The Light

Chapter 85- The Fortress

Chapter 85- The Fortress

May 1981

James had taken to measuring Harry every day, to standing him up by the door panel of the kitchen and marking off each new millimetre with a pencil. He was always laughing when he did it, as he struggled to hold a wriggling baby in place, but the way Lily watched him, with soft eyes growing empty, and loving smile fading fast on her face, suggested that it was the only snatch of sanity in their house and she knew it.

Hermione visited when she could. She had dedicated her time now to finding the Cup, pinpointing possible locations of where it could've been hidden before Bellatrix's vault. She wished she could see them both more, as it was clear they were going stir-crazy trapped in Godric's Hollow, and whenever Lily questioned where she'd been and what she was doing, the answer always tasted foul on her tongue, so she avoided saying it.

I'm trying to save your lives.

She was sat in the living room now, playing absently with Harry, who had grown quite considerably in the last few months. Hermione's eyes watched the spring sun rise through the window, and she wished its light would be enough to save them all.

"You never visit anymore," said Lily, but it wasn't doleful or accusing. She simply stated it. It was a fact.

"It's-" Hermione paused, grappling for a good enough word, when she just said lamely, "hard."

"I know," said Lily, sitting down next to her, and putting both their teas on the table. "But so is being stuck inside your own house."

Hermione heaved a sigh, instantly feeling the guilt flood through her and she tried to take it back, "Lily-"

"It's not as if I was free before this," Lily said, ignoring her. "The pregnancy meant I was useless and now, I'm even more useless because I'm able to do things. I'm just not allowed."

"It's not useless if it'll keep you alive," said Hermione firmly.

Lily sighed, and the sound was tired and ragged from her lips. She muttered, "Yeah. Yeah, you're right. It's just hard to watch the home you always loved become a fortress."

Hermione didn't know how to reply to that, so she lowered her eyes to Harry and tried to smile at him. It came out wobbly and weak, but he didn't care. He squealed, trying to reach up and take her happiness, however fabricated it was.

She forced herself to say, "Picking Sirius as Secret Keeper was a good choice."

Lily nodded, not really paying attention. It had been at Hermione's urging that they picked Sirius. He would rather die than betray his friends- not that they were going to let it come to that, but the thought was disturbingly comforting.

The breath that tumbled from Lily's lips was broken and tired. She looked behind her, then at Hermione.

"James is struggling," she said quietly, so he wouldn't hear her.

Hermione tried not to let her grimace show too much. She knew he would be; he liked to be in the thick of things. So did Lily, but that was different- she'd been gradually removed as a result of her pregnancy, James was cut off abruptly from the outside world, knowing he could make a difference but being denied the opportunity to do so whilst his friends fought valiantly. It was enough to make anyone miserable, but none more so than James. "I can imagine."

"It's killing him," said Lily. "If Voldemort doesn't, this lockdown certainly will."

Hermione willed herself to look scandalised, to tell Lily not to joke about things like that, but she found she had no energy to do so. Besides, what else could the other woman do? Better to joke about it than worry about it, Hermione supposed.