Tripping Down 12 Steps Into Malibu

Confessions

"I think I may like Ryan." Brendon whispered the words to Pete as they sat on the sun warmed grass. When he didn't respond right away, Brendon began to backtrack. "Not as much as I like Dallon. I love Dallon. I don't love Ryan. I just, he's not as mean as he wants people to think he is. I-"

"Brendon!" Pete grabbed his hands that had began moving frantically in front of him. "Brendon, its okay." He laughed. "So you like Ryan a little bit. No big deal."

"No. It is a big deal. Because I'm engaged to Dallon. Even though we aren't on good terms right now-"

"Why aren't you on good terms?"

"Would you believe that asshole is going to China?"

Pete's eyes widened. "He's moving to China? While you're in rehab?"

"He's not moving." He defended quickly. "He has a business trip. Some sort of promotion thing."

"Well that's great news." Pete laid back on the ground. "This place isn't cheap, you know."

"Yeah, I know that." Brendon laid down beside him. "I just- he won't be able to visit me for weeks. It feels like betrayal."

"I suppose I can see your point of view."

"He's just leaving me alone in this place for weeks."

"You're not alone. You have me and Patrick. And the rest of the guys."

"I guess." He let his fingers twist into the grass. "But it's just not the same."

"You have Ryan." The words were hesitant. Brendon turned his head to look at him. But Pete was staring up at the sky.

"Ryan's not the same either."

Brendon's voice was harder than he meant it to be. Pete just needed to understand that he didn't like Ryan the way he loved Dallon. They weren't the same. Not even close. Just because he liked him a little doesn't mean it meant anything. They guy was nice to him and it made him look at him a little differently.

"Alright." Pete always knew when to shut up about a subject and when to add his advice. It's what Brendon liked most about him.

"But the dream just keeps messing with me."

"Dream?"

"About Ryan."

Pete's head snapped in Brendon's direction so fast, it was comical. He sat up. Looking around to make sure no one was in hearing distance. "Tell me about it."

"It wasn't serious." He sat up too. "I dreamed I was preparing for my wedding day. You were there. As my best man of course."

"Of course." Pete lifted his chin smugly. Pretending to fix a bow tie.

"But the thing is, Dallon wasn't there yet. Everyone kept telling me we were waiting for him to get off his plane from China. But it was running late. I was panicking. And then the here comes the brides cords began playing. And you all ran to your spots outside. But Dallon wasn't there. And I wasn't ready.

So here I was crying in the middle of the room. While all my friends and family were standing outside waiting for me and my missing husband. Then you came back into the room. Practically dragging me down the isle."

"That sounds like a nightmare." Pete frowned.

"It was." He nodded. "At first."

"What changed?"

"I noticed Dallon waiting at the alter for me and I calmed down. I was happy again. But when I got to the front he turned around and it wasn't Dallon. It was Ryan. But- But I didn't care. The happiness didn't go away. In fact, I was happy about it. And his vows were from the song he wrote."

"He wrote you a song?" Pete was having a hard time keeping up with it all.

"Not for me. For him."

"For who?"

"It's not important. Let me finish!"

"Okay. Okay."

"He said his vows. And I didn't have any prepared for him. But he said it was okay because he loved me. And the way he said it, he meant it. He said it the way Dallon does. And then we kissed and danced and ate wedding cake. It was perfect!" He stared into the distance.

"And it wasn't real."

"I know that." His gaze snapped back to Pete's. "It was a dream."

"But now you like him because of the dream."

"Not just the dream. The song too."

"For crying out loud! What was this song?"

"I was crying about Dallon. So Ryan came over to me with his guitar to play a song and cheer me up."

"The guy plays guitar? I didn't peg him as the guitar type."

"Well he is. But the songs he played reminded me of Dallon more."

"And you don't want to remember Dallon?"

"I didn't at the time. Because of the whole China thing." He explained. "So Ryan brings over this notebook full of songs he wrote and the last one was from the night before. It was called Stall Me-"

"That Panic At The Disco song?"

"What?"

"What?!"

"You just said-"

"I asked if he sung you the song."

"Oh. No. I just read some of the lyrics. But he took it before I could finish. He did sing a few other good ones. But that one stuck with me. Especially since it said it was for him."

"For who?"

"Him."

"Who's him?"

"None of your business."

Pete's eyes narrowed. "Dude, I was just asking."

Brendon laughed. "That's what Ryan told me."

Pete laughed too. "Do you think Ryan likes you back?"

"Sometimes."