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i walked until i reached the city. ahh, cleveland. what a perfect place. not. is perfect in my book, but in other peoples, it's apparently "one of the worst places to live."

but there plenty of great stuff here! the houses are a good price, a christmas story was filmed here, people who live here have a reduced chance of getting skin cancer, the rock and roll hall of fame museum, and we have the best tailgating you'll ever see.

also, my family is here. so as far as i'm concerned, that makes it perfect.

i looked around me and saw huge buildings, taxis, building, building, cars, people, lots of people, it felt like it was all closing in on me. i felt like i couldn't breathe in everyone else's breath.

i pushed past people in an attempt to get anywhere other than somewhere busy, but to no avail. i was trapped. lost in a city i hadn't been to in over five years.

i turned on my heel and started pushing back through people, desperately trying to get back home. my hands were almost purple from the cold, and i suspected they'd fall off in the next 2 days of survival. i should start a journal. lost in the city by ashlynn connor, new york times best seller. i can see it now.

suddenly, i found myself wandering random back streets alone. i kind of recognized the area. don't i go this way to get to josh's house?

a small ring came from my pocket, as if on cue

 it was josh.

"h-h-hello?" i answered, the shiver of the cold affecting my speech.

"ashlynn?" he asked. wait, how'd he get my number?

"oh h-h-hey j-josh." i stuttered out, trying to clench my jaw, so it didn't clash together every second.

"you sound like you're stuck in a freezer. are you alright?" his voice was concerned. it was kind of adorable.

"y-y-yeah.. i'm f-fine. a-anyway, did you c-call for any r-reason?" i questioned, trying not to come off rude.

"oh, yeah, i called you to let you know that where we've had your lessons isn't actually my house, it's my mom's, and she doesn't want us making a bunch of noise at her place so would it be okay if we just had lessons at my place instead?"

"oh, a-alright. w-w-where is your house?" i stuttered out once again, mentally kicking myself.

"196 lincoln way." i could hear his smile through the phone. it was somehow cellularly contagious.

"alright, s-see you tomorrow."

"are you sure you're alright?" his concerned voice returned once again.

"yes josh, i'm 100% o-okay." aside from the fact that i was hopelessly lost in a huge city in 40-degree weather and a short sleeve shirt.

"okay. see you tomorrow!" he then hung up. i sighed and dug my hands into my pockets.

then, as if it was a miracle, i felt some paper in my pocket. money! surely i could call and uber. $20 will be enough to get me home, right?

i opened the uber app and called one immediately, describing where i was. he said he knew the place and he'd be here in 15 minutes. thank god.

man, was my mom gonna be mad. i just walk away from her and disappear for 3 hours. to be fair, she never tried to contact me. great to know she cares.

a black chevy impala pulled up in front of me, and my phone dinged a few second later. my uber, finally.

"isn't it a little cold for a short sleeve shirt?" the driver asked as he pulled off the curb.

"yup." i replied almost lifelessly.

neither of us spoke for the rest of the trip.


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i threw on some outfit i had previously picked out and put my hair in a ponytail, slapping on some makeup. ever since my mother told me that they couldn't find my father, i just could be the same. they always found him. always.

"honey?" i hear my mother call before i left the house.

"yeah?" i called back.

"could you come here for a second?"

i walked to her voice, which led me to the kitchen.

"so... i want to talk to you for a minute. honey, you're growing up, and i think the next step of your adult life is coming..." she paused. silence filled the atmosphere.

"i think you should move out." she said finally.

"okay. i'll be out by wednesday," i said meekly and turned around, going back towards the door. i could find an apartment in 3 days, right? sure i could. it was "the next step in my adult life."

"wait- what?" she called.

"i said i'll be out by wednesday. bye." i called back and shut the front door. usually, i would have been more stubborn about this. but that's not me anymore. i don't know me anymore.

who is ashlynn connor?


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a/n: sorry this chapter is super late, and it's a shitty filler, i've got a severe case of writer's block, and i've been sick for the past month. no doctor can identify what i have, so that's great.

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