Not For Show

Chapter 15 - "I vow to you a forever" (flashback)

I stopped out of my car and look up towards the large church. I had parked my car a little farther than everyone else because I didn't want anyone to see me there, yet the beautiful church was still very much visible. Slowly I walked towards it hoping to find a back entrance. As I walked towards the back, I saw Lia's Limo drive up to the front of the church. I stopped and watched her come out with her bridesmaids with a smile plastered across her face. Lia was already showing. 3 months to be exact. She was glowing.

She was getting her happy ending.

Something I hoped I would get one day.

I walked into the back door and saw no one around. There was a staircase across from me leading to the second floor of the building I imagined. When I got up to the second floor, I figured out it was just a balcony over seeing the entire wedding. Lucky for me the balcony was dark enough for me not to be scene.

Looking down at all their guests, I could help but feel like this was reality. This wasn't his wedding. This was never the type of wedding I thought Harry would ever have. I always thought he'd be the type of guy that wanted a small and private wedding. But then again, this was also Lia's wedding and this was probably what she wanted.

Then I saw him.

Harry walked down the aisle with the boys beside him. Louis and Zayn were all smiles, having a conversation between themselves. As they all took a place on the right side of the church, my eyes stared down at Harry. A small smile was spread across his face as he looked down at the crowd of guests. He was quiet. He wasn't talking to really anyone. All he did was smile and nod at everyone who would try to speak to him.

But I knew Harry would never back out of this wedding. Lia needed him and he knew that. The baby that she carried inside of her, Harry would never abandon. Even though my own doubts clouded my mind, my intentions were never cruel. I wasn't here to ruin the wedding. I wasn't here to declare my love for him in front of everyone here.

I guess I was here to see this wedding actually go through. I needed to know that this was real and not just an idea. It was a reality check for myself. I needed to move on from Harry and maybe this was the way to go.

A wedding song started to play from down below and everyone looked down the aisle. Lia's bridesmaids slowly started walking down the aisle. I recognized some of them, other movie stars, and some I imagined were her friends from home. Then I saw Jess walk down as one of Lia's bridesmaids. Instead of her sincere smile that I knew so well, she held and small polite smile.

Jess hated the fact that this wedding was happening. She had let everyone know this too. She hated that Harry wasn't going to end up with the girl he loved, me. Don't get me wrong, she was excited to be an aunt. But she didn't think a wedding was necessary.

Finally the doors opened, revealing Lia wearing the most beautiful wedding dress I had ever seen. She looked like Cinderella. Instead of continuing to stare at her, my eyes went back to Harry. As everyone watched Lia, I watched Harry.

He kept his smile across his face. He looked genuinely happy to see her down the aisle. After all, Lia was one of the few people who knew a lot about him. He was marrying the first girl who he ever let in to really get to know him. He was marrying the girl who even through everything, she was still there for him.

He deserved someone like Lia, understanding.

I stood there watching and listening to everything the pastor said to both of them. Words of love and understanding. Then I watched their vows to each other.

  "On this day,
I give you my heart,
My promise,
That I will walk with you,
Hand in hand,
Wherever our journey leads us,
Living, learning, loving,
Together,
Forever."   LIa said to Harry.

" I vow to be here for you.
I promise you honesty and fidelity.
I'll always support you through the good times and bad.
I vow to you a forever." Harry said to her.

Tears fell down my cheeks as I heard his forever. 

" you may now kiss your beautiful bride" the pastor said to Harry

Watching their first kiss as man and wife was even harder than I had anticipated. I broke down in tears but my tears were never heard due to the crowd of cheers.

~

I walked slowly back into my empty apartment with a little brown bag in my hands. My eyes were puffy. My body was tired. I had cried too much.

Watching Harry's wedding with Lia had been much harder than I had expected. Reality is what I wanted and reality is what I got. Walking into my dark empty apartment made me realize how alone I really was. No matter what I succeeded in my career, it would never fill this empty void I had for Harry.

After using the test in the little brown bag, in the bathroom, I set it down on the sink and waited. I sat down on the bathroom floor and waited. Every single possibility ran through my mind. What would I do if I really was pregnant? How would Harry react? Would he think I did it on purpose? Would he hate me?

As courage finally came to look at the test, I stood up in front of the sink.

I stared at the positive pregnancy test in front of me at disbelief. I couldn't believe that this was happening. After a day of dealing with my worst nightmare, Harry's wedding with Lia, this was not the end that I expected. Not the end that I wanted.

I cried knowing that I couldn't tell Harry, not now. He was beginning to build his happy little family. I could ruin that for him, for Lia. I knew that I was on my own now. I looked down at my stomach and tears fell streamed down my cheeks.

" we're going to be okay" I promised to the little being inside of me.

*

So I know that most of you didn't want a flashback of Harry and Lia's wedding, but I think it's important. Not For Show is supposed to have a lot of flashback of the 5 year gap, it's part of the story and I hope you all understand.

I hope you all enjoyed this little chapter!