Tripping Down 12 Steps Into Malibu

We Must Turn Somewhere Else For Help

There was nothing weird about this.

He was simply sharing a bed with his roommate because his was wet with sweat. They were wrapped in two different blankets. Barely touching. The only light coming from under the door in the hallway. It had to be at least 8:00.

There was nothing weird about it.

Now, what was weird was the fact that they'd sat in the bathroom for over an hour. Brendon helped him out of the tub and his clothes. And then into clean clothes and into the bed. But that didn't have to be weird. It was just one roommate helping out another roommate who was having excessive crack withdrawal symptoms. Completely normal.

"You're still shaking." Brendon told him. As if he didn't know what his own body was doing.

"I know."

"But you're not sweating anymore."

"For now." Ryan shrugged.

He'd gone through all of this before. Once. Maybe twice. It never lasted long because he never went long without his fun. No more than a day or two. That was only when he'd run out of money on the streets. Then he'd have to sober up to go to the bank and empty more dough out. Because it wasn't like him to refuse himself drugs for long periods of time.

This time was going to be different though. He wasn't going to be able to put on a nice blazer and go to the bank. He wasn't going to be able to run the streets for the cheapest priced goods. He wasn't going to be able to get his high period. This time was the real deal. He was going to have to get used to not have his drugs.

It was a scary thought. He couldn't remember a time where he wasn't getting high almost daily. Now he'd have to learn how to cope with all of those damn withdrawal symptoms. He was going to feel like shit for a long time. How did any one else in this hell hole manage on a day to day basis?

His mind jumped back to Jesse's speech from their first day here. Being the asshole he was, he kept interrupting him with questions. Just to entertain himself. When the topic of roommates came up, he took it as his golden opportunity to state his unhappiness with the thought of sharing a room with a stranger. Jesse was quick to respond with,

"I hear and understand your opinions, Mr. Ross. But roommates are required. Not only because it's more efficient for the facility. Allowing us to house more people in need. But it's also more efficient for you as well. No one wants to go through this process alone. And while my staff and I are always here to help, someone going through what you're going through will be able to help a little more."

At the time, Ryan scoffed at the idea that one drug addict could help another one stay clean. The thought itself was ludicrous. But now he understood. At least a little bit. Brendon has most likely gone through this before. He knew what to do and he actually helped.

Wasn't that a step on the list? Turning somewhere else for help? Well, he'd done it. It wasn't done voluntarily, but it was done none the less. Could he check that one off now? Get closer to the end of all this.

"If you get any worse off, I'll inform Jesse. But for now, you seem to be doing okay."

It was true. He felt way better than before. Brendon didn't have to help him. He could have ignored Ryan. The same way Ryan has ignored him since they met. But he didn't. He was grateful the man was nice enough to help him. He should thank him.

"I- that was cool of you to do." That was as close to a thank you as he was going to get. Ryan didn't do thanks.

"What was that?"

"I said it was cool. How you helped me." He shrugged. "I don't know why you would. I've been nothing but rude to you since we showed up. And to be honest, it's probably going to continue because I don't like you much. But it was cool of you."

Brendon was silent for a few moments. Thinking about what Ryan just said. Trying to understand. "Why don't you like me?"

"You're just the type of guy I'd want to punch in the face. Happy. Friendly. Too positive. I mean, look how quickly you've adapted to being in this hell hole. It makes me sick that someone could be so care free."

There was another silence. Ryan hoped he hadn't offended the kid. He didn't want to go back to his own bed and lay in his own sweat.

"I'm not as carefree as you think, you know." He shifted in the bed. Turning away from Ryan. "In case you haven't noticed, I'm in here too." Those were Brendon's last words to him before his snoring filled the room.