My Heart Is Not Homophobic [boyxboy]

My Heart Is Not Homophobic {28}

                                                                                ***JJ’s POV***

                I knocked on the door and Owen answered. He looked at me with tired eyes. I could smell smoke on him. “Can I come in?” I asked and he nodded and stepped aside so that I could enter. Pat hadn’t been in school today, and Gabe had hid out in the bathroom, refusing to talk to anyone.

                Unless I worked things out with Pat, I was going to ditch Milo. I could feel it. I was terrified right now. I wanted to isolate myself from Milo, and I knew it. But I was scared to, too.

                Owen began to lead me towards his bedroom. They had probably locked Pat in the closet, as if he were a little kid again.

                “He’s crazy. Fucking mental. That’s my boy; the mentally insane one,” he said with a slightly hysterical laugh. “My wife’s threatening to leave me because I told the doctor he tried to choke his brother and because I’m keeping him locked in my fucking closet. Said she’d take the boys and leave. Bye-bye!”

                I felt terrible for Owen. He really wasn’t a bad guy. And it’s not like it was his fault Pat was out of his fucking mind.

                We reached the closet and he bit his lip. “Scream if you need me, I guess,” he said and laughed that hysterical laugh again. He unlocked the door and I went in.

                Pat looked up at me. He was sitting on the floor, staring blankly at the ceiling. “What was up with you yesterday, Patrick? And don’t tell me you were tired,” I said as Owen shut the door, leaving it open a crack.

                Pat smirked at me. “I wasn’t tired. I was making sure you only loved me.” I sighed, feeling tired all of a sudden. “Pat, I love you, but not like I love Milo. I love you guys in different ways.”

                “No!” he cried furiously. “You can’t love him, Jason! He doesn’t even fucking know you! I do! I know you!”

                The look in his eyes was that terrifying one, but there was something else there. Whatever the hell was left of Pat’s sanity, the Pat I had grown up with, was there, being buried by that crazy look. The Pat I had grown up with was terrified and desperate. But the Pat I was talking to was quickly crushing that Pat, and I realized nothing any of us did would stop that. Pat was really going crazy, and they would send him away sooner or later. He was already a danger.

                I couldn’t believe it. Yea, Pat had always been a little manipulative and violent. But never crazy. And here he stood, prepared to break Milo’s arms and choke his own brother to death for trying to stop him. Ready to beat the shit out of me. It wouldn’t be long before they sent him away to some mental institution.

                And if Pat could go crazy and get sent away, why couldn’t Milo? Hell, anyone could. I felt terror rising in me. Anyone could go crazy and try to hurt me. Anyone could go crazy and get sent away when I was so close to them. Sure.

                Isolation. It was how I kept myself safe. Pat would be the first to go, then Felix, because Felix was starting to go crazy, too. Calmly crazy. He didn’t slip into his rants anymore. He just stayed quiet and stared blankly, or followed Pat around like a helplessly loyal dog.

                Then who? Gabe? Milo? No. Not Gabe. Gabe was sane. I was positive of that. But Milo…what if he did what Pat did? Started a very slow decent into madness, and plunged full on into it.

                I suddenly thought of the Princess Bride. Pat was Dread Pirate Roberts, climbing up the cliffs of insanity after the rope had been cut. Too stubborn to take a helping hand because he was untrusting, thus falling from the cliffs of insanity. The Pat I had grown up with was Westley, leaving and never returning because Dread Pirate Roberts had taken him.

                Me? Who was I? Who was Milo?  Felix…Felix was Fezzik. Bright, but rarely showing it. Just following orders.

                Was that all we were anymore? Just a movie? Or was I going just as crazy as Pat? Was he rubbing off on me just like he was rubbing off on Felix?

                “Pat, please,” I found myself saying, my voice monotone. “Leave me and Milo alone. We’re happy together. If you loved me, you’d want me to be happy.”

                He suddenly smirked again. The Pat I had grown up with seemed to fade from his terrifying eyes a little more. “Jason, fuck that. I smiled at the doctor. I lied to the doctor. I played innocent little Patrick Cash for the doctor. There’s nothing wrong with me. There’s something wrong with you, though. And Milo’s causing it. I’ll get him for you, Jason. I promise I’ll get him for you.”

                Creeped out beyond belief, I left the closet, slamming the door and locking it, never wanting to look at that…that…that thing. That thing was not Patrick.

                I walked downstairs where Owen was sitting. “He’s threatening Milo, Uncle Owen,” I whispered and he stood up and placed a hand on my shoulder. “Gabe never came to the doctor’s, so I couldn’t prove that Pat choked him. I don’t know if it was his decision, or his mom’s. There was this kid when we were teens…Andre. He was mentally fucked. But his eyes weren’t crazy. He got better. He came out of it. He’s a speaker now, against teen suicide and bullying and whatnot. Has two kids and a boyfriend. He’s real happy. But Pat…Pat’s not coming out of it.” His voice was choked, and his eyes were starting to water. “My little boy’s not coming out of it.”

                I bit my lip and Owen removed his hand. “Go home, JJ. I’m not sending him to school tomorrow, so you’ll be safe. I’m staying home with him.” I nodded and left his house, making my way to Milo’s.

                Milo let me in and we went up to his room and cuddled on his bed. “Milo, you know I have poor people skills,” I said nervously and he nodded. “Yea, I know,” he said curiously. “Why?”

                “If I…hurt you, I’m sorry. I’m just fighting everything right now. Isolation is my automatic response, and I’m trying not to. I love you Milo,” I whispered and he kissed me deeply, holding my hand and resting his head on my chest. “I love you too, JJ. I won’t let you isolate yourself,” he said quietly. And suddenly, I just wanted to be by myself.