Tripping Down 12 Steps Into Malibu

Step 10

The first thing Brendon noticed when he walked into the cafeteria for visitor's day was that Ryan's father was sitting in a different place. It'd been a while since he had a reason to come in during this hour. Still he distinctly remembered the older man always being in the center of the room. Or at least close to it. And even if he was getting the exact location wrong, Brendon knew he never sat that far away. To the point where he was sitting at one of the tables pushed against the wall. He shook his head and pried his attention away from the man he'd never met before he noticed.

The second thing Brendon realized was that Dallon wasn't sitting in their usual space either. He let his eyes roam around the room. Trying not to frown when he saw his.. whatever Dallon was right now... on the opposite side of the room. Just as far away from the center as Ryan's father was. Sitting at wall table the same way. He tried not to be annoyed by it. What did it matter that he and Ryan would be sitting as far away as possible?

It was for the best. Everything that happened between them, or wasn't happening between them was for the best. He couldn't complain. Well, technically he could but he had no right to. At least the man wasn't ignoring him anymore. He wasn't exactly speaking to him either but at least they were acknowledging each other again. Brendon was afaid that things would get worse after the night he found Ryan in the bathroom.

He thought they would get worse but he hoped it would get better. He knew how fucked up that mindset was. He knew he was playing with fire after getting Dallon back on his side. He should be grateful the first man he ever loved, loved him back enough to forgive him for leaving him. He shouldn't to begging after the man who left him. It was stupid. Brendon knew it was stupid. But he couldn't control the way he felt.

How ever he could control the way he acted. And today he was going to act the way Dallon deserved him to. Starting with not standing in the entrance of the cafeteria. Wasting the time they could be spending together.

To his surprise, Dallon greeted with a kiss on the lips. Quick and soft. Leaving a familiar longing behind. That was a good thing. He sat down and listened to Dallon say the usual sweet stuff. He responded in kind with his own cavity causing gushiness. It was a pattern he'd gotten used to when he first came in. One he almost forgot. If he tried hard enough, he could pretend anything that happened between then and now never happened. He could pretend that everything was okay with him and Dallon. The breakup never existed. And his fling with Ryan never existed.

But maybe he wasn't trying hard enough because he couldn't stop sneaking glances across the cafeteria. Where Ryan seemed to be having an intense conversation with the older man across from him. Brendon saw Ryan's father's eyes flicker in his direction and he looked away. Focusing his attention on Dallon again. Like he should have been doing in the first place.

If his boyfriend noticed his distraction, he didn't let on. He continued talking. Raving about his business trip he never got to talk about before. He made stupid jokes and laughed at himself. Brendon laughed when he did without really knowing what he was laughing at. He looked in Ryan's direction again. He was standing up now. He looked rigid. Brendon looked away again just as he saw the taller man stalking out of the room. It wasn't unusual for Ryan to run off. It's what he was good at. What was unusual was his father following him. Brendon resisted the urge to spin completely in his seat to follow them with his eyes.

He looked at Dallon who was looking at his own hands move in front of him as he used them for emphasis for his story. "... but how was I supposed to know it meant thank you?" He chucked.

Brendon smiled. Dallon still had a beautiful laugh. "That's insane."

"Isn't it?" His eyes lit up. "Gosh I'm so glad we're back, Brendon." He reached across the table to take his hand.

"You and me both." Brendon laced their fingers.

"I need to ask you something." His eyes bored into Brendon's. All signs of laughter gone.

He swallowed. "Okay."

"Do you- you do still love me, right?"

"Yes, I love you. That doesn't just go away."

"And we're starting over. Like none of the bad stuff ever happened, right?"

"Yes?"

"So we're still going to be engaged when you get out of here?"

This time, for the life of him, he could not make his throat swallow. "Yeah."

"Good." Dallon let his hands slip out of his. Letting his disappear under the table for a split second before coming up with a small box. "Good."

"What's happening right now?"

"I'm asking you to marry me." He flipped the lid with his finger. "I know you already did that but I want you to know I still want it. I always wanted it."

"Okay." He almost glared at the ring.

"So what do you say?"

Dallon still wanted to marry him. By some miracle the man he'd wronged so badly wanted nothing more than to make things right between them. And Brendon found that he wanted it too. Ryan made it clear too many times that he didn't want Brendon the way Brendon wanted him. But Dallon did. Dallon wanted him even more. This was it. Time to give Dallon all or nothing. Time to let go of Ryan. 

Step Ten: We must take our leap of faith.

"I say yes. A million times."

******

Ryan didn't come back into the room until later that afternoon. Brendon didn't ask where he'd been. It was none of his business. And he didn't really need to know anyway. He barely spared the other man a glance at his arrival. Instead choosing to focus on the task at hand. Packing his things into the open suitcase on the bed.

Ryan peeked over at him twice. Curiosity burning in his eyes but no question making it to his lips. Brendon answered anyway.

"I'm moving to another room." He folded the shorts in his hand and placed it on top. "I know there's not much time left, but I needed to do this."

Ryan merely shrugged. "I didn't ask."

"Are you mad at me?" He felt stupid just saying it out loud.

Ryan snorted. "No."

He could easily leave it at that. "We're friends right?"

"Of course."

Brendon relaxed a little. This was the most they'd talked to each other in weeks. It might be the last time. He wanted to keep it going for a little while longer. "We're almost done, you know."

"Yeah, I know."

"Have you taken a leap of faith yet?"

Ryan bit his lip. "Yeah."

"Me too." He brushed his hair from his forehead. 

Ryan's eyes followed the action. "Good."

"I'm really proud of you, Ryan."

"Ditto."

"I knew you could do it."

"Congrats on your engagement."

The rest of the planned words died on Brendon's lips.

A/N: DOUBLE UPDATE? double update! I hate myself because I keep leaving you guys with these unresolved cliffhangers. But rest assured, there will be a happyish ending.