Not For Show

Chapter 9 - " who's the father?"

White Roses.

The white roses in front of me made me heart jump. My preference for white roses was somewhat of a secret I had held. only a select few people had noticed.

Harry was one of them.

'and she always had a way with her brokenness, she would take her pieces and make them beautiful' it read.

It was a beautiful quote. Harry understood me.

I smelt the the roses once more before Roy ran into the kitchen. She had been up for hours. She couldn't stop watching videos from my performance from last night. She was so proud and so happy for me. Little did she know that I couldn't have done it without her.

" when are you doing it again, momma?" Roy asked.

" tomorrow" I said.

" do I get to go?" she smiled up at me.

I picked her up and sat her on one of the high chairs. Her lunch was right in front of her. Grilled cheese and baby carrots, her favorite.

" maybe, I still have to decide" I told her.

" why?" she asked.

" because I want to protect you" I smiled over at her.

With every bite she took out of her grilled cheese, another 'why' came out of her mouth. Roy was always one to ask all the questions. She wanted an answer to everything. No matter how grown up the answer would be.

The door bell rang, taking my attention from Roy towards the door. I put my glass of water down on the counter and walked towards the door. I opened the door, revealing a little boy behind it. 

" Hi Kian" I smiled down at him.

" Hi" he waved.

" who brought you here?" I asked knowing who was behind all of this.

Harry popped out his head with a soft smile. A smile crept on my face without a second thought.

" can I play with Roy?" Kian asked.

" of course" I smiled down as him as I let him into my home.

After watching him interact with Roy, I turned my attention back to Harry. He looked happy, at least happy to see me. I opened my door even more as an indication for him to come in as well. After closing the door behind me, we walked into the living room. We could hear the laughter come out of Roy's room.

" thank you for the roses" I said as we took a seat on the couch.

" well you did amazing yesterday" he said.

" so you watched?" I asked surprised.

" of course I did. This was your comeback after all" Harry shrugged.

He asked me about what happened when the cameras weren't on me. So I told him all about the support I received. I told him about the look on people's faces when I came out singing. I told him about how I felt being back on a stage. We then went on about the different producers we had worked with. We laughed about different stories about them.

One of our favorites to work with had been one mutual one, Louis. We were both so proud of him and his accomplishments.

" do you want something to drink? I think I have some beer and whiskey laying around here..." I offered.

" I don't drink around Kian" he responded.

" that's good to hear" I cracked a smile.

It was so amazing to see how much Harry had grown up, to see the responsible man he had become.

" can I ask you something?" He asked.

I nodded.

" who's the father?" he asked.

My heart stopped. I couldn't breathe. I wanted to confess to him in that moment. But I resisted. I resisted it with every ounce of love for my daughter in me.

" not today, Harry" I shook my head, not being able to look at him.

" fair enough" he whispered.

After a few seconds of silence, I finally looked up at him again.

" how do you protect Kian from all the madness?" I asked.

For the first time, I felt like I could truly trust someone's opinion when it came to this. Harry had gone through for the past 5 years with Kian. He dealt with it first hand. I had no idea what the right thing to do in this situation with Roy. It scared me to death.

" as much as I'd love to have Kian with me in every awarding moment in my career, I know that if I do the bad side of it all follows him" he explained.

All these years of catching glimpses of Harry at red carpets and events through magazines, I had never once seen Kian with him.

" I had to learn how to separate my career from my personal life. I chose this life, Kian didn't" Harry shook his head.

" thanks" I smiled.

Harry looked at the time on his watch and sighed.

" everything okay?" I asked.

" yeah I just have to get Kian back to his mom" Harry sighed.

" how's that going? The whole separation?" I asked knowing  that I might have been over stepping my boundaries.

" even though Kian is the only reason that I have to have some sort of relationship with her, he's the one who has been saving me from doing anything stupid" Harry confessed.

" isn't it amazing how such a small human becomes your anchor?" I smiled.

" yeah..." Harry smiled back.

Complete silence fell upon us. But it was nice. It wasn't awkward. It was the kind of silence we used to have when we didn't need words to describe what we were feeling. His piercing green eyes stared back at me and so many feelings came to mind.

I felt my love for him still there. It wasn't gone. It never would be gone.

" I think I should go" Harry announced bringing me back to reality.

I nodded as both of us got up from the couch. Somehow both of decided to go through both couches but got pushed up against each other. Being this close to Harry had become so foreign, yet so welcoming. I had feel his breath on me. I could hear my heart race. My mouth was dry. My lips were parted.

Neither of us moved.

His lips slowly made it upon mine. It was a soft kiss. It was everything that I had missed. I missed this closeness. I missed this intimacy. My world felt whole again. My legs felt like they were about to melt.

But then one thought came to mine.

Nathan.

" you should go" I whispered as I pulled away from him.

Harry slowly nodded.

" Kian, it's time to go" he said as he continued to look down at my lips.

My heart was still racing from the kiss. When I heard the kid's footsteps coming closer to us, I took a step away from Harry. I needed to compose myself.

As I walked them towards the door, I could hear Roy and Kian make future plans to play with each other. I couldn't help but smile at their interaction. But my heart seemed to break at the same time knowing that they didn't even know they were siblings.

" Mr. Harry can you bring Kian here again so we can play?" Roy looked up at Harry.

" of course kid" Harry smiled down at her.

Harry leaned down and kissed Roy on the forehead. In that heart felt moment I knew that I wouldn't be able to hold my secret in for much longer. I wanted Roy to know that this was her father. She could be proud of the father she'd have. I also couldn't keep such an amazing child away from Harry, he deserved to get to know her.

The only thing that stopped me in this moment was the fear of not knowing his reaction to the news.