Reawakening » Stiles Stilinski [book 4]

22. Breathe

Stiles sat there on his front porch, head in his hands as he heard someone approaching him. Stiles slowly looked up to see Scott taking a seat next to him, giving him a saddened look. Stiles sighed, looking up at Scott asking, "You heard.." 

Scott nodded his head, answering, "Yeah..Derek called. He wanted me to check on you and see how you were doing.." 

Stiles stayed quiet, messing with his hands and thinking about everything that's happened. He listened to words that Savannah cried at him, they were on a loop in his head. But she was right, she was right about everything she said. This was Stiles fault, he did this. He was warned there would be a price to pay and this is it, Savannah was paying that price. 

"You know..I used to play this game in my head after everything that happened..I-I would sit at Savannah's grave, and I would play..Wh-what would I give up for just one more moment with her? My house? Us? The Pack? My future? My soul?" Stiles voice broke as he refused to look at Scott but he felt Scott place a hand on his shoulder to comfort him. "I'd give anything to get her back, that's what I always answered...and now I finally got that moment I've begged for since I lost her.." 

"and..?" Scott asked carefully. 

"and..-I wish I hadn't. Seeing her like that, seeing what she's become..Maybe I should have just left it alone..-" Stiles let out a sharp breath, tears in his eyes as he shook his head. "..-oh, god..Scott, what did I do?" Stiles cried, burying his face in his hands as Scott pulled him in for a tight hug. Scott tried comforting Stiles but Stiles just cried in his best friend's arms. "What did I do..I-I did this.." Stiles cried, taking a few minutes to try to compose himself, not likely. Then something sunk in for Stiles, he wasn't proud to think it or admit it out loud but he needed to say it.. just once. 

Stiles shook his head, tears in his eyes as his voice was horse. "Maybe Derek was right..." Stiles said, making Scott look at him confused before asking what Derek said. "..-maybe she should have just stayed dead.." Stiles voice broke as he finally let it sink in that  he should have listened to Derek's words and left well enough alone. 

"You didn't, you didn't know.." Scott said. 

Stiles shook his head, still crying. "I did..I-I knew there was a price and I..-I should be the one paying it, not her..She's been through enough." Stiles cried, shaking his head as he just sat there on the porch with Scott. 

"You thought you were doing what was bes..-" Scott started trying to comfort Stiles until Stiles cut him off quickly. 

"..-not for her though..I was s-I was so hurt and only thinking about what I needed..I should have thought about what she needed. Sh-she's been through so much already, I..I should have just left it alone. I-I caused this..Scott, this is my fault..It's all my fault." Stiles voice cracked once again, his tears streaming down his face as he started completely breaking down. 

Immediately, Scott pulled Stiles into a tight hug and tried helping his best friend the best he could. Scott felt horrible, he felt the pain for Stiles. He wished he could take away Stiles pain but the pain he's feeling right now..that he's felt since Savannah died was not a type of pain he could take.. As Scott sat there comforting his best friend, he could only pray that Savannah could see his way of things, that she'd find some way in her heart to understand why Stiles did what he did.. Stiles hoped that if she forgave him before, if she still managed to love him when he hurt her before maybe she could again..