TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS OF DEPRESSION, SUICIDE, ANXIETY, ETC.
Welcome to my brain on my darkest days and nights. I'm warning you, it's not pretty, so continue at your own risk. This involves questions I find myself asking on a daily basis, rants...
Trigger warning: depressing shit ahead, mentions of suicide.
I hate that you're hurting and there's nothing I can do because I can't change the past. I can't even be there for you in person to comfort you because we're hundreds of miles apart. It's not enough to say I'm here for you anymore, yet I can't give you anything else. My greatest fear is not being able to help the people I care most about, and it seems to be happening constantly lately.
I haven't cried this much in a while. I thought I was getting better. I thought my pain was starting to fade. But then one attempt sets me back to where I was months ago, miserable, sad and alone. Yeah, they'll say "I'm here for you" but they can't be there for you at 2 in the morning when you're trying your best not to make a sound as you cry but you want to scream. They can't be there every time you have the fleeting thought to pull the wheel or swallow the pills that are rightthere. They'll try to be there, but they can't.
So yes, I understand why you attempted suicide. I've been on both sides of this situation, the one dying to die, and the other living to make others live. And you're helpless to do anything no matter where you are because we live in a fucking cruel world where sadness and pain kill people. And there's no way out because you're already broken and once you're broken, you can glue the pieces back together but you'll never be whole.
But even as torturous as this existence is, I'm going to continue living it. You know why? Because suicide doesn't only effect you or your family. It effects your friends, and their friends and family. I'm not going to let others die because of me. So I'm going to stay, as much as it hurts to. And you need to stay too, because no matter what, you're needed. Even if you think the world would be better off without you, or that something better awaits. It wouldn't, and there might not be. Suicide causes a chain reaction and one unneeded death shouldn't have to lead to others. So stay. Fight. For everyone.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
