Tripping Down 12 Steps Into Malibu

Goodbye With A Bang

Brendon couldn't breathe. There was something lodged in his throat blocking his airway. It was probably his heart. It felt as if Ryan had snatched the artery up from his neck and left it there to bleed out. He choked at the thought.

His eyes darted to the open room door where Ryan had rushed from minutes ago. Minutes where Brendon found himself unable to do anything but stare after him in disbelief. It didn't make sense. None of it made sense. They were in such a good place before heading to their daily activity. What went wrong? What did he do? How could he make it better?

The desperate thought made Brendon choke around the heart in his throat that was stopping him from breathing. He yanked at the collar of his shirt weakly. This was too much. It was all too much. He needed to leave. He couldn't be in this room. Not without Ryan. Not without them.

All rational thoughts fled from his mind as he dashed down the hallway. No actual destination in his mind. A part of him felt like he was running after Ryan. He should have run after him when he had the chance. But he'd wasted too much time standing around and doing nothing.

No. Fuck that. This wasn't his fault. This was all Ryan's doing. It was always Ryan's doing. Everytime things were going great for them, he found a way to ruin it. Like he was afraid of thier relationship working out. And maybe he was. Maybe he never wanted this to begin with. He'd strung Brendon along like a fucking stray dog. Only to leave him on the curve in front of his house.

Brendon froze. His feet suddenly refusing to blindly chase a man who didn't want him.

"Brendon." Instinctively, he turned at the sound of his name. He was met with the kind eyes of Jesse. The man stood in the doorway of his office. Watching Brendon cautiously like he expected him to blow up any minute. "Are you okay?"

He nodded his head before thinking better of it. Jesse was a counselor. He was here to help him. He didn't need to lie to him. He shouldn't lie to him. So he began shaking his head. Faster and harder than he intended. If Jesse looked worried before, now he appeared to be terrified.

"Brendon, come in." He held his door wide open. Motioning with his other hand for him to enter. "What's going on?"

"Ryans gone." He spit out.

Jesse paused as he was closing the door. His back facing Brendon made it impossible to see his reaction. "What do you mean Ryan is gone?"

"He left." Brendon was pacing now. "Ryan packed his bags and left me- the facility."

"I can't disclose any of Mr. Ross's personal information about his admission to our facility. I will however assure you that he doesn't have the authorization to check himself out." He spun to face him. His schooled expression giving nothing away. "So you don't need to worry about that."

"I know about his fucking court order. He doesn't care. He said he'd rather be in jail anyway."

"Mr. Urie, can I offer you a seat?" The counselor pointed to the empty chair across from his desk.

"No. Jesse, you don't understand. I need Ryan to complete this program."

"Mr. Urie-"

"I can't do this on my own."

"Brendon-"

"I need someone!"

"I understand that you've-"

"I need to call Dallon." He clasp his hands together. "Please. You have to let me call Dallon. I need to talk to him. And tell him he was right."

"You know personal phone calls need to be made on visitor days."