The Capture

chapter.36 "Finding Madison"

-Justins POV-

 It's been weeks.. weeks of soul hard searching. Everywhere I've looked and nothing... not even one bit of a clue who took her or why.. It is as if she disappeared from the earth altogether. The cops did exactly what I knew they would do, labeled her as dead. but I know for a fact she is out there.. alive, breathing, probably scared and hurt and no one but me and my gang is out there looking for her. Not that I mind since that I the way I get things done, not having to think of what the cops would be doing. but I need more then just my gangs help. I'm a mess... the bags under my eyes have become a everyday thing from my lack of sleep. My hair isn't even looking right do to my not showering. I'm sure I look ill from not eating. I've caved myself in the meet house for days after days trying to think of where she could have been last, dumbass Megan's knowledge level is so low all she can tell me is that she went out jogging. that's all I have to work with and it's eating me up from the inside. Madison Parker where are you... the flashes of her being beaten... and hurt by some other person occur in my mind so often that I can't control my anger time to time even though I never quite could, which brought most of her absence to play. if I could just bite my tongue for once and shut out my words I'm sure she would be right beside me, no. she would be in my arms smiling and laughing. we could be watching movies of some shit like all those dream couples do.. or in my case probably trying to save her life from some shootout from some assholes trying to take my gang out. not quite what I would intend on wanting but with my lifestyle, there is no such thing as easy or simple. shit doesn't get handed to us like how we want, we work for it. we earn it. and right about now I should be getting some standing ovation and applause for working my ass off trying to do the cops job on finding Madison.

I stand up from the wooden chair I had previously been sitting in and pick up my beer off the table and stare at the maps I had hung up all around the room walls with red circles and X's on places she could have been taken and where she wasn't. I sip the cold liquid letting it trickle down my throat filling me with a refreshing buzz. I pick up the red marker off the table and cross off yet another neighborhood she could have been jogging. there wasn't many places left where she could have been, and it was driving me insane. I slam the marker down on the table almost giving a dent. Think Justin.. think. you dumb fucker can't even track a simple take? what happen to the countries biggest criminal... worst threat.. best leader, can handle any issue. could have a man across the world killed within one minute. knows every location in Canada? what happen to the man that was bad and daring. you turned into a pussy. worse then that, you're a boy. a no good useless little boy who can't do shit anymore. you're blocking yourself off from your duties in the gang and sipping beer in a tiny map filled room and not even any closer to success. you're a bigger danger to yourself then you are to your enemies. they could kill you right now and you'd be at a billion gun points fucked with no chance of living. have you really let yourself get to rock bottom? all because of this girl... this frilly dumb girl? she has caused you so much problems maybe her disappearance is a gift from god. maybe he is finally showing you that you're meant to stick to your men and not fall in love. living the gang life isn't meant for love and relationships. it is meant to fight, win, and build a man out of you. you were in this since you were fifteen and you can't let some girl fuck all your years up, grow a pair and be done with it. she's gone. maybe the cops are actually right!

I grip my head with my free hand and clench my eyes closed trying to shake out the voices pounding in my skull. It's been so natural to me yet still troubling.

"DAMNIT JUST LEAVE! YOU'RE WRONG!"

I shout and whip my beer bottle towards the concrete wall letting it blow against it smashing to bits and pieces and the shattered glass meeting the cold floor and beer splash everywhere. I hold my head in both hands and crouch down trying to pass the headache by. Have I really become so fucked up? maybe it isn't even me, maybe it's the cases and cases of beer I have been consuming.