Crash (SC, #0.5; ARTL, #1)

Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Scratch

My eyes felt heavy. Hirap na hirap akong idilat ito. It aches and stuck. My throat felt dry that I needed water. Hindi ko makuha ang aking tinig upang masabi ito. I tried to move my fingers and something cried out. Tila may bagay na nakakabit sa aking daliri. I don't know what it is, something is beeping! I can't move my body so easily. Hirap na hirap akong imulat ang aking mga mata. Sobrang bigat nito at tila nakadikit na. My heart is beating wildly against my chest. I want to touch it but I can't...I can't move simply.

I tried to remember everything...I was running away, suddenly stopped when I was about to trip, then my hands found my stomach. A pang of ache strike right through my chest. The baby...my heart felt heavy because something inside me is gone. The unborn child inside me...The white SUV...I was in accident.

I coerced my eyes to open. Nagulat ang aking mata sa liwanag at sa kadiliman mula sa mga nakapalibot sa akin. There are voices I can and can't recognize. It is Mommy...Daddy...Ches' voices...they are all around. I am suffocating abruptly. Isa-isa kong tinignan silang lahat hanggang sa may boses na nagpapalayo sa kanila. I don't want them away! I don't want them to go!

"No..." was the first thing I said when I found my voice.

My throat felt drier.

"Oh, sweetheart..." My Mom's voice broke. "We're right here...It's all right. You're alright. Mom's here..."

My lips quivered.

"Mommy..." I shook my head. "Don't go..." Tumulo ang aking luha nang makita nang malinaw ang taong nakapalibot sa akin. Isang doktor at dalawang nurse. They are checking me. Hindi ko alam kung anong ginagawa nila. Ilang salita ang sinabi ng doktor sa akin ngunit hindi 'ko maunawaan ng mabuti. Nakatitig lamang ako kina Mommy sa isang gilid habang ang luha ko ay walang tigil sa pagtulo. I have so many words to say but I let my tears speak for it. I let my feelings do what I want to say.

Ang tanging nagawa na lamang ni Daddy ay yakapin si Mommy. Si Chesca'y nanatili ang seryosong mukha habang nakatingin sa akin.

"The baby is gone..." ang nasabi ko sa doktor nang matapos ang ginagawa. My whole body shook in disbelief that the doctor will say, it's not true. Na mali lahat ng pinapakita ng aking luha. Na maling iniisip kong may nawala sa akin. Na panaginip lamang ito at magigising na 'ko maya-maya.

"I'm so, sorry about the baby, Ms. Torres..."

It felt like those words crashed my whole world. I wanted to cry and be alone for a moment. I wanted to scream so fucking loud the my lungs will give up. I wanted to smack my chest for my heart to fail to beat. Ngunit ang nagawa ko lamang ay dalhin ang kamay ko sa aking tyan. This is the only truth I want to be a lie. I lost him...or her. I lost the baby...and it is my fault. I ruined one's incoming life. I wasted the chance to give a child a world to live in...it is because of my recklessness.

"No...no...no..." Mahigpit kong hinawakan ang braso ng doktor. "No...no...no. That's not..." I choked on my own words but the doctor just vowed her head. Ang kasama niyang dalawang nurse ay ganoon din ang naging aksyon. Halos hindi ko na mapakalma ang aking sistema. Hirap na hirap akong tanggalin ang nakakabit sa aking braso. Natataranta na si Mommy sa ginagawa ko na nagpatakbo sa kanya sa aking pwesto. Si Chesca nama'y humahagulgol na habang si Daddy ay nasa tabi ko na rin. "That's not true! That's not true!" I shouted so loud that made them terrified. "Mom, that's not true, right...Mommy please say something..." I looked at my mother. "Daddy...Chesca...come on! Please, say something...hindi naman totoo 'yon di ba!" Hinawakan ko ang kamay ni Daddy. "Daddy please..." Hindi ko na sila makita ng malinaw dahil sa luha. "SAY SOMETHING!" I cried out. I covered my face by my hands and sobbed. "No...no! No...no..." I choked again.