Not For Show

Chapter 32 - " You should ask your dad"

Harry's POV

Kian's smile is what makes everything make sense in my world. Roy smiling next to him gives me a high that I never thought possible. I didn't ever think I would have these two in my life this way. 

I think back to the boy I was six or seven years ago. He wouldn't have believe the future ahead of him. He didn't even think he'd be alive. He didn't want to be alive at some points.

Lia helped me. Cailin helped me. How did I get so lucky to get Kian and Roy? The pain that I caused both of them turned into beautiful amazing kids playing in front of me.

I try listening to Jess and Stella's conversation about Milan fashion week coming up and usually I'd be interested but this year I'm not going. This year I want to spend the time with Roy. I want to get to know all of her little details. I want to watch Kian get to know her as his little sister. He's already made me buy a best big brother shirt for him yesterday. He wants to show it to her later tonight.

I'm pushed over a feet or two by surprise. I look down to see It's Kian and Roy playing tag. A few of Kian's friends follow close behind.

" Harry" 

It's Lia behind me. She's acting almost too careful around me. Hoping I don't say anything to ruin our son's birthday. But she doesn't undertsnd my happiness right now.

" Maybe we should sing happpy birthday now, what do you think?" she asks.

" Okay" I nod.

Lia goes to grab Kian while I begin to get everyone together. I watch everyone's attention turn towards Kian as he stands on the step stool in front of the cake. Lia and I stand on each of Kian's sides.

" I know everyone who is here today is very important in Kian's life and ours as well" I say motioning over to Lia.  " It's amazing to see how every year our friends and family seem to grow bigger and grow stronger."

I glance over to see Cailin standing with Roy in front of her holding her hand. Their smiles cause a little chuckle to escape my lips. They have the same smile. 

" We want to thank you all for the love that you all have sent to Kian over the years" Lia takes over. " Kian would you like to say something before we sing?"

Kian leans over and whispers something into his mother's ear. Her eyes immediately dart to me. She looks back at Kian and points towards me.

" You should ask your dad" she whispers.

Kian leans over to to me until he's close enough to my ear. I look towards Lia as I wait for his question.

" Can my sister stand next to me while they sing?" he asks.

His question puts a weight on my chest. It makes me silent for a couple of seconds. I glance at Lia again and she shrugs with a small smile on her lips.

" Of course" I tell him. 

I stand up straight again and look over at Cailin. She holds a confused expression on her face as she looks at me.

" Roy, come stand next to me!" Kian calls out.

Cailin looks down at Roy as she let's go of her mother's hand to come running straight to Kian. Kian moves over on the stool to make room for Roy. I help Roy step onto step stool. I look out into the crowd of friendly faces to see a couple of confused expressions. A lot of them don't know why. Maybe they'll put it together.

One of the party assistants lights up the candles on the cake before the birthday singing begins. I watch how Kian and Roy giggle with each other as the happy birthday singing continues. Glancing over at Cailin, I watch her for a couple of seconds with a wide smile on her lips as she singing with her hands clapping together.

Kian blows out his candles and everyone cheers. The party assistants help cut the party and begin to pass out the cakes at the tables as everyone begins to make their way there. Roy and Kian hop off the step stool and run the other direction. I follow Lia's lead and go towards the tables as well. Except I go to the opposite end of the tables where Louis and Stella are. Only Cailin sits with Nathan only a couple of feet away.

It's hard to watch Cailin with Nathan. Maybe because she looks happy with someone else. Maybe because I don't think she's ever looked this happy with me. I don't think he's ever caused her as much pain as I have. I hope not.

Her smile doesn't fade as she talks to some friends. I brightens up even more when they point to her engagement finger. Her beautiful only fades when she catches my eyes. But I look away quickly only because I want to see her smile again, even if it's not because of me.

It's an hour of us all sitting near each other. Lia sits on the opposite end with Zayn by her side. I listen in on Stella's questions about Nathan's photography while Louis talks about the new studio he's purchasing. He plans on finishing my album with me there. I try to convince him to make an album himself but he brushes me off. Cailin gives a playful glare hoping to hear something new from him as well. Cailin goes back and forth between our conversation and Stella's conversation with Nathan.

I steal a couple of glances towards Cailin and she only catches me a couple of times. 

Stella excuses herself from the table taking Cailin with her. They leave Louis and Nathan behind with me. I almost excuse myself as well wanting to avoid saying anything wrong to Nathan. I can't even imagine what Cailin would do to me.

Luckily it's Louis holds up the conversation trying to keep the both of us interested. It works. At least for the next fifteen minutes.

" Louis!"

It's Stella calling for him. Without a second wasted, Louis runs off to her direction. He leaves Nathan and I behind in silence. I think about just walking away again, but I don't want to give Cailin any reason to hate me.

A waiter walks by with a tray of bottles.

" Do you want another one?" I ask him as I hold up my bottle.

" Yeah" he nods. " that's be great."

I lean over and grab two bottles of beer from the waiter beside me. I hand Nathan one as silence falls upon us again. 

I have questions. I just know they aren't appropriate. If this was seven years ago or so, I would be asking all the questions. I want to know how they met, what he thinks of Cailin, how she introduced him to Roy, and so many more. 

" I'm glad that we have a moment alone actually" he says.

I glance over at him surprised.

" I don't know a lot about your history with Cailin and that's because now it's my relationship with her" he starts. " But that doesn't mean I don't know how important you were to her."

I stay quiet waiting to hear more.

" I want you to know that she is very important to me. Her happiness is important to me. Above anything else" Nathan assures me.

" That's what she deserves" I tell him.

" I know she's trying to have some sort of relationship with you because of Roy, and I think that's beautiful. Roy should have both of her parents present in her life" he says.

I nod listening to his words so carefully.

" I just want to let you know you know that I will never overstep that boundary. Roy is like my own but you are her father and I will never take your place. Roy and I kind of always had that understanding, like we were waiting for you to arrive in her life. She wasn't just ready for a father, she was ready for you."

His words surprise me. This is the man Cailin has decide to have in her life and I now understand why. 

" You're a much better man than I could have imagined" I tell him.

Nathan chuckles pushing my compliment away.

" Thank you for being in Roy's life the way you have. Thank you never trying to take my place and for loving her" I say.

" There will never be a time where I will not care for her, both of them" he reiterates.

" I know" I nod. " Just like there will never be a time where I will not protect them."