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Chapter 19 - " she's kicking"

~FLASHBACK~

England was just as beautiful as I remembered it. Even though a lot had happened the last time I was here, I felt calm being here. The crazy media frenzy, I had left behind me. Starting a new life here would be best for me.

The house I had bought was quite distant from my neighbors. It was a private area. The best part was the pond behind my house. Ducks swam in it. I knew this would be my quiet place. I was excited for this new part of my life. I was excited to enjoy time with my baby girl.

I was having a girl.

Names was still something I went back and forth on, but I knew I wanted to include Willow's name in it somehow. I knew Willow would be watching over my little girl. Willow would have probably become her godfather if she was still alive.

Liam overlooked the small construction going on in the house. They were building a small recording studio in the basement. Writing and recording was what I wanted to do during the next few years. I wanted to write about things that I hadn't been able to do so in the past. I was going to write about my daughter.

I left the noisy house and got into my car. I drove only 15 minutes down the road before parking in front of a house. I smiled at the familiar home. I nervously walked up the walkway and knocked on the door.

Cheryl, Louis' mom opened the door with a surprised look on her face.

" Cailin?" she said.

I nodded with a smile as I embraced her. 

Cheryl quickly rushed me inside her home due to the cold air around. We walked into the kitchen and I took a seat on a stool. As Cheryl starting boiling water for tea, I looked around her kitchen. It took me back to the last time I was here, Christmas. I remember arriving here with Harry to a house full of Louis' family and friends. This was also the place where I learned a lot more about Harry.

Cheryl poured me a cup of tea and handed it over to me.

" how far along are you, dear?" she asked as she looked down at my obvious bump holding my baby girl.

" six months now" I nodded.

" he doesn't know, does he?" Cheryl asked.

I sighed and looked down at my hands. It took me a couple seconds before I could respond. Cheryl was the first person that asked me about it, regarding Harry and his knowledge of the baby. Liam knew from the start but never questioned what my next steps would be.

" he has a wife and a baby on the way? How could I flip his life upside down like that?" I questioned.

Cheryl stayed quiet, in a way giving me space to vent.

" I tried telling him, Cheryl. He wouldn't answer my calls. He wouldn't see me. He wanted nothing to do with me. I understood though, he was giving Lia respect by doing so." I nodded.

Cheryl continued to listen as I vented. I didn't realize how much I needed to vent until now. Even though Liam had been there for me this whole time, I didn't feel like I had the right to vent to him. I didn't want to put that much on him. He had already done so much for me, and venting to him would make me horrible

" I don't want him to feel like he has to choose between two of his kids. I don't want him to feel as if he was abandoning one of his kids. I rather have that burden on myself" I told her.

" is that why you're here? To stay away from him?" Cheryl asked.

I nodded.

" not just him though, from that media consuming world. I need a long break to focus on this baby girl" I half smiled.

" it's a girl?" Cheryl smiled as she walked closer to me.

I nodded smiling back at her.

Just then I felt a kick. Even though six months along, I had yet o feel her kick. It was uncommon but my doctor said that she was doing just fine. So feeling her now was the most breathtaking thing I had ever experienced. As tears of happiness started streaming down my face, I looked over at Cheryl.

" what's wrong, dear?" Cheryl asked.

" she's kicking" I laughed holding my belly.

Immediately, Cheryl came to my side and put her hand next to mine on my belly. As my baby girl kicked again, I felt a feeling of relief. In that moment I felt like we were going to be okay. My baby and I were going to be just fine.