A Love To Last A Lifetime

Chapter 24- Holding Back.

Hi guys, I know I'm late in updating but my weekly tests were kind of a burden so I couldn't upload a chapter.

Anyways, another seven to eight chapters and this book will be over. So we still got a long way to go. Enjoy!

Rogan's POV

My head hurt. I tried counting backwards from hundred, people said that you needed to distract yourself to make the pain go away, temporarily. But it wasn't helping. Nothing could make the pain go away.

Other than her...

My mind was right. I needed her with me right now. But I pushed her away. I still remembered her voice when she confessed. She was so nervous yet her eyes sparkled with happiness. If only I could get all that back. Her chortle was like music to my ears. I was so stupidly and crazily in love with her, she couldn't possibly imagine it.

But I couldn't be so selfish. Dragging her into my mess would be just thinking about myself. And I wasn't a narcissist. I had to think of her too. Although ignoring her seemed like a fitting option, it was impossible now. We shared the same classes and at first I thought she would eventually stop bothering about me. That thought hurt like a bitch.

Her confession was like a big turnaround. I never thought that she would have feelings for me, just the way I had for her. But I messed it all up a week ago. Jennifer was one tough woman though. She tried to talk to me a lot of times. And she never lost hope, that's what I felt through her actions.

Today, she saw me getting off of our car. At first I smiled at her, it was completely involuntary. It was like a habit I couldn't get rid of. Smiling when she came closer was only a part of it. I felt my heart beating faster, was that even possible?

My mind was quick to spring into action. It felt so condescending to just leave her outside like that. The surroundings were fairly cold after winter. My classes passed like they did since the past week. Dull and boring. Everything reminded me of what I lost, I couldn't comprehend what wrong did I do to deserve this.

As soon as I got out of my class, my eyes fell on Jennifer talking to Aaron. She looked tired. I wanted to go and comfort her. But I couldn't, I lost that liberty long ago. Both of them went towards the secluded section of the room. I decided to follow her. She could trust him easily but I didn't.

She led him into a room and the doors closed. Although I knew she wouldn't do anything below her character, the possibility of Aaron trying to seduce her wasn't bleek. I thought about going away, after all she was in a relationship with him. There had to be some feelings left. And now me, not being in the picture, there were chances of them reconciling.

As I was about to turn away, a noise came from the door. I went closer, I could hear voices inside. Then I heard her scream. For a moment there, I imagined the worst. Reality hit me and I realised that whatever happened between us, I had to save her now. Atleast for the sake of humanity. So I tried to push open the doors. They fell apart after a lot of trying.

Jennifer was lying on the floor, her cheek was red. My blood curdled, I wanted to kill him right now. I punched him and threatened to not let him walk out of the room on his own legs. My tone had to be menacing because he retreated quickly. I turned towards her and one look had me surging with an overwhelming sense to protect her. She looked so scared.

I took her in my arms and held her like she would vanish if I opened my arms to let her go. It felt so good to feel her against me again. To be honest, I felt at home. "Rogan I love you..."

She went on blabbering about her feelings. I felt bad for her condition, she looked so frail. I was a reason for it. Her absence burned a hole through my heart. I kept my finger on her lips. "Enough. You don't need to justify yourself anymore."

"Then why do you keep ignoring me like I'm some kind of a disease? Why do you keep hurting me? Why?"

"I'm so sorry for hurting you. That was never my intention. I just can't tell you why."

"Don't you think I have the right to know?"

We were talking again. I was glad. She had no idea how much I missed hearing her voice. I reluctantly pulled myself away from her. She was like my own personal supply of drugs, I was addicted to her.

"You do, but if I tell you then that'll only hurt you more."

"Trust me, nothing hurts me more than your rejection."

I knew what she said was true. It was so arduous though, this constant turning away from her. Were we supposed to just end like this?

When I turned to look at her, she was about to faint. I caught her right in time. She drank the water I offered her like a thirsty child. I asked her to take care of herself but Jennifer, the stubborn person that she was, refused to do so. I literally had to beg her, finally she agreed. I held her in my arms as we sat down on the floor.

Sometimes, life was so unpredictable, you could never anticipate what would happen next. Being in love with her was like free falling, there was this amazing feeling of just wanting to fall more and more. And the most wondrous thing was, that I would never hit the ground. I would never hurt myself.

My hands found their way around her waist and I pulled her closer to me. I could feel her breath prickling just under my neck. She was going into sleep, I didn't disturb her. She needed this rest. Slowly, I began patting her back, she relaxed into me. Her hands clung onto my sweatshirt tightly, as if she was afraid of letting me go. They unclenched, indicating that she was drifting into sleep.

I took her hands into mine. As much as cheesy it sounded but yes, our hands did fit perfectly into each other. Her nails had a bit dirt under them. She really hadn't been paying attention to her personal hygiene. This was not the girl I knew. But I caused all of this. And I was going to be the one to make it right. I decided right at that moment that I would tell her everything.

She didn't deserve what she was going through. I put her through this. It was all my fault. I didn't think everything through, I underestimated the love she had for me. But enough of mistakes, everything that I did from now on would only make her happy. I loved her and I wasn't going to hide it anymore...