But We've Lost A Lot ↭ Bellamy Blake [Book 2]

bellamy's thoughts before and after being with raven

I came back from the hunting trip to find that everyone was back except the groups with Clarke and Zen. After multiple questions from everyone at camp, I finally told them we needed to wait an hour before going to look for the missing people. I knew that Zen could easily handle herself, and that Clarke was smart, but a part of me still worried they were in trouble– well, worried that Zen was in trouble.

Miller, Drew and Marcus were with her; three of the strongest guys we had. They were my go-to group whenever something serious needed to be done.

But Zen was out there, alone, with three guys her age. The thoughts of what they were doing bounced around the sides of my skull and were eating my insides. She is not with me; I do not get involved with anyone. She has no number one guy on her side. Those thoughts weren't as strong as the others.

I told Jasper to wake me up after an hour's nap, and in seconds I found myself back in my tent, ready to fall onto the covers and sleep away the itching thought of Zen.

I was alone for twenty seconds until Raven appeared in front of me.

"What're you doing in here?" I asked exasperatingly. All I wanted to do was lay down and rest before I needed to look for the blonde I was missing.

After a second of awkward silence, Raven finally spoke up in a sarcastic and cruel tone.

"He doesn't waste time, I'll give him that," she said, "What has it been; a day and a half?"

Instantly I knew she was talking about Finn and Clarke. I was quite glad to realize I wasn't the only one jealous, and that I was handling it a bit better than I thought.

"You're mistaking me for someone who cares," I explained, slipping my jacket from my body and throwing it on one of the makeshift stools. If I pretended to be busy –taking a nap– I wanted her to get the hint I didn't want to deal with her. "Time to move on," I advised.

Without saying anything else, Raven slipped both her shoes and pants onto the ground, and seductively walked over to me while letting her hair loose from the elastic.

"What are you doing?" I asked her, feeling my face flush with an intense heat. I knew what she was doing; she wanted to sleep with me to get her mind off of Finn. I could easily do the same thing because of Zen, but I didn't want to.

"Moving on," she retorted, breathing deeply for a few seconds before speaking again. "I've never been with anyone but Finn... take your clothes off."

Zen appeared in my mind; her effortless bravery, her skill set, her beauty... everything happening in front of me was with the wrong person. But the right person was in the middle of the woods... and would never be my person.

"Fine. I'll go first."

Raven continued to strip down to nothing but her underwear. Her shirt and bra fell to the ground beside her pants, and with that she walked a tiny step closer to me. My breath hitched from her movement, and I hated myself for using all of my energy to keep my eyes trained on her own.

"If you're looking for someone to talk you down..." I started, "tell you you're not thinking straight; I'm not that guy." Truth is, I think I was that guy. If it was Zen, I'd be begging her to calm down and treat herself with respect, even if she was heartbroken.

"Good."

Raven took my comment as an invitation, and immediately moved her head closer to mine, placing her hands on my jawline. When her lips were centimetres away from mine, I jolted back out of her grip.

This had never happened to me; I never disregarded a girl who was opening her body to me. I never told a girl no because of someone else on my mind... why did I want to respect Zen when I wasn't even with her? Why was she constantly on my mind, and popping up when a girl was giving me attention? I knew I would never get the answers... and that scared me.