This boy cries

(happy?) Christmas eve

This boy cries chapter 14

It was late at night and i went to grab my self some food. Naturaly there was plenty of food as it was christsmas eve. As i opened the fridge i tryed not to freak at the ammount of food as i took a single chicken nugget and grabbed a biuscket with it. I hadn't eaten any food for over a week, but this was a treat for me. I'd only been drinking water, a night drink wich was either hot chocolate or a milkshaks along with a fresh smoothy every morning. I ate my nugat and grabbed the hot chocolate mix putting it in the cup before adding the milk and stiring it.

Although i knew everyone knew i was eating at night it took the pressure away. It was only little but its all i could eat  as i only wanted enough to keep me alive. Yet at the same time i didn't even want to be alive.

As i walked up stairs past the bathroom, despite only have eaten a little, eating that little bit made me want to purge. All the stress and the bad thoughts were pushed onto my eating. I didnt even understand it my self. But i knew i couldnt purge. Id be letting people down. But at the same time i didn't want to recover any more. I had a samll meal when sasha left, but once she left, everything about hunter made me think more about chloe. About possessive relationships. A subject i realy knew to much on.

I was so anxious about tomorrow. I hated christams and it was the first christams since the incdent. What had happend had cause me to hate chritsmas new year and my birthday. Id never realy like haloween as people woukd take advantage of others so about the only one i liked was easter appart from the world turing it into a national chocolate day. And then there was valantines day, fathers day and maothers day. They were the worst. Enough said.

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I couldnt sleep.

Not that that was a suprise.

Or even abnormal.

I just sat listing to snow falling outside. I was sure jess would be so happy. It was great to see her happy as long as it didnt effect me. I know that sounds selfish and it is but what can i say, humans are selfish. Very selfish.

***flash back***

"WHY DON'T YOU LISTEN TO ME!" i shouted for the billionth time. "BECAUSE CHLOES NOT THAT KIND OF GIRL!" she shoutd back. "AND WHAT IS THAT TIKE OF GIRL!"i shoutrd back."THERE ISNT REALY TYPE BUT THEY DONT GO AROUND IN ALL BALCK AND LISTEN TO HEAVY METAL TO GET TO SLEEP!" she shouted. "WHAT. BECAUSE SHES ALTERNATIVE IT MEANS SHE CANT HURT ME!" i shouted shocked at her perfetic responce.

***end of flashback***

It was 2 oclock and still i hasn't slept at all when i saw light though the crack of the door and i heard someome creap downstairs. I knew it was jessica but i desided to follow her. I dont know why but if i hadnt that night would of turned out very diffrently...

I went down to see her smiling ajjusting the christmas tree.

"You love christams don't you" i asked makeing her jump.

"Sorry" i replyed.

"Its fine and yes" she awnserd.

"Why. Were care kids...dosent it make you think of what you haven't got?" i asked.

"My parents died when i was little. I wouldnt even remeber there faces if it wasn't for an old photo i have. I don't know any diffrent. I just feel sorry for people like you, who do know diffrent" she awnserd.

"Id rather be in care then with my blood family" i replyed.

"I read you file" she suddenly bleated out as her hands went over her mouth and she looked as gobsmacked at saying it as i did hearing it.

I stood there shocked.

Anger flowing thohgh my every vain.

Why?

Why would anyone do that.

"W.when" i mumbled trying not to lose it.

"The other day when you were all asleep" she awnserd

"I want to know why you did it. What FUCKING possesed you to do something that low and twisted" i spat

"When we were in the kids home together...when you first came...you never ate and were very moody...moving here yu changed, then it got worse again...i though you were getting better from what ever happned...i didnt relise-"

"THAT GIVES YOU NO FUCKING RIGHT TO LOOK THOUGH MY FILE! I HATE YOU" i snapped pushing over the chrisass tree as she fell over and i calmed down putting  the tree back up. Even though  i was still pissed i was thinking strait. Just about.

"Ben im sorry. Ill sort the tree out you go back upstairs. I dont want you getting in trouble" she replyed.

"Why do you care now. Cus you know my  secrets.you never do that. Ever!!" i snapped.

"Ben ive said I'm sorry" she said sympfetiacly.

"I dont care. You can say sorry till your blue in the face! Hope you have good christmas. I bloody won't. Beacuse of you and your twisted fucked up idear of how to help. You stepped out of line big time!!" i spat sholder barging her and storming upstairs.

I never understood people. How could you do that to someone. People alwase betrayed me. No one cared about me, cus i was worthless.