. 

"So i left some cereal on the counter for you, and the shower is running, and there are some clothes on the sink in the bathroom for you. I am going to go wait downstairs until you are done. Do you need anything?"

"No. Thank you."

"You are welcome. When you are done we will go see Carisi. He is feeling good, but the meds are making him think that you hate him." I feel my slight smile wear off and i quickly nod and get up.

I walk to the bathroom and turn on the lights. It is very clean. I shut the door behind me and lock it. I look at myself in the mirror and feel disgusted. 

Look at me. I am ugly, fat, worthless, weak, stupid, helpless, and scared. My life sucks. I should just end it, but i can't. I can't because what would Carisi do? I love him but he would hate me. I can't. 

I slowly undress, staring at all my bruises and cuts. I shake my head and hop in the shower, turning it to the hottest water and letting it burn my skin. I don't even feel the pain. I scrub my skin raw and then get out, and i still don't feel clean.

I put on the clothes he has for me, which shockingly fit. they must had been lindsay's. I pull my wet hair back into a bun, and walk down the stairs. Im not hungry so i pour the cereal in the trash and put the bowl in the sink. Then I slide my shoes on and walk to the porch where voight is standing with Antonio and Jay. 

"Hey!" Antonio says getting Voight's and Jay's attention. They were talking about something they don't want me to hear. I give him a light smile and shut the door behind me. 

"Did you eat?" He asks me. I lie and just nod and he smiles. "Okay so lets get going." 

Antonio and Jay get in one car, and Voight and I in another. It is an awkward ride to the hospital, but when we arrive, i am eager to see Carisi. We get out and walk up to the big building. 

Voight leads me to the front desk where he asks what room 'Dominick Carisi' Is, and he leads me to it. When I walk up to the door, Nick, Amanda, Olivia and Fin are all there to great me with a giant hug and a bunch of questions, but i push through them and run to Carisi who is sitting up in the bed.

I wrap my arms around his large body, and he does the same to me. Everyone stares at us, and decides to leave and give some time. 

"I am so sorry Carisi, this is my fault." I sob on his shoulder.

"Doll, don't say this. It is not your fault. I love you so much."

"I love you too Sonny." 

I hear him wheezing so i decide to pull back a little. I know he is in pain. I watch as he scoots over on the bed, and pats the side of the bed for me to sit with him. 

"Are you okay?" He asks me.

"Yea, why wouldn't i be?" I sigh.

"Ava, you killed your uncle." 

"Are you mad at me?"

"No, because if it was me, i would have done the same. Trust me."

"Ok good, and he was not my uncle Carisi. You are my Uncle, Nick Is my Uncle, Fin is my uncle, Munch is my uncle, jesus christ, Rafael is my Uncle, but that peice of shit, will never be my uncle, and never was either." I say one tear slowly making its way down my cheek.

He quickly wipes it and pulls me into another hug. "I am so proud of you. You are so strong. And I love you so much." 

"I love you too."

"No, i mean it. I. Love. You. And nothing will ever change that."

"I know." I say realizing he is crying too. "I know."