I remember that feeling. The feeling of being alive.
For me it was riding; The exhilaration of riding on the back of a galloping thoroughbred riding through rows of blueberry bushes. It was the experience of feeling like at any moment you could fall, but not giving a shit because in that moment you had so much adrenaline and joy that nothing else mattered.
I miss that feeling. It's been so long since I've felt alive. Yes, I can feel my heart beating, and yes, I can feel my lungs taking in oxygen, but I feel nothing. Just emptiness. Sometimes I feel sadness, and I welcome it, because even feeling miserable is better than feeling nothing at all. It's been like this for a long time. The only time I can remember feeling anything other than sadness or emptiness was that moment on the back of a beautiful animal, whooping for joy as we whipped down the path. I want that back.
YOU ARE READING
Thoughts and Feelings
No FicciónTRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS OF DEPRESSION, SUICIDE, ANXIETY, ETC. Welcome to my brain on my darkest days and nights. I'm warning you, it's not pretty, so continue at your own risk. This involves questions I find myself asking on a daily basis, rants...
