This boy cries

focuse

This boy cries chapter 2

Art. I sat there not wanting to participate. I loved art, don't get me wrong. Its the one thing that mad me feel better. Made everything seam better again. But i couldn't do it. Not where people could see me. "First you cant remember your own name,now you cant do work. Your as sappy as a girl" she ginger kid from ealier, hunter i think his name was, mocked.

This is exactly what i was trying to avoide. Being labled "fenimin". "Back off" i hissed. "It was just a bit of banter chill mate" he said laughing and walkimg off.

That's one of my main issues. How on earth am i suposed to read people. I don't even undearsatnd myself. "Sorry" i mutrerd as he walked off. Maby i should just be myself. Who ever that is...

Once art was finnished we all put our art work in the middle of the table. "Who's is that?" the girl from earlier, sasha i think, asked. "His" someone said pointing at me. I couldn't breath. Everyone's eyes were on me. But i had to focuse. It was alwase a game of focuse. Alwase. everyday. "Thats great ben. You thinking of taking on for gcse next year in year 10?" she asked like i was dumb. "I...i dont know" i mumbled.

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Nothing else realy happend and it was the lunch. I had to eat in the support workersbroom who i had already been introduced to and had to see every lunch and if anything kicked off.

"Hey ben" he said turning roumd. Kiran was in his mid 20 from the carabean. He wore quite bright, not-very-teacher-like cloths. "Hey" i said sitting down as we strated talkimg.

I was ok with talking about what had happend in art. It was easy to talk when i still  had some amger or confusion about the situation, but after time, things would start to eat me up.i couldnt talk about them.

After school i text david to pick me up as i really wasn't in the mood to go on the bus and even if i did i couldn't go on my own.

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By the time i was home i went strait upstairs amd started on some maths homework. I atchaly quite enjoyed maths. It was logical. More than can be said about my life. More...predictable them other subjects. I guess it was quite a suprise i like art but it helped keep my emotions at bay. I could let it all out

without talking.

***flashback***

"IM TELLIMG THE TRUTH! WHY DON'T YOU BELIVE ME!" i shouted. "because it dosnt happen to boys like you" she hissed walking of. That hurt. "I WISH DAD WAS HERW HED LISTEN! BUT HE'S NOT. CUS YOU DONT WANT HIM HERE! YOU ALWASE JAVE TO RULE THE ROOST DONT YOU!" i shouted. "CUS I'M YOUT MUM BEN!" she shouted comeing back into the living room.

"Well belive me then" i hissed

***end of flashback***

Once i relised id dome mext to no maths i desided to just put it away. It wasnt dew to friday and i was two unsettled to focuse. "Im going out for a walk" i told david grabing my coat. "You know you need seone with you" he replyed as i sighed. "No one ever trusts me" i soghed. "You know its not like that" he replyed sympathetically. "I know its just...just nothig" i replyed as he nodded and we walked.

We disnt talk. I juat needed fresh air. Time to think. About everything realy. I needed a breather. Space away from everything. "How was school?" he asked breaking the silence. "Fine" i mumbled not wanteing to talk abit it. Now the emotions had stopped rushing arround me from the event, i just didnt want to talk about it.

"I get you dont trust people...but You know you can trust us right" he said as i want from looking at the clear sky to the groumd."corse" i lyed as he humbed in a uncovinced way. He knew when i was lying. But he knewn, they knew when i ws telling the truth. They belived me. Well apparently atleast. But i couldnt read people. I just had to keep everyone at arms length.

Once we got home my head hit the pillow strait away. But i was hardly spark out. As ever i kept waking up. I couldnt sleep proplay. i couldnt focuse. And like i said,its alwase about focuse.

A/N im going to do quite a few updates as there already written and i have a christams chapter! Please comment what you think.
Emily