But We've Lost A Lot ↭ Bellamy Blake [Book 2]

nineteen

Bellamy and I managed to make it back to the Arc in a short amount of time. I could see a crowd forming along the front doors of the gigantic, silver piece of metal junk. Some moments I could hear silence, and other times I could hear yelling and cheering. I turned to Bellamy and gave him a look of 'here we go again' before sneaking through the Raven foxhole.

Abby was up on a stand in front of the doors, with Thelonius Jaha beside her, holding his hands together in front of his stomach, as though he was worth something up there.

"I thought he was stuck up in space," Bellamy whispered to me. We hid behind the boulder keeping the fence hole covered.

"Guess the Arc ejected him out instead of a pod," I said. "We'll deal with his ass later. Right now, we need to find Clarke. Look for a shorter version of me."

"Yeah, no shit," Bellamy retorted back, nudging me with his shoulder slightly. He had a small smile on his face, but it was genuine. Something I've hardly seen down on the ground. When I did... it always came from Bellamy.

I was still replaying his confession in my mind any chance I had. I kept doubting my forgiveness of him and Raven... both of them kept it quiet, even after I let Bellamy in.

I'd watched the older kids on the Arc; how they'd hold hands while walking down the metal hallways, hear their arguing outside of their family's homes. I always wondered why they were constantly fighting, going from one person to another. And now I finally understand.

The entire process is confusing. First, you spend your days watching him... you find yourself forgiving him for things that should not be forgiven. But then you become closer, and discover the person he is on the inside; that he really does deserve to be forgiven.

Secondly, you begin to realize there's a growing pain in your stomach every time he calls your name. It's not a pain though... no, more like a burning sensation that won't go away until days later; then the cycle continues.

Thirdly, you recognized the two of you slowly magnetizing to one another. Whenever there's a problem, you immediately turn to each other. The trust you have is stronger than anything you've been a part of before hand. You start wondering, maybe he does like me, then you remember he's at least four years older than you and could have any of the hundred's girls he wanted.

Fourthly... the last section of the 'chasing' process. Something dramatic happens; you nearly die at age seventeen, but he comes through. He nearly dies in his twenties. The stress, the worry, the scared excitement– it brings a colour to your eyes that only the other person can see. When you finally kiss, the colours mix, and both of your almond shaped eyes stay that hue until it dies off... and you realize there's someone else who will keep your eyes sparkling for the next little while.

But Bellamy's eyes have not faded to gray. The bright, charcoal colour (though normal to many humans) still surrounds his pupil since the day I kissed him after he willingly hung himself to save me. The colour remained there during the moment he told me about Raven. He was never attracted to her... it was always me. Could I be naive, or egotistical? Yes. Yes I could. But every time I find myself in danger—which is most of the time—I subconsciously step in front of Bellamy to keep him safe; to keep him alive. He's done the same thing since the day I was nearly impaled by a spike trap below Jasper's feet. Moments later I killed a panther that was ready to pounce onto him.

Though I couldn't see my own eyes, I knew the light blue still shined every time I look at him. Bellamy and I, while broken and tired, we would always come back to one another.

That certifies my forgiveness of him... Our eyes were still mixed, we were still meant to be together at that time. Raven was a girl who realized that Clarke and Finn's eyes were mixed, and that her own went back to normal. While trying to mix with someone else's, she saw that they were already mixed, and decided to move on.