Tripping Down 12 Steps Into Malibu

Step Four

We turn to our fellow men and women, particularly those who have struggled with the same problem.

It was the tenth time his eyes scanned that particular step since he'd snatched the paper up from the floor. Brendon held the pamphlet in his hands. Glancing over it every few minutes to steal a glimpse of Ryan. Who was reading the book he'd checked out from the library.

He looked great. In a pair of black jeans and a denim button up. Brendon hadn't noticed how attractive Ryan was when he first saw him. Of course at first glance, he knew he was good looking. But it's different when you see someone every single day. The man was perfect. His bone structure, his eyes, his nose, his lips, his hair.

"Take a picture." He muttered. Never looking up from his book. "It'll last longer."

He wished he had a camera. But he didn't. So instead he blushed and looked away.

"Sorry. I'm just really bored."

"And staring at me is entertaining?"

He had no idea. "What are you reading?"

Ryan looked away from the words on the page of the book. He turned it to the side as if he needed to look at the cover to remember the name.

"The Insanity Of Love."

"So it's a romance?"

"Yeah. Well kind of." He sighed. Almost in embarrassment. "I don't usually read these, but it looked interesting."

Brendon frowned at the plain, brown cover with the simple yellow text.

"Really?"

Ryan laughed. "The lack of visual allure is what made it look interesting. Usually romance novels have extremely enticing covers. Kissing couples. Wide chested men. Half naked women. Bright, eye catching colors. But this was so plain and so simple that I had to read it."

Now Brendon was hooked and he hadn't even read any of it. "What's it about?" He slid off of his bed. Carrying himself to Ryan's without waiting for an invite. Ryan raised his eyebrows but didn't argue as Brendon made himself comfortable beside him.

"It's about a very young couple. With very serious problems."

"Drug problems?" He had to ask.

"No. Other problems. Anger. Sadness. Infidelity. Family issues. Dark secrets. I'm only half way through and this is already the most depressing book I've ever read. They love each other. So much that even I can feel it. But they hate each other. One moment they're a step away from planning the other's murder. The next moment they're in each other's arms and never wanting to let go. It's giving me a headache but I can't seem to put it down."

"It sounds amazing." Brendon's imagination began to run wild. Picturing what each character looked like. Stirring up fights for them in his mind. "Do you think they're going to be together in the end?"

"I really don't know. There's nothing cliche about this book. It's so bipolar in the writing nature that I can't even guess what's going to happen on the next line."

"Do you want them to end up together?"

"I-I don't know. Sometimes I do. They're perfect compliments of each other. But there's nothing heathy about it." He closed the book. Sitting it on his lap. "God I want to smoke."

Brendon blinked in shock at the random confession. "You do?"

"Hell yeah. I didn't actually come here to get clean, you know."

"Then why are you here?"

"Because it was either this or jail."

"That bad?"

"Worse." He shrugged. "But now that my stash is gone, I don't have a choice. It's just not easy. When you're so used to something, being without it is literal hell."

"I know." Brendon reminded him. "I'm not here because I eat too much cotton candy."

Ryan laughed. "That you are not. But you seem to be handling things way better than me." He leaned in closer to him. Their faces just a few inches apart. "What's your secret?"

"It was Dallon." He admitted. "I was doing it for him."

"Was?"

"Was."

"And now?"

"Now I'm just doing it for me." He lifted the book from Ryan's lap. "And you."

"Me?" Ryan pulled back.

"Yeah. A friend of mine told me that when you stay in a place like this, your roommate becomes your second self. And when I saw you going through those withdrawal symptoms I knew I needed to be twice as strong for us both. If I stay clean and happy, it'll be easier for you to do the same."

"Shit. That's- that's really um-"

"Nice? Kind?" Brendon lifted his chin.

"Unnecessary." He bit out.

"What?"

"I'm a grown man. I don't need some guy I just met to be strong for me. I had a bad day and now you think I'm too weak to do this on my own?"

"Ryan, no. I was just-"

"You were just assuming you were stronger than me."

"Dude-"

"Thanks but no thanks." He stood up from the bed. Snatching his book from Brendon's hands. "How about you keep your motivation for your husband?"

"Fiancé."

"Whatever." He slipped his shoes on. Heading to the door. "I don't care. Just leave me out of it."