Tripping Down 12 Steps Into Malibu

We Are Ready To Accept The Help

Meditation was Brendon's favorite activity in the rehabilitation center.

A lot of people said it was bullshit but it always helped clear his mind. Even if it was only for an hour or so. He didn't have to think about anything except the soothing music being played and the peaceful atmosphere around him.

It was even better today because he'd convinced his friends to come with him. Patrick seemed to have enjoyed himself. Pete looked annoyed with the whole class. He was still frowning as they were rolling up their mats and saying goodbye to the instructor of the day.

"I just don't get it." He was complaining to Patrick when Brendon walked up. "How am I supposed to concentrate on nothing when he's playing that annoying piano music?"

"You don't have to concentrate on nothing." Brendon laughed. "Just try to concentrate on something peaceful."

"Coke is peaceful." He joked. Patrick glared at him. "I'm kidding."

"Well, don't." Patrick hit him on the back of the head. Turning his attention to their friend. "How do you feel?"

"I feel great." Brendon sighed. "I love meditation day."

"And how are things with Ryan?"

"Good."

"Really?" Pete lifted a disbelieving eyebrow. "Because shit looks bad."

Patrick elbowed him. "What he means is that we haven't seen you two hanging out as much."

"We just haven't been eating lunch together. Everything else is back to being good." He lied. Why was he lying to his friends? That wouldn't help. Maybe if he told them what was going on, they could give him advice. They were like the perfect couple. Well, if you ignored the fact that they were in rehab. "We still hang out all day in the room. We're in the middle of reading a book together right now."

"That's so cute." Patrick tilted his head, a dreamy look in his eyes. "Why don't we read together?"

"Because it's boring and we spend our free time having sex?" Pete offered. Patrick laughed. Brendon blushed. "Speaking of which..."

His eyes widened at the implied question. The blush darkened on his cheeks. "I am not answering that."

"Hey! Come on!"

"Good." Patrick nodded. "You don't have to." He slapped his boyfriend's arm. "Pete shouldn't have asked something so personal."

"Blink once for yes and twice for no."

"I'm leaving." Brendon began backing out of the room. "You two have fun... not reading."

"Brendon, don't leave me hanging here, man!" He heard Pete call after him.

He couldn't help but laugh to himself. Pete was never one to filter his words. It shouldn't have surprised him to get the question. It would make sense that they'd slept together by now after everything else he told him. Well, it would make sense if they were still doing as well as he'd lied and said they were.

But they weren't. Ryan still wasn't speaking to him. He could, in some sense, understand the other man's reasons for being upset. He would be upset if he saw Ryan interacting with another man. But the flip in attitude was what confused him. The first time Dallon visited, Ryan encouraged him to see the other man. Practically threw him from their room. But maybe it was different when he was seeing it. It was different after he told him how he felt about him.

Ryan was sitting on the edge of his bed, notebook on his lap, pen in his hand. Brendon wished he could have just watched him like that for a while. He was peaceful when he was writing. Sometimes there was the furrow of his eyebrows. At least there weren't any frowns or glares. Of course, Ryan noticed him as soon as he entered the room. The book was closed and sat on his nightstand.

"H-Hey." He waved with a limp wrist.

"I can't talk." Ryan was suddenly standing.

He can't talk to him is what he meant to say. "Why?"

"I'm on my way to pottery."

"You hate pottery." Brendon moved to stand in Ryan's way when he attempted to walk around him. "You said it was stupid and childish."

"It soothes me."

Whenever Brendon isn't around.

Maybe that's what was wrong with Ryan. He and Brendon barely spent any time together in these last couple of days. How could Brendon help his ignore his urges when he wouldn't let him?

"I thought I soothed you."

"What? I never said that."

Shit. Right. Ryan didn't know that Brendon knew. Smooth, Urie. Fucking smooth. Now Ryan was staring at him too intently. Curious. Suspicious. Finding out Brendon invaded his privacy wasn't going to help their situation. So he changed the subject.

"Why are you being like this?" He touched his arm and Ryan pulled away.

"Because I finally realized that this is rehab. Not some summer camp. I didn't come here for good times and friendship. I came here to get better. And I can't do that with," A quick once over, "distractions in my way."

Ryan walked past him. This time Brendon let him. Before his roommate could leave the room, Brendon made himself ask what he couldn't stop thinking about.

"But what about M&Ms?"

His cold answer was automatic. "Give them to Dallon."