It Feels Right

2VII

Once I get to my hotel room, the first thing I do is get some hot water running. I needed to calm down and relax in a hot bath. My crying gave me such a bad headache. 

This vacation is ruined. God, I hate Addy so much for this and this was all over a stupid boy.

It was around 9 pm Cali time. All I've been doing for three hours is crying, lying in bed watching Netflix, and more crying. I felt like complete shit. I hope she's happy with the outcome, I know I'm not. 

Someone was knocking on my door, I didn't have the energy to get up and grab it, I just wanted to be left alone. There was no way that I could face anyone at this time of day without bursting into more tears. 

Eventually, I received a text from Kens telling me to open the door. I didn't respond to her. There is nothing that I would want to say to her right now. Nothing. She doesn't deserve my forgiveness. She soon gave up and went away. 

Not even ten minutes later, the knocking came back, at this point, I'm just frustrated to the point where I opened the door yelling, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?" not noticing who I was yelling at.

"I wanted to make sure you were okay.." It was Ethan. Oh my god. I just yelled at Ethan.

"I'm sor- sorry, I thought you were Kens. She's been bothering me for the past fifteen minutes, but yeah, I'm fine. Thanks." I started closing the door, but Ethan stopped it with his arm. 

"Can I come in? I would like to talk."

"Um." I look behind me to see if my room is clean enough, "Sure" I opened the door wide enough for him to be able to walk in.

"So um. I want you to know how sorry I am for not saying anything. It's not that I didn't believe you, but I wasn't sure how to portray the whole situation. I don't know what extent I need to go to- to receive your forgiveness." He made his way to my bed to sit down.

"It's fine. I'm still alive. You have nothing to worry about and don't need to receive any forgiveness from me since you didn't know or do anything." Sitting next to him on the bed, he takes my hands.

"Please, tell me what I can do to help you or make you happy again-" he was looking down at our intertwined fingers.  

"That's where you're wrong. I'm never happy." I look at him with sincere eyes.

"Really? Because when you were taking care of your horse you seemed pretty happy."

"You watched me feed Hercules? Stalker much?" I move my hands away from his to grab my phone. "Okay, look. This is an app that gives me a daily reminder every morning about my meds. It tells me when to take them and how I take them; like with water or if I need sugar with it. Depends on the med. I have to take five pills every morning. Two of them are for just my depression, one is for my anxiety and the other two are for allergies. Ethan, when I have to take two different kinds of meds for depression, it's serious. When you have depression, you learn to act happy real fast. We have this invisible wall that holds our so-called masks. Ninety-five percent of the time "I'm happy" is fake. Unless I'm around- never mind. But, yeah anyway."

"Unless you're around who?" his head shot up to make eye contact with me. 

"Nothing. Nothing. Hey, I'm really beat. I need to get some sleep if I'm gonna do things tomorrow."

"It's only 9:45 though" he looks at me confused. 

"And I traveled for the majority of the day, 3 hours were added onto my day, plus the incident earlier. I'm think I'm done for the day." I smiled at him.

"Alright. But just to let you know, you will be telling me what makes you happy. Goodnight beautiful. Sleep well." he kissed my temple. 

"In your dreams lover boy. Night. You too, dude." 

After Ethan left, I didn't feel even a little bit upset, I actually felt okay with the world for once. You could say that I would get a good night's rest.